Marriage and such

Being that my anniversary is tomorrow, it's kind of on my mind. I got to reminiscing about what I "thought" marriage was going to be like, and what it really is. The differences are actually kind of damn funny, really. I'm gonna have get my husband's view on this, because I bet he was sure enlightened, too. Although, he probably had a more realistic view of it, having been married once before.

I for some reason thought that once I had a man in my life, that all my troubles would be over. I thought that there would be no more stress, ever. Well, hahahahahahaha, misconception number one. Nope, there's still the same amount of stress as there ever was and me and my husband jumped into like every single MAJOR life stress there was as per those check off sheets all in like the first 5 years of our marriage and that is no joke. And it has slowed some, but it hasn't stopped. I had to look over at him the other day and say, you know...dayum, it's been a ride, but I'm sure glad to be taking it with you..and that's a fact. I am so glad that it didn't turn out the way I thought in my mind marriage should be because the reality is just so much better. I could not fathom the depth of loyalty that I feel for this man. I would take a bullet for him, and that's no joke, either.

I thought being able to have some one to cuddle up with for the rest of my life, to be able to turn to them if I had a nightmare all that hokey jazz would be what it was like. Well, hahahahahahahaha again. Truth of it is, is there ARE times when you are woken up by your spouse snoring just ONE too many times in a night, and at those moments, the angels aren't playing little love songs on harps over your head anymore, man they are hiding and ducking because something might just go flying. And when you have to get up in the middle of the damn night to go to work anyway, you better damn sure not wake me up unless the house is burning or there's blood or something, right guys? We actually had a morning like this this morning. Does that tell you anything??? It is only 6 am and I've been up long enough to have a COMPLETE fight with my husband, get over it, sit and think about it and start laughing...OK? THAT is the reality of marriage.

He twitched and I sighed. I figured yesterday, he got him a GOOD nap, if you know what I mean and he got a long sleep afterwards. It was a long weekend, and he got up and went to work, so I figured he deserved it. Never mind, that I did get up right after he left for work yesterday and I WAS taking my own nap. And here's one of those things with naps I can count on. 20 min. after I lay down, it does not matter where he is or what he's doing, he will wake me up. It doesn't matter what time I take a nap...20 min later, he will find a way to wake me up. I swear to you this is the truth. When he was travelling..when would I get that phone call??? You guessed it. But, I don't bitch..I don't.

It's cool. I would miss these stupid little fights if they weren't there. Because underneath what people SEE is the truth. See, when you're married, the important stuff doesn't take long to talk about. You see those people just arguing away in the streets and "Fight like a married couple" comes to mind. Yeah, that's what we do. I wonder when we became an old married couple. That's what I can't figure.

And, it's only been 11 years. I can still remember our first date like it was yesterday...I wonder if my mother in law feels that way even after all these years. Hmm, something to ask her. It hasn't been long enough to erase all the time I spent alone, that's a fact. I mean, being alone had it's advantages at the time, but I would have preferred a companion.

I have to say that the one thing my husband and I did right was 2 basic things. We were always honest with each other..there are no lies between us and we accepted each other for exactly who we were. Sure there's things about him I might not like, but you know, I couldn't name one, I honestly couldn't. The CORE stuff matters...all the rest is bullshit.

Sure there's times when I'm just kind of sick of him and need a little space..it happens..you get sick of the people you work with when you have to see them day in and day out. I get sick of my kids sometimes...hey, shit happens. That's when you send them fishing for the day, or make a hair appointment, or have lunch out with a girlfriend. Me, I go to Texas and hang with my sisters in law and mom in law. Well, any excuse will do to go to Texas, LOL! Man, and how cool is that? How can the dude get pissed at you for taking off to hang out with HIS family??? See, why I'm so lucky, it's like God provides everything. Seriously.

Anyhoo, marriage sure isn't what I thought it would be and to be quite honest, I am really, really glad. I'll take the REAL any day.

I've Been Thinking Today

That's always kind of dangerous, when I get to thinking. I was listening to the kids last night and a few of them were impressive and few of them were impressive in another kind of way.

Some of them liked living at home because of the "free rent" and the ability to maximize their income. This was the group that didn't favorably impress me.

There was another group that thought the same way, sort of. The "free rent" part of it was there, but this group of kids have 401Ks and savings accounts so that when they finally DO become independent, they can truly be independent. These are the kids that have realized, albeit a little late in some cases, that you gotta WORK for what you want. This group of kids has progressed beyond the shit jobs of fast food and grocery stores into the realms of manufacturing..jobs with BENEFITS. If it weren't for this group, I'd have no hope at all for our generation.

It's funny but it finally feels like summer. The kids haven't been around for awhile. They've been off bettering themselves and whatnot.

Some of these kids have been coming to the house since they were 12 and 13 years old. I truly feel like they are mine, in a way. That is what I absolutely love about living here. Never before in my life have I lived in one place so long and it's a novelty to me, for sure. I like it. I like growing a few roots but you know, every so often..about every 2-3 years the urge to move hits me HARD. I know there are OTHER places I could be experiencing. Usually a road trip takes care of it. These kids..man, I love them all for their different qualities. They still marvel at how much alcohol this little girl can put away. Hell, sometimes I marvel at it, but that's the beauty of learning to pace yourself. You can drink longer and really, over time, drink more than anyone else. It was a weekend like that..lots of partying since my husband had 3 of the 4 days..(he had to work Saturday). We stayed up way too late last night for a work night, but we wouldn't have missed seeing our little marine kid for anything.

This kid I am so very proud of. He was a rebellious child. He had the long hair and he used to wear a bowl around his neck, for crying out loud. He was who he was and he struggled through high school, got in trouble with his parents, finally joined the Marines