The Talk

So, when you've been married for a little while you begin to notice that you have certain conversations over and over again. I hate these circular conversations, they suck.

Most of the time, these circular discussions represent unresolved issues within the person with the circularity or the relationship.

The one that has been occuring over and over again lately for us is the subject of my getting a job. Now, this subject was decided years ago and it was decided based upon skill level. My time has been much better spent keeping track of the kids and focusing on the household management.

However, this does not change the fact that in life, shit just happens. My husband already has had 2 total hip replacements (one for each hip)and the line of work that he is in, while less dangerous than what he was doing, is still dangerous. Industrial machinery is just dangerous. Less dangerous than climbing up on top of a dam crane at an electric plant, or a polar crane at a nuclear plant (those jobs made me crazy..whew)..but nonetheless, any kind of industrial machinery is dangerous.

So, for me, the answer is to keep my skills as cutting edge as I can so that I can have a prayer of walking into a job if I needed to and getting maybe a third of what he could get. This kind of living, however, produces an undercurrent of anxiety that, as time goes on, gets more and more difficult to ignore.

I think it's seeing what others have gone through when their spouse has died and they weren't prepared. I have seen it happen both ways and when you have the ability to pay the bills, everything else is a lot easier. That's the bottom line.

So, my husband reminded me that he would be just as screwed as me if something were to happen..and he's right. I don't even have to question it. Is this ego? No.

So, after getting to the root of my driving feeling of needing a job, he gets this thoughtful look on his face and then asked me if we had an extra $100 a month..well, yes...then he said,"Then shop for life insurance." and I went.."Duh".

This is a conversation that is hard for couples to have and it's hard for a wife (this wife) to bring up because the last thing you want your man to do is feel like a paycheck. He's so much more than that.

He is feeling much more relieved today, too. So, whew. That is going to free my mind up to pursue writing, which I really, really want to do. That's a whole 'nother epiphany though.

Watching a Memory Be Made

I started to write the following as a response to this postbut as I got to going, I thought it would be better over here.

My kid just came back having found an old whittling knife in his grandfather's workshop. His grandfather had passed away about 4 years ago, so this find was particularly poignant. He was my husband's ex father-in-law and I only got to meet him a few times. He was a very quiet man. These people live in Alabama in the hills and it's very isolated. There's a lot of living off the land and good Southern traditions out there.

I have had occasion a few different times to be there to pick up the kids from visitation and it's always been a little awkward to say the least. But, we all made the best of it and I'll never forget the last time I laid eyes on the owner of that knife. He was sitting in his rocking chair on the porch having a good day from the cancer that was eating him but had just come to the realization that it was going to win. His eyes were a clear and soft brown and he watched the children running, and tumbling, and playing together and he looked at me, shook my hand, and said "You come back, now." Those were possibly the only words he spoke to me in the short time I knew him. He was a quiet man and I was the new wife, the one who replaced his daughter, you understand. But those words, accompanied by that handshake and the look of love and softness in his eyes, spoke volumes to me and I connected with him like you just do with people sometimes, you know? I like to imagine that I spoke volumes back. It was a poignant moment because I knew I was never going to see him again.

This is one cool bone handled knife with real brass in it.

I personally just thought it was cool. I could see that my husband might have recognized it though as he was running his hands lovingly over it noticing the wornness of the handle, wondering what use the man who used it could have put it to during the last days of his life to bend the blades. Then they discussed how to restore the blades so that it would be good for whittling again.

This man had made every single piece of furniture in their house from cedar. The workmanship was incredible. My stepkids all have a cedar box that he made with each of them before he died. I am going to have to cull their brains and memorialize their grandfather for them on these pages.

Personally, I'm glad to have met him.

Child Rearing

My philosophy on child rearing is not that we are raising children, but instead we are building a team.

Isn't that what a family is? A team? Should be.

For those of you familiar with team sports..you know what it's like when you have a team that works cohesively together and performs as one? You know when you lose one of the players on that team..how it affects the rest of the people?

THAT is how it felt with my 17 yr old gone. I had a team member missing with no replacement for his unique talents and capabilities.

I'm so glad he's back. It's a lot easier than having half your team gone at the most critical points in time, but it still sucked nonetheless.

We stayed up til 2 am watching some movies he brought back and he got into a video game with his brother. It was cool!

Confessions of a Talker

Ok, I talk too much. I admit it. I know it annoys those around me. I try not to do it..it's just that what people say anything people say sets off an already busy ants nest of thoughts.

It's hard for me to write, but people that meet me say that I talk just like I write. It's hard for me to write, but good, because it is hard for me to pick one thought out of all the ones that I have. It's hard to shut the bouncy brain down. This is a product of ADD. I try real hard to be 'real' wherever I go. Sometimes that's good..like at barbecues and stuff and sometimes that's bad...like at the company party...but I'm consistant.

I have learned however, not to let the venting of the million thoughts in my brain interfere with effective communication. My people know when to listen to me. Well, sometimes my husband doesn't. He'll give me the obligatory "huh" when I'm talking and I'll either repeat it, or tell him "Idle female prattle, honey." and we're cool.

What to do with people like me when you run across us? Make sure there's another one in the group and put them in charge of food. They'll talk all they want, and make some kick ass eats for the rest of ya!!!

Mind Reading?

The male people of my household are completely convinced that I can read minds. I am the best damn Sherlock Holmes you've ever seen. Not only can I tell you who did it, but I can tell you how, and when they did it, and what they were thinking while they did it.

I've had to solve a lot of mysteries over the years. Like, how in the hell do the fingernail clippers always get the serrated edges?

I've had the very ingredients for the supper I was in the middle of cooking disappear right before my eyes.

When you have kids, there is always a whodunit. Trying to recreate how they managed to not quite launch the rocket out of the bedroom window was fun. First I had to put out the kids' feet who attempted that little adventure....

So, I was sitting there the other day talking with one of my surrogate kids who had spent the night when my oldest son comes up the drive. It's only noon, so I assume he was here checking on his friend or whatever. So, he pulls into his parking spot, goes into the house, comes out a minute later and says "What's up?" Then he gets in the truck and pulls it halfway out of it's parking spot, gets out and comes over to talk to us. The whole time, his friend is asking me, "What is he doing?" Finally, I looked at the kid and I said..."Geez, he's your best friend, and you heard the same two words I heard...do you think I'm a mind reader?" To which he replied, "I thought you might have a guess." So, I said, "Fine, I think y'all had a long weekend and he took the rest of the day off and now he's going to wash the truck..got some money for that?" At this point, my oldest came over and we said "hey"..and I asked, "So, off the rest of the day?" "Yup." "Washing the truck?" "Yup." I turned to the friend and said "Give me my money." and my oldest son choked on his Sprite. It really bugs him when I can do that.

I can do that to anyone I am around long enough. Why? Body language people. People communicate with so much more than words. Especially men. Trust me women, if you are in a grocery store with your husband and there is another man behind you, then there is some silent communication going on. Watch. It's all in the eyes.

The Saga Continues

So, my 17 yr old got home a couple of hours ago. I am ever so glad to see him. We just got done catching up on all the cool stuff he got to do while he was gone.

I was good. I didn't say anything to his mother. Literally. I let my silence speak for me.

After they left, I sat down with the kid and got the scoop. Apparently, and I did not know this, the other night about half an hour after I called and wrecked her entire week, my oldest son came home and called his grandmother next door to find out when they were coming home. Remember, he wasn't home when I called her, but she already thought I was lying to her. She and granny don't get along anyway..so granny calls up and rubs it in that the eldest called her instead of mom. Man, when a buncha women get together..LOL.

So, my 17 yr old went and got a calendar, counted the days for himself, realized he was supposed to be home, knew that I wasn't playing games...because he already knew the deal with my oldest and if he thought for a second that I was lying to his mom, my surprise at the knowledge my eldest had called erased it...and let the women get to yacking, anyway. So, I gather I was called everything but white and I had to just laugh out loud, really. He was laughing too, and that is what is cool.

There is no feeling like being able to look your kid in the eye and tell him the absolute truth and know that he doesn't doubt your word. That's a good feeling and I want to hang on to it. That's trust ..and it's the kind of trust you can take on a battlefield with you, you know? I guess I'm bragging a bit but I'm real proud of having been a straight shooter on this issue because it hasn't always been easy. I'm still a woman and my natural instinct is to be a vindictive bitch. It's almost like peeing on a tree to mark the territory. There is only room for one alpha female in the family, and I am it. Being the alpha female, though, makes it so you are constantly challenged and you kind of have to defend the territory. People are like that..give an inch and they'll take a mile. But, it comes with it a responsibility to not abuse what you have. Really. I have the power to make her life hell, but I don't need to. A simple 10 word phone call was all it took. Anything else would have been overkill.

Yes, she thought she was going to get away with having him over the 4th of July. That's when she had scheduled her next days off. He said it was over relatively quickly, all things considered. I guess it became apparent that he wasn't going to listen to her trash me, and neither was he going to participate in it with her and so she shut up. One can only guess, but I haven't been too wrong, too often.

I hate to sound crude..but I earned this...It's Good To Be the Queen...LOL!!!

How I Keep My Sanity

To keep from having Mommy burnout occur, every day, for 2 hours, the little ones are required to spend time in their room. They may read or color or sleep or anything else quietly. For the boy, that means read or color or sleep because he just can't help but make those car noises and bomb noises and before too long, it's like there's a war going on across the hall.

It keeps them sane too. I have a new book to sink my teeth in today..called "Shadow Divers" by Robert Kurson. It's about this submarine they found off the coast of New Jersey.

All in A Day's Work

I have very few rules around here. The biggest rule for the oldest kids is simple..do not let your behavior attract the attention of the local media. Right? Ha, ha.

So, one afternoon, my husband calls and says "Hey...ummm, turn on the news" Whaaat? Damn it. So, I turn on the news and there is a story about a gas main break in Atlanta and one business had to be evacuated.... WHAT? (Wish I could find a reference...but it was a small story)..

Anyway, the story goes that the other businesses on the street wanted the drive fixed. My husband's employer decided since he originally paid for the whole road from the get go with no help from anyone else, he didn't have to pay to have the drive redone. Ok fine.

So, my husband pulls into work at around 6am and encounters the crew working on the drive and apparently, they are what he called 'attitudinal', being told whatever about my husband's employer. So, being the good citizen that he is, he proceeded to tell the guy the story and assure him that his attitude was not appreciated and he had best put a smile on that face. For those of you who have been in the military and ever received a butt chewing from a superior..in the Navy it was the Chief's (E-7, 8, and 9) that you didn't want an ass chewing from, then you know what I'm talking about. So, he proceeded to chew this guy out so bad that he was so flustered a couple of hours later that he hit the gas main while digging up the drive. And, that my friends, is the rest of the story.

Man-Period?

Ok this is just funny. I wish I had done some drugs when I was younger just so I could have a flashback to break the boredom. But, like him, when?

Why I'm So Grateful

Reading what This Guy and This Gal had to say this morning reminded me very clearly of what it's all about.

Those issues were important to my husband and I when we were choosing a place to live. The house we chose was big enough for everyone to have their own little space but the big attraction was the yard. It doesn't even qualify as a yard. It's more like a backyard habitat. Really.

We have fig trees, cherry trees, apple trees, pear trees, a peach tree that died, pecan trees, a gorgeous magnolia and a buttload of dogwoods.

When you drive up the drive, there is a yard area on the right (in the back) that is the size of most normal suburban back yards. Then there is the concrete pad, then the pool (which is no longer in use, sigh) then there is another yard area where we have the horseshoe pit, a pine stand and then another whole lot. The pine stand is where we have our little campfires and you'd swear you were in the woods. We have all the accompanying wildlife that comes with the abundance of food. I have yet to see a deer, but I have seen plenty of squirrels, birds of every variety, and a fox or two. Snakes, frogs and turtles and blue tailed skinks. We got to see a real cool bug that looked like a piece of bark. Right behind us is a 33 acre pasture that used to have a goodly amount of cows in it but I think the guy that owns it is just too old to do the cows anymore.

The property line along the road is lined with cedar trees so there's pretty much privacy all around. There is room enough in the yard for all of the kids to have forts, which they do. And you'd never be able to find them unless you were looking, that's the beauty of it.

People are so amazed..they will come over and the parking lot will be full of cars...and I do mean full..but there is not a soul to be found.

This is why we drive cars that are 13 yrs old. This is why we sacrifice so that I can stay home. A little neurosis in this day and age is a good thing.

This is parenting our children in THEIR world. It DOES suck because, as parents, we also have to keep referencing back to our world and our motives. The motives for kids doing what they do are the same as they have always been. I tried real hard not to think about all the things that could have happened to little dude when he took his walk the other day because while I wanted to impress upon him that he couldn't be doing that, I certainly don't want him to be afraid to try new things. With boys, though, this overprotective feeling goes away earlier. It's real hard to worry about them being raped or kidnapped when they are 6'5" (that's my 17 yr old..) tall...ya know? That's what makes raising boys easier. At a point in time, they get big and strong enough to where the teenaged years are filled with other worries. With girls, it's different because even after they are grown, you have to worry about someone doing something to them so it's like double the worry. You have to worry about what they are doing, and then who they are doing it with. I think, somehow, it will be less worrisome with my daughter because of her brothers. She already has a posse and they are protective of her. And, she's a pretty tough cookie herself. I think next year, it's karate for us, then the guys won't have to worry so much. Even little dude (well, we've established he's fearless anyway) will stand up to anybody he thinks is messing with his sister. Nothing is so funny as the time his 1.5 ft. tall self stood up to my 6'1" husband and said "You say sorry to my sister! You made my sister cry!!!"

Anyway, that said, I am grateful to have been able to raise my children with a little bit of freedom. Not as much as I had, not as much as I would have liked them to have, but enough to where they weren't completely deprived.

Do I miss not having friends and am I lonely sometimes? You bet. Would I trade what some people call having a "life" for sharing the experience of picking the first tomato with my little people? Not a chance. Do I mourn for the lack of freedom that we all have to endure in this world? Absolutely. Only we can do something about it, though.

How You Know It's Time to Quit Drinking

When this key event starts happening, only it's your beer instead of coffee.

Gonna Be A Showdown

So, my 17 yr old is not home yet. He is off to Alabama visiting the woman who gave birth to him. He was supposed to be home yesterday.

This is the last visit that we are legally obligated to send him on. Therefore, I am not obligated to be nice to her anymore.

For 10 years, I have been a Christian woman with regards to her. She abused the kids while she and my husband were married. Which is why they got divorced and why he got custody.

When I came along, they had been divorced about 2 years and things were bad. We had to take out a restraining order on her and then had her summer visitation modified from 6 weeks unsupervised, to a month split up into two 2 week visits. So, they went there for 2 weeks, home for 2 weeks and then there again for 2 weeks. But, she always got to see them. At that same time, as a gesture of good faith, we waived all rights to child support. She hadn't been paying it anyway. So, for 3 kids, she has paid nothing over the years except for the occasional pair of shoes and a bookbag every year.

She got to see them when she drove for 16 hours after having worked the night shift, and was planning on driving 16 hours back. We had a counseling appt. that day, so my husband picked up the other kids in the waiting room, while I explained to the counselor..who had been HER counselor..I picked him because SHE trusted him..what was going on and then sat back while he chewed her ass out. Her own counselor. That actually gave me kind of a giggle.

The one who is visiting her now..the others are 18 and don't want shit to do with her...go figure...when he was little suffered from psychotic depression. I'm not sure you ever grow out of it, but you do learn to recognize the triggers and learn to avoid it. When he was first diagnosed, though, we had him on an anti-psychotic medication. It would never fail..he would go for a visit with her, she wouldn't give him his meds, and he would come back in a full psychotic episode. I don't know if anyone out there reading has ever had to deal with that, but it's scary as hell and it's really scary as hell for the person going through it. I had to threaten her with court again and to call the police if she wouldn't give him his meds. This is AFTER she already has to have a motel in the same town as them during spring and Christmas visits. For a few years, during those weeks, I would show up at the motel with his meds at bedtime. But we STILL let them visit.

Never have I put her down in front of those kids. I have told them the truth..like the discussion I had with the 17 yr old about his 21 yr old brother not wanting to spend time with her. She came over one evening during graduation and had 15 min. with the oldest one. He wanted to show off his new suburban he bought..he save 4000 dollars and paid cash for it. All she wanted to do was bitch about the other vehicles he had that he didn't take care of. Hasn't seen him in over a year..and that's how she uses her 15 min. and it's MY fault that he doesn't want to spend time with her. I said to the 17 yr old..you were there, did she use her time very wisely? He had to see the truth in that and game point for mom.

Here's the thing, yes, the 21 yr old made some bad purchases in the past. You get what you get when you're buying a used car, you know? However, his more mechanically inclined 18 yr old brother has been able to get them all working and the 21 yr old is letting him keep the money from selling them, or letting him drive them...so what's the problem? The 17 yr old is taken care of too. She can't see it like that, though.

She called up one time and had him convinced..hysterically convinced..that she didn't have any heat and that she was in danger from a storm. I swear that I would have throttled her right then if I could. I let him see me chew her out and tell her to do the right thing by him. But I have never been ugly to her.

Early on, she told me that she had the power to make them hate me. At that point in time, she did. I told her that she didn't have very much time with them, so go ahead, I had the rest of the year to fix it. And, so it began and so it ends.

So, yesterday evening, I called and asked her.."Where are you?" She replied..At the house and the 17 yr old is at church. I said, "Really, we were expecting you back today." She replied that she had to work today. So I asked her when she planned on having him back. Yes, she made me ask. She said her next day off wasn't til Tuesday and I said.."See ya Tuesday, then." Then she was like..."Well, are the boys there?:..and I was sorry to report that they weren't. The oldest one was expecting her this weekend too and made plans. The 18 yr old worked all weekend except Saturday when he babysat for us. She didn't believe me. Tough shit.

And you know what, on Tuesday, I'm going to be just as nice as pie...maybe. Probably. My hormones will be rearranged to spell sanity once again..damn.
I told my husband to have some bail money ready just in case.

She's damn lucky she answered the phone last night because my next call was going to be to the police to file a complaint. I have legal documents that still say I didn't even have to let him go for the month.

But, you know, I hate having to feel like this. I can do it and pull out the inner bitch when called upon. But I don't like that person. Well, yes I do because this is righteous anger. All I really want to do I just cold-cock the bitch right in the face one time just for all the aggravation she's caused me over the years and all the extra work. Jeez. And if I don't do it, my husband will, and he's got 20 years of anger built up and she's had it coming for a long time. And believe me I don't advocate the beating of women, duh, but I do believe in equal opportunity, eh? She deserves one for having done that to the kids.

We'll see what tomorrow brings and what the atmosphere is like for my 17 yr old. I will not do anything to make things worse for him. Despite everything, he still thinks he can affect a change, bless his heart. I have to see first how much deprogramming I have to do.

Sigh.

UPDATE:

I'm not going to do anything rash. What I've been doing is working for me, so there you have it. Felt good to say it though.

Hell, Yeah

Back from the races. Had a fabulous time. Drunk as shit. Oh, when I'm drunk as shit, I cuss like a sailor. Forget I'm not one.

The races were awesome..awesome I say. I love all racing, I am a total convert but I have to say the coolest part of the show was the buses...the school bus painted up like Dale Jarret with an 88 on it and UPS sponsor won that event. They were not shy about using the bumpers, either...totally a cool show.

The whole event was cool but the coolest part was laying down the bets with the husband as to who would win. Watching the late models..first race, my guy got penalized for bringing out the caution..next round..double or nothing..my guy won...spent the money on a beer, Dale Jr. cup and a round of pool after the races.

I have to say not only do I love my husband, but I lust him too, and he's my best friend. That's just fucking awesome!

Let me tell ya something else too while I'm drunk and happy and feeling philosophical...Ladies,I cannot emphasize this enough, do not skimp on the lovin' with your man. If you expect him to have any kind of sympathy or provide any kind of real help whatsoever during pms, then you must understand the effects of testosterone on men. It is the same and fortunately, there is a way to relieve it....and I don't know, it makes me feel pretty damn powerful and good to make my honey feel as good as I know I do. There's only a few 'real' reasons to skimp on the lovin' ...proof positive that he's been unfaithful..and I do mean positive...that is a health and safety issue...or medical reasons (i.e. after childbirth..etc.)or if he beats you or something..but then you shouldn't be married to someone like that, let alone sleeping with them. That's it. period. Call me old-fashioned but I believe that if you're not in the mood or whatever, you should say so, but compromise and please him in another way. I went through my 20's being one of those headgame playin' biotches that Rob talks about..and then I decided honest would probably be worth a try in my approach with men. Then I met THIS man, and all I've gotten have been good things as a result. So, I dunno, you tell me....

My favorite rock/rap..whatever the hell genre Kid Rock says "You get what you put in it and people get what they deserve"

I'm on cloud nine now and maybe for the first time in my life, I feel like I deserve it.

Bitch, Bitch, Bitch

The old man and I are going to the races tonight. I'm pmsing, very attitudinal and sick of the kids. He's sick of me pmsing, very attitudinal and sick of the kids..LOL. The kids are pretty sick of us right now too...they told us. They all breathed a sigh of relief when we said we were going out tonight, too.

I feel so bad for my husband sometimes. He's been working 6 days a week. On a Friday night, I'm sure all he wants to do is sit down, eat a good meal, have a beer and a little lovin'. That's not what he got last night. He got a pmsing, overtired wife on the verge of lunacy. Instead of a nice meal, he got leftovers and the first batch of rice burned at that because I was so frazzled dealing with the kids all day. My patience had snapped.

So, he took a look around and went Senior Chief on them and gave them an ass chewing like I haven't heard in awhile. Funnily enough, it was almost the exact same ass chewing word for word that I had given them like 2 hours before. That male booming voice just carries so much authority..I don't get it.

So, we finally got some peace in the back yard and got to sit and plan our outing. About the time we got relaxed, up comes the 18 yr old with all these questions..when are you coming back..blah blah blah...we told him not til dawn, but if we come back that late, we'll bring breakfast..LOL.

And, it's really not like my husband has had it any better..working 6 days a week, dealing with the crappy traffic, and coming home to a lawn that needs to be mowed, crap that needs to be fixed and a bunch of guilt trips for the both of us for all the crap we aren't doing for them. Be a lot easier to do those things if I wasn't getting up at 4 am, doing the dishes and cleaning the downstairs, mowing the grass, doing laundry, planning gourmet meals..for 8-10 every day (yes), trying to keep myself in halfway decent looking shape, running every little errand that comes along...and the list goes on. Some days I would like to go in the kitchen to clean it and not have it take 3 times as long because of the constant interruptions of wants and needs. Jeez, it's like a half an hour job that takes like 3 hours.

So, my husband listened to me bitch for like a long time last night, did some bitching of his own, assured me that I couldn't quit, he couldn't find anybody to replace me, and we retired to commence with the loving. Then he dragged his ass up at 4 am this morning to do it all again.

Ya know, I don't know what I did to deserve such an upstanding guy..but hey, all y'all raise your beers in salute to him today for me will ya? He puts up with a lot.

Pure Joy

Yesterday evening, after cooking supper, I decided that it has been 'long enough' since I drove the Camaro.

Y'all will hear me talk about this car alot. It's nothing special..1992 25th edition RS, 305, 8-cyl.,lots of torque, and a 5-speed. It has a speed governor on it so I'm not sure how fast it really goes. The speed governor kicks in at 105 and it's not even whining. It's just going thrum, thrum, thrum like only an 8-cyl. can do. It's not the fastest car out there but y'all have to understand, for me, it's a first. I am car crazy now!

Never have I been able to achieve the emptiness of mind that comes from driving. When I'm driving that car, my entire 5 senses are employed with driving that car, nothing else intrudes. I have favorite places to go (as does my husband..LOL) to drive it a little wild and it's just an adrenaline rush. Last night I just took it around the block to the Food Lion, but I sure got there fast..LOL.

I can completely understand what the NASCAR boys are talking about when they say they love to drive, oh man, wish I were 20 years younger. I feel as though I am one with the car. It is there for me to command and it responds to the slightest touch. It also happens to get 25mpg at high sustained speeds like that. If it was a gas hog, I would hate it. But it's not.

I guess it seems kind of dumb to write a whole post about a car but the point is this...it's the pleasure that the little things in life give you that make life worth living. There is going to come a day when I'm going to be too old and feeble to ever consider driving a car like that...so why wait? We wait on things and then it's too late. Seeing my dad die from a brain tumor that had metastisized from his lung taught me that. He was only 53.

Most people wait to do and say alot of things..waiting for that perfect moment, waiting for more money, waiting til their kids grow up..before they do anything fun or say what they feel. Why? It's the every day consistancies that make the relationship. Like, when my honey comes home tonight and sees that the big part of the yard is mowed and that all he has to do is sit down and have a beer and visit with us...or when he comes home from work and just starts helping me cook supper or clean the kitchen without being asked. It's the little stuff that counts.

If you're feeling depressed and down, go do a random act of kindness for someone you know will appreciate it. Go make someone else's day nicer instead of trying to drag them down to your level of depression. Life is too short, trust me on this.

22 Days

It has been 22 days since I have seen anything other than the house, Food Lion and Sam's club. Oh, yes, there is the occasional trip the the liquor store to get ogled by the creepy guy in there. As well, this means my only company lately has been the 7 and 8 yr old.

Yes, I am a bit of a loooonatic. If I don't get to be with some adults soon..y'all might be reading some Runaway Wife headlines or something soon.

No, I really won't do that...but still....Paddy's Irish Pub is calling me this weekend...hint,hint,hint.

The News

So, I'm sitting here reading my local newspaper. There is a headline that says "U.S. to give N. Korea food aid" I thought I was going to link to it but apparently since it's not bitching about the sitting president or trying to prove that we are 'evil, capitalistic, Americans, or because there was no runaway bride or real drama to this story, it is no longer listed on their website.

So, apparently we are sending 50,000 tons of food to N. Korea to feed their hungry and they need 150,000 tons more.

We are doing this why? Simply because they are hungry. Oh, we're so terrible aren't we that we want to see an end to world hunger and we don't think food should be withheld simply because their government is ignorant. Does this have anything to do with the nuclear talks? Not really. Will we throw it into their face that we had to feed them once again and use that to influence their decision and put a little muscle on them? Absolutely. But honestly, a country that cannot figure out how to feed itself has what need with nuclear anything?

Geez, it's like they're kids. They want to move out and be independent, but they want Mom and Dad to pay for it all...doesn't work like that. Oh, and then instead of showing gratitude for all the help, they want to have that credit card. No credit card til you figure out how to feed yourself. No nuclear weapons til you figure out how to feed your country..get your damn priorities straight.

The Little Dude Factor

Let me tell you, little dude is one of those kids I'm glad I was a little older when I had because he can push the patience to the limit.

Why oh why did I pray for smart kids. Jeez, God has a sense of humor. He socked it to me with little dude.

Little dude is 7 years old. He is also the youngest of 6 kids. He is also the youngest boy. In a large family, it does kind of tend to have that survival of the fittest kind of atmosphere. Little dude has spent his life trying to catch up and 'be big' like his brothers since he was old enough to be aware. When he was 2, we caught him climbing the ladder to the shed. When he was a baby, if I wanted peace, I would put him in his room and put the baby gate across his door and go into my bedroom across the hall and just clean in there for awhile. He is definitely not a napper, either. This kid gets up at 6 am and runs til he drops at 10pm.

So, recently, his sister, who is 8 was allowed to go over to a friends house and have a sleepover and whatnot. As well, he's been seeing his older brothers come and go with their friends. He has also been asking me all summer if he can go visit some friends. I have kind of been blowing him off because I don't know if he's quite civilized enough to go over to a friend's house. Well, yesterday evening, he decided he was big enough.

It took me a couple of hours to unravel this mystery, but as far as I can tell, this is how it occured. My husband came home from work..the 15 yr old had a friend over who lives across the street and has a younger brother that little dude knows. All the kids were on the couch playing video games..15 yr old, friend, little dude, little momma. So, we let the older one know that we were going to be behind closed doors in the office for a few minutes while we worked out the schedule for the rest of the month. Cool..get that done. Hubby has one more phone call to make and I have an email to send. We opened the door checked on the kids, and the little dude and little momma were watching cartoons. The 15 yr old asked if he could go over to his friend's house for a little while. Sure..no problem.

Sent my email..took about 10 min to write. Walked out to the garage, noticed little dude was not there. Asked little momma where little dude was..she said out front with the dog. Cool. Go to garage with the first frosty beverage of the evening, waiting on the pizza dude.

Go back in the house 10 min. or so later...dog is inside..no sign of little dude. Hmmm. Anybody know where little dude is? Maybe upstairs in his room or in the bathroom. 15 min or so later, the 15 yr old comes home and asks if I've seen little dude. Nope..ok..now I'm looking for him. Just starting to gather the troops to mount a search when the phone rings. It is his friend's mother calling to say that he had turned up over there about half hour before. Thank God he remembered his phone number.

That little boy walked like a half a mile down a very busy (fast) street, into a subdivision, turned left on the right street, and found the kid's house. He remembered from the bus route where the kid lived. Apparently, first he was going to follow the 15 yr old and go play over there. He figured out, though, that big brother probably wasn't going to let that fly. In a way, I feel bad for him because this little kid has everybody in the family bossing him around. He needs all of us, too..but he'll see that when he's older. So, he came right back. My daughter told him not to do it again but she wasn't going to tell on him for going across into the neighbor's yard. So, he told her that he was going to take the dog out..and did. He waited til she got up and went to the bathroom, brought the dog in..looked around to see if anyone was watching and decided to take off...barefoot.

After we picked him up, we fed him and sent him to his room. He came up with some wild story about how his sister double dog dared him to do it and that put a curve in things. Finally, I just sat the two of them down together and let them tell the story and correct each other and whatnot until it all came out. They are like an old married couple, it's kind of funny. He finally finished his story with "My brain made me do it. I tried to not do it.."

So, hubby and I were sitting there discussing the proper course of action to make sure this doesn't happen again and he says that the oldest one took a walk down to the park one day at about the same age. He said he got off the school bus at school and instead of walking through the doors, cut school and went to the park where they would hang out together. When I was about the same age, I decided that I was big enough to walk to school by myself and it was a very busy, fast, road too about 1/4 mile away from the top of the hill. The gravel road up the hill from the house was about 1/4 mile long too.

Jumping ahead a few years, that same personality trait of determination, perserverance, and belief in one's capabilities are good things, they just must be molded and taught to use those things at the proper times, you know. That's a lot harder to do than taking the easy way out..beating their butt...telling them not to do it again. If I was in the habit of doing things that way, then he wouldn't have trusted me enough to tell the truth.

However, he also needs to understand that there are consequences to his actions. The punishment for his crime. First, he is grounded to his room until it is clean, and I mean military clean. Second, he is not allowed anywhere without an escort. He's kind of pissed about that. He soooo wants to be big and to be able to do big things so being treated like a little kid and not being allowed outside unless he can talk someone into going with him is going to be rough. His older brothers came home in the middle of the whole melee last night and they are really good about backing us up. He really didn't want them to know about it. They know..LOL. I let him stew for quite awhile. He's upstairs right now cleaning that room. He KNEW he was in trouble. He didn't want to give up the phone number and tried to take off for home on his own.

Man oh man I need a vacation.

Music...A Miracle Taken For Granted?

I am fascinated by music. I have a good ear for listening (it's all the sound and vibration analysis I did in the Navy, maybe?) but cannot reproduce it in any form. God knows, nobody wants me to sing. I used to play guitar..haha..I used to WANT to play the guitar..took lessons, learned a scaled down version of Dust In the Wind...sigh. My ears are so good, my husband often utilizes me in his work and with fixing cars because I can listen and tell what's wrong. If I could make music, I would be ecstatic because it all moves me so much. But, I am destined to be an appreciator only, and that's cool, too.

Anyway, music fascinates me because there are only a certain amount of notes..8. Why is this a miracle? Because everybody from Gregorian Chanters to Gretchen Wilson to Chopin use the SAME 8 notes. Think about it. No, really think about it.

I love all kinds of music. My favorites on this day are Gretchen Wilson, Big and Rich, Kid Rock, Nickelback, some (a certain few) of ICP (Insane Clown Posse), all the regular stuff like Led Zeppelin. I can't listen to Pink Floyd in any entirety because I understand too well the state of mind that the music represents and I don't like being in that place.

Now, here's another miracle of music. You can use music to alter your mood. Quicker and more effective than a pill. Really. In a bad mood, crank up some Aerosmith and rock out!!!! I'm not a huge Aerosmith fan, actually. But, their last album, Honkin' on Bobo, is a must have for anyone's collection. Those guys are like fine wine and it was so good to see them put this together and blow away all the newer bands. That album to me represented 30 years of fine tuning your style and they got it right. I am enjoying watching Kid Rock develop as a musician. If you want to know what I mean..get Grits Sandwiches for Breakfast (make sure the kiddos aren't around) that he made when he was 19 and then get his latest one.."Rock"..then you'll see. Need to have a good cry, put on some country music.

Most of the ones I like now have something to say. My son brought home Puddle of Mud and I liked them too.

The point is, is that each artist takes those same 8 notes and puts them together in such a way that it represents what they are feeling at the time. The lyrics are there to expound upon or perhaps even explain what the music is trying to tell us.

8 notes...all those interpretations. It HAS to be a miracle. There is no other explanation for it.

If I Were a Kid Again...

The pasture behind my house would be as familiar to me as the back of my hand. There would be a well worn path to the lone oak tree standing in the middle. The climb up the oak tree would be so effortless as to seem that it grew footholds just for me. If I were a kid again.

Why You Should or Shouldn't Take Your Wife To Work

Depends on your point of view, I guess.

It was a sunny day in April 2001. My husband came home and informed me that he had been laid off. So, after panicking a bit, not for long..no time for that... We reached a decision. We took our last bit of money and set up a business acct., got a business license and all the paperwork done to start our own business.

What we do (my husband does..LOL) is fix industrial equipment. He likes to focus on the motor controls, but we also do cranes..overhead and gantry. That makes our customer base major manufacturers. Well, we all know what industry was hardest hit by 9/11, right? Manufacturing.

And, yet, here we are today, still in business. Just picked up our first full-time contract and we've had an annual inspection contract with a paper company around here since we started.

My learning curve over this period of time has been tremendous. The respect that I've been given in primarily male workplaces has been mind-blowing. One time I was up on a crane where we were fixing the rail. The wheels had somehow dug a rut in this steel rail like it was a car stuck in the mud. So, we had to weld the rail and then grind it back down. My job was to grind the rail. A couple of feet over, my husband and another guy were working on changing the wheels. This is a trick, let me tell you. First of all, understand that the only time I have seen or held a grinder in my life was the night before when my husband brought it home. I had about 15 min. to figure it out before being called away to my other duties. Second of all, I am only 5'1" and weigh about 115 lbs.

So, I go up and start grinding away, trying to get the feel of it and trying to get myself positioned high enough over the rail so that I could not be reaching up to get to what I was doing. Once I finally got in a comfortable position, I look over and realize that I'm throwing sparks right on the guys trying to change the wheel. So, I go back down and wait...then get the all clear. So, I go back up..and this genie boom is kind of old and jerky..so I reach out with my pinky to steady myself. I had figured out how to block the basket up against the steel beam so that it would steady the whole thing so I could feel comfortable moving around a bit. Ok, so, close to the top, I realize that my pinky is being pinched. You know how sometimes your brain is just processing something but it doesn't really register and get to the right place..in this case, the finger that was on the up button. FINALLY..it gets the message to reverse direction, but it's too late, my finger is numb. I pick up the grinder because my first instinct is that I do NOT want to see what just happened. (I did have super duty gloves on) I decided against that, though and pulled my glove off. Wow! Didn't look too bad. Went to put my glove back on..realized, I couldn't feel my finger. So, I hollered over to my husband..."Hey, I just smashed my finger, what do I do?" He says.."What?" So, I held up my finger and said "I smashed the f--- out of my finger, what do I do?" (I used my best Roseanne voice so that it would carry over the sound dampeners) THAT got his attention..and the attention of the guy who was working with him who made a grimace that told me it was looking a little worse. So, my husband said..."Well, get down from there." One of the operators came with me up to the snack room for some ice and asked me what I did..I showed him and he said "Holy sh--, you're awesome, you're not even crying" I was laughing loud by then.

So, then I went out to the smoking area to "make a sacrifice to the 'bacca Gods" as Redneck would say. Understand that this company is a worldwide distributor. They have a VERY proactive safety program...they have a stoplight out front, for crying out loud. Green is no injuries, yellow is for lost work hours due to an injury, and red is due to lost work days due to injury or something like that. So, anyway, along comes the maintenance guy giving me crap saying that I made them have to change the stoplight..ha. Since, I wasn't even down long enough to have even had a lunch break, it didn't..but man,are those guys sincerely ever nice to me. All because I hurt myself doing something stupid and didn't cry? My husband tells me that they are still telling stories about that over there. Thankfully, the gal we had welding was able to finish up the grinding for me and I stood the fire watch and humped the tools where they needed to go.

Four years later, we've decided that this isn't what we really want to do. Instead, we want a garage with a diner attached to it (like in the Fast and the Furious)that you can get a sandwich or something..place to hang out while you're getting your oil changed or something. We'd like to build that up into some hot rod work and I'm going to become an apprentice grease monkey next. Well, I'm already an apprentice grease monkey but perhaps in a few more years I'll be writing a post announcing the grand opening of our new venture.

This is what it is all about. This is what we're trying to achieve for the Iraqi people..the freedom to make your own choices, the freedom to choose your own destiny. The freedom we have had to spend with our kids because of this is something we wouldn't trade for anything in the world. Those boys have been out there on job sites sweating right along side their dad and me. The three older ones and my husband put up a 1-ton crane for a company that makes marble counter tops. As soon as we got it done, and got a check that was short, we couldn't get in touch with them any more, so I faxed the remaining charges (shipping and an extra lift rental charge because they didn't want the lift taken away when we were done with it). As well, I mailed the invoices and got no response. A month or so ago, they sent me an updated phone list and I faxed the invoices then, and also remailed them to the new mailing address. A couple of weeks ago, they had an emergency they wanted my husband to take care of and could not understand why he wouldn't show up. Yesterday, I get a call from them informing me that because Iwaited so long to send the invoices, they weren't paying the shipping charges. I'm not going to say their name yet, because I am giving them the opportunity to do the right thing. Does anyone have any idea how much it costs to ship steel? It ain't cheap, let me tell you. I don't have that kind of money to throw away. That small amount of money has cost us so much because we are so small, you wouldn't believe. In all these years though, this is the first person to do this to us. I am probably going to have to write the money off as a loss which sucks and it has taught us a painful lesson. And the gal had the audacity to say to me yesterday that it wasn't like them to not pay us. WTF? Sure seems like from all my experiences with them that it's VERY much like them to not pay us. I'm glad that they don't represent how all businesses treat their contractors that get them running and making money quickly. Most people are grateful and that feels good. To get them out of a bind, up and running...just feels good.

You know, we aren't greedy, we don't over charge and we deliver good service. And, we're going to continue to be that way. There will be no more 'favors' though..such as with the lift rental. I may be a sucky business woman because I don't play the cash flow game. When I have a bill, I pay it. Keeps things simple and people off your back. Makes 'em more willing to work with you and be understanding if the inevitable shit happens and you're short one month, too.

Is there a point here? Nah, not today...sorry.

Childhood Memories

Having read this article over at The Mad Pundit, I was reminded of a childhood experience.

When I was about 8 years old my mother and I were walking along the sidewalk and all of a sudden, she doubled over moaning in agony. I was, of course, very concerned for her well being, and scared. When I asked her what was wrong she said I broke her back because I had stepped on the sidewalk crack. You know, I believed her. She started laughing after a minute and then told me the old superstition but from that moment on, our relationship was changed forever. To this day, I cannot walk down a sidewalk without remembering how horrible I felt, thinking that I broke my mother's back.

Parenting - Starting School

Ok, so you've gotten your little one walking and talking and using the bathroom.

The day has finally come for him or her to start school. Take pictures because this is the very last of the worry-free years and the last of their absolute adoration of you.

The first day of kindergarten is exciting for everybody. The kid is excited because they are 'big' now and the mom is probably not so happily excited, more anxious than anything else.

So, you watch them get on the bus for the first time, and think about their activities all day and wonder if they are just having the time of their lives getting to do all this stuff they've never tried before. None of my kids was scared to go to school because they had been watching their brothers do it for years. So, the day ends and they come bounding off the bus to give you a hug. You ask how their day was and they say "Fine." Then comes the look, the narrowing of the eyes in suspicion accompanied by the observation "Mommies don't know everything ." I have to know if this is specifically taught in the curriculum. Do they just drill this into the kids' heads? After this, every sentence they speak will be preceded with "My teacher said" ...

And it's like they are disappointed in you because you don't know everything. This is actually kind of a critical moment. You don't want your kids to get the idea that you are not a reliable source of information.

At this point, our role in their lives has been altered. This is a good thing, trust me. You don't want your kid to worship you and think you're perfect. Why not? Because you aren't perfect and they are going to figure it out sooner or later. Better to establish that right up front.

Here's the good news. It's not a requirement for you to know everything or be perfect. The only requirement that they have is that you be open to new ideas and willing to help them find the information. So, if your kid asks you a question you don't know the answer to..don't blow him off or make something up ..tell him you don't know and go look it up and learn it together. If your kid comes home and knows something you don't, allow him to share it with you and take joy in that he wants to share his knowledge with you.

Understand that we need to listen to our children because THEIR world is different than ours. (Remember that?) This point got driven home to me recently while shoe shopping with my youngest kid. He was insistent upon this one style of shoe and we had to search the racks over until we found his size. It was maddening, I tell you. But, I decided that one time to humor him. After we found the shoes and he walked around in them a minute, his face broke out in a HUGE grin and he says "Yes!!! Nobody will be able to step on THESE in line." Then he gave me a huge hug. Did any of you just have a flashback to elementary school? I sure did.

Once, when all the kids and I were playing Monopoly, I ran into a bit of a spot counting. Now, I am a smart chick, but I don't have a computer for a brain, I often need pencil and paper at least to do the math. The kids reacted to this information with a lot of relief, and it surprised me. I thought that they were going to think I was stupid and not respect me. Instead, what happened is they helped me and they were more inclined to come to me for help because they knew I understood. They didn't feel I would be disappointed in them for not being perfect. So, you see, when you try to create the illusion for your kid that you are perfect you are sending the message that they have to be perfect, too and when they are less than perfect, they feel like they are letting you down. When you allow them to see your humanity, what happens is then they get to see how you solve problems and reach conclusions, as well. By pretending to be perfect, we are cutting them out of the process that teaches them how to set a goal and work towards it. Then we wonder why they have no patience, why they can't set goals, why they don't want to ask us anything, why, why, why. That's why.

The next thing is in order for a child to become a productive member of society, he must first become a productive member of the family. Yes, it starts this young. It's never too early to teach a kid that hard work yields great results. The best way to teach them this is to do chores with them. Notice, I didn't say assign chores. That is a given. However, in order for this to work correctly, it must be an assigned time, it can't be personal and you can't make them do it alone while you are sitting on the computer doing stuff or whatever. When it is time for cleaning, then it is time for everyone to be cleaning. Now, what kinds of chores do you assign what ages?

Well, they have to be able to accomplish the chore. They should do their own laundry whenever they can reach the knobs. They should be able to load the dishwasher when they can rinse their own plate. Before that, they should be able to put silverware away and whatnot. As soon as they know where to find a toy to play with it, they are old enough to put it back. Give them the chores that they want to do. Makes it a lot easier. Praise them for their efforts. Say Please and Thank You. Tell them they did a good job so everyone can hear.

This teaches them about teamwork and that when you work together you can accomplish miracles. It also makes them feel like a valuable part of the family. Think about it, who likes to feel like a mooch? What makes you think little kids don't either.

It also gives them a physical outlet for any frustration they may be feeling and it helps to boost their self-esteem when they can stand back and see that they've accomplished something.

Gender makes a difference here. Boys aren't naturally as detail oriented towards housework like girls are. If you're having a boy clean the kitchen, just deal with the fact that you are going to have to lift the toaster oven and clean it. However, when doing outside chores, they are a lot more detail oriented than girls, I think. And with other things that are more wired for male thinking..but that comes later. It's fine. Just accept it. And this is just my own observation, remember. Of course there are going to be anomolies..I have varying degrees of it right here.

As well, when your kid comes home with a problem with their classmates, it's easy at this age to want to pacify them and make them feel better. Yes, it hurts when they came home after having a bad day but you can't just tell them it's not their fault and send them on their way. You must LISTEN to them, as if they had an adult problem, and offer solutions and observations appropriate for the problem. That means that if they caused the problem, you have to let them know that what they are experiencing is a direct result of their actions and if they want things to be different they must change. Only you say it so they can understand you. My daughter came home at the end of the year saying that none of the other little girls wanted to play with her anymore..they said she was being mean. So, I explained to her that everyone got a little cranky at the end of the year because they were all going to miss each other and it's easier to say goodbye when you are mad. She got it, but then, the next time she was being 'that way' to her brother, I nailed her with "Geez, why are you being so mean?" THEN she got it.

So, during the elementary years you're building the next layer of your relationship with your kid and sealing the foundation that you've built. Now is when you are working on building trust, teaching them problem solving skills, teaching them to deal with their emotions in a constructive manner, and that there are consequences to their actions.

Next, the Middle School Years....

Hunting Anyone

Ok, I came across this website and at first I thought that it was I don't know...lazy? But the more I think about it, the more it sounds like a good idea. Now I've never been hunting before but I can imagine it would be a hell of a lot easier to get me to go if all I had to do was throw on my bathrobe and go down to the computer.

Memories

This being the 10th Father's Day we've celebrated as a family, I found my mind wandering back to the first days that seem just like they were yesterday.

First of all, when I met my husband, he was a single dad of 3 boys. They were a pretty tight team, too, let me tell ya. My husband was real concerned about his oldest one at the time. Apparently, he had informed my husband that if he tried to marry anyone else he was going to make their life a living hell. I had to laugh and assure him that I wasn't scared of an 11 yr old. Keeping that in mind, though, I spent some time with him and "kinda sorta" got an invitation to his birthday party the next weekend. The middle one was sick and when I got there, my husband picked him up and carried him to his room gently and tucked him in, it was very sweet. The youngest of his came in with a scraped knee and I full expected my husband to tell him to suck it up, he was fine..go on and play. But he didn't. He hugged him, and set him on the counter and washed it off, made him laugh and THEN sent him back out to play.

You know, those guys didn't cheap out with ties and socks yesterday either. They pooled their money and got him a welder and all the stuff to go with it. A cool solar activated helmet so you can see what you're striking...gloves..no rods though...didn't know what kind to get. My daughter is in charge of wrapping and you better damn sure have some bows to put on the presents to make them look pretty.

The very first Father's Day after we got married, they pooled all their allowance money and birthday money to get him a Weber grill. It's cool, it has a gas tank on it to light the coals, but it uses real charcoal and has a place to put it in the door. He was using it still yesterday to grill the thick cut ribs real slow to go with the potato salad (and I make the best damn potato salad around, and that's a fact!)real baked beans, and corn on the cob that was roasted on the grill. We did have a feast that started right with the first green lap of the race. Greg Biffle did it AGAIN!!! Followed closely by Tony Stewart and Mark Martin...what an exciting race. It was the trucks that were awesome this weekend, but I love the trucks better than anything. Dennis Setzer brought it home but whose eyes weren't on Harvick in the 92 truck...14 positions in 4 laps..incredible. And, then can't leave out Carl Edwards who did it again in the Busch Race. That guy is incredible. He's in the top 5 in standings in both series, as well as a win and a top 5 finish in both races. I'm sorry to say that I couldn't hang through the Busch Race and had to call it an early evening.

After the racing, my husband and I headed out to the back yard to throw some shoes, drink some (more) beers and discuss the nuances of the races. Horseshoes is the one "sport"? that I can actually compete with the guys and actually hope to win one or two. Sometimes I get lucky playing pool, too, but that's real rare. Oddly enough, though, this does give me an advantage in public because most guys don't expect me to be that good. They don't see what I have to keep up with just to be allowed to play..(grin)

Anyway, it was an all racing, all Dad weekend. It's Monday and I'm whooped.

Gotta start getting ready for the next party..4th of July..Yee Haw!!

For All The Wonderful Fathers Out There

Happy Father's Day! I hope y'all are truly appreciated for all the things you do for your families every day!

I've Had Stranger Days

The sun is up over the yard arm and the beers are frosty! I need this drink. Every so often you run across something that is just disturbing enough to need a drink. That actually happens quite frequently around here. You'd think that wouldn't be an occupational hazard of being a mom, eh? Ha! See, I can't just be a mom to my own kids. I am sort of like a neighborhood mom, too. I don't think it started out that way by design, but my kids just keep bringing their friends over for me to heal and love and I can't help it.

I remember the 'first' one I adopted. He came over and we wound up in a discussion of how he went to visit his mother, her boyfriend started hitting her, he stepped in and she had the SON hauled off to jail. Not the boyfriend. And was he disturbed about that? No, he was still disturbed because her boyfriend was going to hit her some more. He was worried that I would think something of him for having been in jail. (He's now in college and doesn't have much to do with his mother)His story was worth a few drinks though.

A more recent one was bi-polar kid whose dad beat him severely when he was smaller and went to prison and he was trying to find God and stop doing drugs, but he was worried about his mom and confused because she wouldn't speak to him for doing meth when she had done it with him. He came over here one morning after running from the police all night after having threatened to commit suicide. My son and I took him to the emergency room and psychiatric hospital respectively. I told him to call his mother on the way over and he did and told her where he was going, she didn't stop bitching at him about his dog long enough to hear where he was going...3 days later tracks my cell phone number down trying to find him, thinking all kinds of things. That one was worth a few drinks, too.

Then there's the one who showed up with all of his stuff packed in his truck with absolutely no idea what he might have done to warrant it. My heart broke for him. He said, "Whatever I did, I am sorry and I'll never do it again."

Then there's the newest one that came over telling stories about how his mom is over at their house threatening to send the kids to the state and leave them. He was telling me stories about how they all went fishing, he got frustrated with his fishing pole, said he was going to throw it in, (he's 13 yo) and the boyfriend said "Fine, do it then." and then when he did, the boyfriend smacked him in the face. And there was more.

I am just ill. And, you know, my husband could really have a fit with me 'adopting' all these kids. But he doesn't. He lets me love them and feed them and worry about them and helps them in his own way, fix their cars and bikes and take them to work with him if they're capable...

Usually I'm a pretty nice person but I'd like to give a big FUCK YOU to the parents that treat their kids like this. If I had a bigger house and was independently wealthy, they could all live here.

With that said, we hooked my husband up for Father's Day. He was kind enough to go and fill out a wish list at his tool store of choice and made it easy! I was hoping to get him something cool this year but unfortunately, necessities have priority and he gets a radiator for the Camaro from me.

Oh, and I do say "Hey, y'all and Yeehaw"..for the record..and I have been known to stand barefooted in my own front yard with a baby on my hip, too for that matter.

Parenting - Birth to School Age

With this philosophy in mind, birth to school aged children are the easiest to parent. I can remember being a young parent worrying about all the milestones they are supposed to achieve and in retrospect, it was a bunch of useless worrying. But, I digress.

"Their" world from birth to school age is pretty much controlled by you. It's your job to start preparing them for the next phase of their life which is school. So, you're busy teaching them all the things necessary like going to the bathroom and tying their shoes, maybe some letters and whatnot.

Even at this age, their main purpose in life is to make you, the parent, proud of them. That is their whole goal in their interaction with you. They perceive you as a God and Goddess and if you praise them, then the sun has just shined down on their world. Revel in this, it doesn't last long.

They also start realizing that they are separate people with separate opinions and start to express their opinion quite often and quite often loudly during this phase of life. You'll see this pattern repeat itself at different phases of life, usually when they are confronted with the unknown. It is simply because they do not have the vocabulary or life experience to express what their needs are, therefore they do it the only way they know how. It is your job as the parent to recognize what they are trying to communicate and teach them to communicate it in a more appropriate manner. Or recognize that they are overtired and need a nap.

It's during this critical age that parents start telling their children what not to do instead of what to do. For example, your little one comes in with a toy and leaves it in the middle of the living room floor. Most parents will say, "Johnny, don't leave your toy there", and then are surprised to find it in the middle of say the dining room floor later. Instead, you should say "Johnny, go put your toy in your room." Tell the child what TO do, not what NOT to do.

Trust me, your kid will be potty trained in time for school, and all that other stuff parents worry about. No, he won't be saying goo goo ga ga either and neither will he be crawling. He'll probably have all of his teeth, too.

So, for this age, quit worrying and enjoy them because this is the only worry free years with them you are going to get. Read some stories, chase some butterflies, and lightning bugs. Get some bubbles and sidewalk chalk and have a blast. Explore the wonders and marvels of the world through their eyes and reexperience it. Once they start school, it's a whole different ball game.

Inspiration

Inspiration comes in many forms. The inspiration for this postcomes from an old sitcom called Grace Under Fire with Brett Butler in it.

Ok, so in this particular episode, she just wants a few minutes to pursue her hobby and her kids are normal kids..LOL! One scene shows her in the kitchen beating on the ceiling with a broom..so familiar. She finally goes over to the neighbors and is kind of whining at him about the problem and he says.."It's only a distraction if you pay attention" and proceeds to tell her a story about a guy who sat for 12 hours with a fly on his nose. We weren't supposed to be impressed with the guy...but instead the fly who resisted all the hand waving around and attempts to dislodge him. His advice to her is to be the fly.

The closing scene of the show was Grace sitting in her living room, painting, with the kids in the background playing and jumping on the couch and everybody is happy. That particular day, yesterday, I guess, I was considering having to hide in the restroom again in order to have to write (hence the name of the blog)but after watching that, I decided to be the fly, too. I guess when I edited all of this out of the other post, it changed the meaning of it a bit.

Here's to being a fly!!!

My Dream Car

I found it, the car I want...1987 Camaro Iroc Z28 in Cranberry Red.

Let me tell you, if I had been savvy enough 20 years ago and had access and opportunity to any kind of hot rod, I would have been a race car driver. Seriously. I had NO idea...until my husband brought home the Camaro we have right now. Maybe that's why my dad was so adamant that I not have one. Let me tell ya, I kick some butt on the video games. Not like the guys, mind you..I am convinced that certain video games are designed with male wired brains in mind..and that is not an insult.

I really don't think I'm going to be satisfied until I get my car on the local half mile track one night. Just for the thrill of doing it.

Couldn't do what the NASCAR boys do, though because I would just HAVE to have some music in there while I was driving. Can you imagine driving for 500 miles with someone yacking in your ear the whole time...? Hell no...I'd be like "Hush up, I'm trying to DRIVE here." My favorite commercial of all times is when the show Jr. trying to clear his cd player in his car.....THAT'S how I'd want it.

So, the search is on for the dream car. I found a 91 for a good price that will definitely do!!!

Insomnia

So, I missed my sleepy window and I have caught a second wind. Yahoo! Thought I'd go cruisin' some of my favorite blogs since I couldn't sleep. I like reading what other people write. I could be using this time constructively to figure out how to put the links back into this blog without moving the whole sidebar down to the bottom. But that requires a few brain cells I don't have at this time of the evening, so I decided to head on over to Redneck Ramblings and see what he had to say and got a HUGE ego boost!

I hit Spud King'splace to drop a belated line on Greg Biffle's win a couple of weeks ago...already did that..LOL (I must be getting old) and over to Mad Pundit and The Regular Guys. I haven't been able to listen to The Regular Guys on the radio since summer started and I miss it.

I think that gives some people a mention until I get my links fixed. I do have them all saved, though, so when I figure this all out, it'll be good.

Got to hang out with the older guys tonight and have a couple of Dr. Peppers tonight..LOL...last night I drank entirely too many of my new Black Martinis. Had to do a lot of taste testing to get it right. Anyway, so tonight I got to hang out with the older ones a bit, which I don't get to do often because they stay up much later than I. One of my surrogates dropped in, too, with a report on next semester's classes in college and the news that he got promoted to manager of the movie store. Way to go, kid!!

My poor husband partied with me last night and then had to go to work today and sweat in the tortilla factory fixin' all the stuff the operators broke. Needless to say, he tried real hard to be good company tonight but the heat and the supper took over and he went to bed early. I tried to go to sleep a little while ago, but couldn't quite get to sleep. Since my husband has to be up in like 3 hours to go and do it all again, I thought I'd dispense with the tossing and turning and leave him in peace.

Tomorrow, I get to pick up a radiator for the Camaro and do some Father's day shopping. You might be a redneck if you give your husband tires for your 10th anniversary. (Does that count if they have a speed rating of 140mph?) I think the tool store is going to love us this year..I talked him into making out a wish list!! Definitely on the list this year is a quiet place to watch the race in peace and a cooler full of beer to go with it!!!

Well, if I'm going to get any of that done, I'd better get a few zzzz's...

Kelly's Black Martini

Made a new drink yesterday...

Anyway, it's my favorite malt beverage (Smirnoff Ice Triple Black) with 2 olives and a bit of olive juice. Oh my, I probably tasted a few too many of those last night, but damn, they ARE good.

It's Only a Distraction if You Pay Attention To It

This is the time of year where I start getting a little cranky and sick of my kids. I haven't had a day off since summer started and I'm a little tired, ya know. And, kids being kids, they of course want to be exactly where I am, doing exactly what I am doing at the same time that I am trying to do it. In other words, they want to help..LOL!!

As I write this, I have been interrupted with requests for towels, glasses of water, hugs and kisses, excitement over the behavior of the fish, and the goodbyes of those going to work. Of course, the dog managed to escape this morning, as well.

So, everybody is washed and dried, fed and watered, hugged and kissed, exclaimed over properly and wished a happy day at work. The dog is home and curled up on her cushion and peace reigns. It just doesn't LOOK like I did anything.

As well, I have no idea what intelligent, witty, smart sounding observation I was going to make about the state of the world today.

It's not that stay at home moms are stupid, it's more that they do not have the time and energy required to articulate and catalogue the myriad of facts and figures it takes to defend an opinion on any given subject.

Hope y'all have a good day...We're going to the lake to cool off!

Another Birthday

I am always exhausted at this time of year and I've never been able to figure it out. Well, I figured it out today. It kind of goes hand in hand with people commenting that every day seems to be a party around here. And, no not the alcoholic kind of party, just a celebration and a lot of planning and being busy..very busy.


The reason for this is that since the end of March, the very last day of March, we have had, birthday, birthday, birthday, Mother's Day, Graduation,Anniversary, Memorial Day and another birthday. All in 2 months. We usually get to Talladega in the middle of all that, too. This time of year, I am either cleaning up after a celebration and planning the next. Next is Father's day. Then 4th of July. Then another birthday, then 2 more birthdays, another birthday, then the holiday season starts in.

Maybe that's the secret to happiness...have a party once a week and celebrate something. Make it fun..get some little kids in your life and try to think of new things to make their eyes go wide in awe and wow...on a budget.

Yesterday was little dude's birthday and we took him to spend his birthday money at the flea market. I have to say that we have the best flea market around. There is something for everyone and I do mean that. They even have a food court. Heck, my teenaged sons go up there shopping, I never have any trouble getting my husband to go.

When you walk through the door you are greeted by the smell of freshly made donuts which you can get with chocolate on them or powdered sugar and they are the best donuts I've ever had. So fresh that you can't eat them right away...but you have to try anyway.

We have a birthday tradition with the kids that we try to take them somewhere during the weekend nearest their birthday and do something alone with them. When you have more kids than parents, the one on one time is at a premium so having both parents undivided attention for 6 hours or so is a real treat for them. A birthday present in itself.

We wore him out spending his birthday money and answering questions like "Are we in China? There seems to be a lot of Chinese people here..look...chinese, chinese, chinese." (They were Mexican, but he doesn't know the difference..LOL!!) He barely stayed awake during the ride home, but after we got home, he perked right up. While we were gone, his sister orchestrated the decorations, the older boys being her willing laborers, and dutifully putting up ribbons and showering confetti per her instructions. The funniest thing about that was I had forgotten to buy decorations, so she improvised by using different types of wrapping paper and cutting the edges fancy for banners (she's 8 remember) and finding some ribbon that she had chacheted in her room from Christmas and making it curly. She also taped a plastic flower to one of the banners, kind of like mistletoe.

Then it was time for presents, and my oldest son got the wow and the excitement and the "You read my mind.." for the Batmobile. The next most popular was the Grave Digger that jumps 10 inches in the air...woo hoo!! Meal of choice, of course, which was fried chicken legs, macaroni and cheese and a salad with bacon and eggs in it. (Peanut oil for frying...yum) And he wanted strawberry shortcake for a cake..so I made a yellow cake, topped it with good and juiced up strawberries, and topped that with whipped cream and decorated with the sprinkles my daughter insisted that I buy. All in all, he was one tuckered out kiddo.

We did find time in there somewhere to watch Carl Edwards win at Pocono! Way to go!!!!

You know what? I'm really not looking forward to when all that is required of me on a birthday is to write a check. I love my days being filled full of wonder and marvel at the simplest things.

Women in Combat

I noticed recently that the bill for women to be allowed in combat was shot down again..pardon the pun.

As a veteran, and as a woman, I am glad. Does this make me a chicken or a non-patriot? Hell no. I would certainly bear arms for my country and go to combat if called upon. So, don't even think that.

The reason that woman can't be in combat is pretty simple. The women might be able to handle it, although, it would cost a lot of money in counseling and prozac later..and you better believe that's part of the reason. The other part of the reason is the men. Men are wired to protect women the way women are wired to protect children. In order for women to be in combat, the men must be TRAINED to ignore a woman being tortured. In times past, what would happen, is they would torture the woman and the guy would spill all he knew. So they have special programs in the different branches of the service in order to train guys, and these are the special forces guys, to ignore that and let it go on as they would if it were another man.

This would be the same as teaching women to ignore the sound of a child being tortured. It would just alter the psyche to where the person would have to relearn to feel again and I don't know if you can undo that kind of damage.

Women have plenty to do and their jobs can have a direct effect on things around them, without being in danger. I know that the job I did had a direct effect on the end of the Cold War.



I was paid the same as any other second class at the time.

I was fairly well respected in my community and all of this was told to me by a guy who crossed into our rate who had had to go through those training courses...POW courses is what they are. There is a look in the eyes of a guy who's gone through that training..and combat. Talked to a few people who were stationed in places like Bahrain and they had a look in their eyes too that bespoke of horrors that rob a person of innocence. I have been told over and over that these places are truly just no place for women, that they have absolutely no respect for wo

Parenting

Man, oh man, is there a tougher job on this earth? There are no manuals, you just have to kind of wing it.

I think most parents are misguided as to what their roles are in the lives of their children. A lot of parents think they have to protect their children from everything. They don't believe they are "old" enough to handle things. They are protected from death, they are taught to 'never' do things...etc.If they aren't given the tools and taught how to handle things, guess what, they aren't any better prepared to deal with diversity when they are grown up.

So, let's get the first rule of parenting down. Your role as a parent is to ensure that your child has the skills necessary to survive in their world. THEIR world..not yours. The real world as it is this minute. Doing it any other way is like doing jungle training in boot camp when your fixin' to deploy to the desert..you have to update your parenting skills with the changing of the world.

Now, everybody knows what the goal is...remember..to train your kids to be able to survive and function in their world....How in the heck do you go about it?

Well, the second rule of parenting is to realize that ...drumroll... THEY ARE BORN INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE..you do not shape them into individual people with likes and dislikes..they are born that way. You cannot change them from birth. When they are born they are already separate from you. Think about that and all that it means. Just because they haven't developed the skills they need yet to communicate what their needs, likes, dislikes are..does not mean that they don't have them and when they are able to communicate them, we should not ignore them.

The next installments will cover some specifics but I want those reading this to think about the 2 basic principles and they we'll work on how to apply them to parenting. Questions and comments are welcome and appreciated and I will try to answer as many questions as I can.

A quiz

Your Dominant Thinking Style:

Exploring You thrive on the unknown and unpredictable. Novelty is your middle name. You are a challenger. You tend to challenge common assumptions and beliefs. An expert inventor and problem solver, you approach everything from new angles. You show people how to question their models of the world.

Your Secondary Thinking Style:

Modifying Super logical and rational, you consider every fact available to you. You don't make rash decisions and are rarely moved by emotion. You prefer what's known and proven - to the new and untested. You tend to ground those around you and add stability.

What's Your Thinking Style?

Spirituality

I wanted to talk today about spirituality and how to recognize it in your daily life. This is not to be confused with religion. I am one of the people in the world..I have no religion. I believe in and try to understand the philosophies of all religions. I believe very deeply in God. That He exists there is no question in my mind. What form he takes or what his chemical/mass composition might be...beyond me..and that's the question we really want to know when questioning God anyway..what does he look like?

When I was a very small child, I had a visitation by what I have felt to be an angel. I suppose it could have been the voice of God but my instinct was that this was a messenger. It appeared as a shadow on the wall and the message was very simple: "Always remember that no matter what happens, everything will be alright." Even thinking those words, gives me a chill. And they give me courage. All through my life, when I was alone, those words alone would comfort me in the night.

I forgot them during the 'dark years' as I call them ( I pray to God they are over now and that the light can reign)and it wasn't until my dad was stricken with cancer that I recalled them. It was after he died and my brother reported that he said the angels were on the walls and they were talking to him. It was the only corroboration I have ever had with my story and the corroborator isn't here to answer my questions. But I trusted my daddy with all I've got and I have to believe he saw what he saw.

Anyway, has this experience shaped the way I view the world or feel about things? Sure does. And attitude is everything isn't it?

First of all, it made me not afraid of things or more importantly..not afraid of failure. No matter what, things are going to be ok, right?

Second, when the inevitable shit did happen, I was able to recall and realize that "this too shall pass" and do what was necessary in order to make it pass more quickly.

Thirdly, it has made me grateful. Grateful for my friends, grateful for my family, grateful for my health. And, being grateful, I go about my days in a haze of love. I do the dishes because it is so comforting to be able to have a cup of coffee in a cozy, clean kitchen in the morning. I do the laundry because the kids love the way it smells..get my drift? Chore time is fun around here because we all work together so that we can do something more fun together.

It has mostly helped me be able to heal from those curves that life has thrown and instead of getting bitter, use those life experiences to help others. To help them cope with the pain of being abused, persecuted, neglected, and hurt. To help them get rid of the anger and the pain that comes with it and to help them find the healing within themselves.

I have also gained a wierd perception into people and their problems. I can actually feel their pain like I'm some kind of emotional psychic or something. I don't go out much because I see so much unhappiness everywhere, that I can't turn it off or escape from it, so I have to limit it to a manageable level. Even on the internet.

And, for those of you who don't understand...it's simple...love. The answer is UNCONDITIONAL love. That means you see your spouse, child, whoever..FOR WHO THEY ARE and love them anyway and are happy for them when they are happy, sad for them when they are sad, and accept that they are going to make mistakes..we all do, we are human. I don't know if God is going to judge us, but we still shouldn't judge each other. Loving the unloveable is the hardest part of all. The gal who talked Brian Nichols into giving himself up is the best example of that that I can find.

It's all in the little things too, and learning to recognize effort, and expressions of love that are different from the way you are raised. I think this is where most people have communication breakdown..they don't recognize the love that is there before their eyes. Some people express themselves by cooking special food for you to feel better, or fixing your stuff, or some people are more materialistic in their expressions of love, some people apologize with words, some with actions. If you are living your relationships with love, then you will appreciate and recognize the return gestures. Your teenaged son is not going to buy you flowers as a gift without being told by his father..who is also probably not going to get flowers either...he might, however, plant some trees for you along your property line, or get on the roof and clean the gutters without being told...those are all expressions of love. Taking the time to put the grocery cart back in one of the designated areas is another small example. Do you know those poor kids have to go out there in the rain and collect those carts? Make their job a little easier, for crying out loud and at least put them where they go.

I made a vow with myself that these kids would feel appreciated. Whenever I wanted them to do something, I asked them to please take out the trash, and thank you for taking out the trash...and good job! when they did extra and they could count on their favorite food being prepared in the very near future. Why do they do chores without too much fuss? Because they truly feel valued and appreciated for their contributions to the family, they don't feel like a drain, and they feel the love. Love is one of those things, the more you give it the more it comes back to you.

So, what does God look like? Who cares. Just Love Everybody like Big Kenny (of Big and Rich) says. Try it ...it's hard at first, it takes practice..but you know what? You have NOTHING to lose...not a damn thing. Maybe your feelings will get hurt but you know what? No matter what happens, things will be ok!!!

Budding Gardener

One of the hardest parts about quitting smoking is what to do with all the extra time you suddenly have on your hands. Think about it...in an average workplace, you have to walk for a few minutes to get to the smoking area, smoke the cig, then walk back and if you are running machinery then you have to shut it down and then bring it back up to speed, all of which takes time, right? That is one thing you never hear about gaining..time..and that is what makes quitting the hardest because those moments you used to spend filling with a cigarette, all added up, are like pennies thrown away or nickels even...it doesn't take long for it to add up. Throw a nickel an hour in a jar for a few days and see how quick it adds up..and that's not even the price of a cigarette. Those 10 min. here and 10 min there add up just like the nickels.

So, how do you combat that and fill that time. I suggest a hobby. Something new that's doing to demand that time a little and make you learn. My first hobby was this blog but even that isn't enough. You have to get up and walk around sometime, right?

So, my other hobby is gardening. I have never been a very patient gardener or a very good one before but all this extra time I have is being devoted to the tomatoes, so, I think it will be good. I'm going to be even more ambitious this morning and plant some okra while it's still cool outside. (It HAS been hot lately!) I don't know the first thing about gardening so when I'm not actually outside doing something to the plants, then I am going to be reading about what to do next. I hate to do anything halfway, you know? I'm hoping to add a different vegetable every year until I have a well rounded garden. I think after this I will try my hand at some herb gardening (fresh dill is wonderful) in the off months. It will be better to have some good fresh vegetables to show for all that money and work, than an iron lung, a huge prescription bill, and an early death, eh?

Rules for living with men

I have always believed that women should attempt to get in touch with their masculine side as much as we expect men to get in touch with their feminine side. I like the way men do things for the most part. They like it simple. So, do I get stressed out because I have no curtains and decide that they are just trying to keep me down because they don't like curtains? No, I recognize the simplicity of keeping blinds clean..woo hoo! It's a pain in the rear to wash a bunch of curtains.

All that time I would have been spending cleaning a bunch of stuff, I can spend out in the backyard with the guys throwing shoes and tossing back a couple of brewskis.

There's a few personal rules I've adopted for myself living with a bunch of guys and they work for me.

1. Limited drama. Men don't like a bunch of drama and complications. They just want to have a beer and chill.

2. Limited questions. This one is kind of hard because men do not like to give up information. Make your questions count.

3. Approach a conversation or possible confrontation in a manner that is calm and rational. Unnecessary tears or histrionics qualifies as unnecessary drama. Make sure you are right and can back it up. (This is key and should be for everybody)

4. Don't abuse your bitching rights. It's like the little boy who cried wolf..they just quit listening after awhile.

5. Do not call your husband at work for every single, little thing. Same as the rule above, they will quit answering and when you have a true emergency, they won't call back.

6. Understand that men are sexual, and sensual creatures and that testosterone is a hormone that affects their mood as well. Also understand that for this reason, sex should not be used as a weapon. My personal opinion is that the only time you withhold sex is if your spouse is cheating on you. When we turn our men down, it isn't ego that we are hurting, the message that we are sending is that we don't want them or love them. Sometimes we are even saying that we don't care about what their needs are. Really. Sex is a lot more complicated emotionally for men, I think. They use sex as a comfort tool, too. Imagine if you were really depressed and hurting and someone had the very thing and the power to heal you and refused?

7. Don't draw the line in the sand if you're not prepared to defend it. Period. For example, I got a new pool cue. I said one of them could use it one time. That meant forever. It now needs to be retipped..LOL. (It's a nice graphite one too..) My mother's day niche...the only way to keep them out of it is to never invite them in and to kick them out when I see them there. Or not..but if I don't then I can't say it's mine..make sense? They will assume that I don't mind until I say something. So, if you don't have the energy to defend it ..then let it go.

8. Understand 'their' world. I got a glimpse into my husband's world when we started a business and he took me on a couple of different jobs with him. I watched how men interact and it really is dog eat dog and you can't show your weakness in front of other men or even be perceived as having a weakness or they will jump on it like they all have rabies or something. You have to play your cards close to your chest. They call it game face. Understand that it takes them a little while to take it off after they get home and adjust to it being a safe place. That's what you represent..safety.

9. Know your own power, your own strengths and don't abuse them. Women in general have a lot more power than they realize and most of them think it's all in one place..and it isn't. As a result, they tend to abuse their power of influence...or at least render it ineffective. It's about trust first...and credibility. The more credible you are, the less emotional you need to be to make your point. If you're right, just be right..don't rub it in..nobody likes that.

10. Sometimes it's fun to go fast and be a little bad. Look ladies, get out from organizing whatever and get in the car or on the back of a Harley with your guy and go a little too fast...or whatever is your thing..just take some time to play together..it's fun. (My husband says he's going to teach me how to do donuts in the Camaro when we get new tires..woo hoo!!!) They are going to do crap like that anyway..why should they get to have all the fun..and why would you want them to go and have fun without you? Isn't that what it's all about..blending your lives together..not having one person rule the other?

I have separate girly things that I like to do but when I go to do them, then I am kind of lonely. So, when it gets to bothering me too bad, we take a trip home to Texas and all the women in the family and then the balance is restored a little and it's easier the rest of the year. Whenever I do stuff to make things look nice around the house, I get lots of compliments and lots of help with things, as well. It really pays off.

Try it..let your hair down..don't worry about the little stuff so much..make it about being part of a team instead of the men against the women. That is the only way true equality can be achieved. And see, women, men don't think about this stuff, so it's up to us to figure things out and act on them.

Oh, there's one more...recognize that just because you don't get 'traditional' gifts, doesn't mean that there isn't love in their heart for you when they give it...and that's the only thing that truly matters. Flowers die, but I'm still cooking like Emeril in that electric skillet that I got. And I love it because it's big enough to cook for everyone. I have some kitchen tools that other women would die for and that make my life easy enough that I can spend more time with them. My tomato plants I got for Mother's Day are going to be putting out some pretty tasy tomatoes. One plant has 6 on it by itself. I have gotten my husband 2 what most people would consider really horrible gifts that he just absolutely adores. The first was a stool. He had just had a hip operation and all the furniture in the house was too short for him to sit on..so I got a stool. He still has it. This year for our anniversary, I got him 2 tires..LOL. He's going to love those too because they are going on the Camaro that we had the big fight about last week and he's going to drive it to work.

There's probably more, but that'll do for now.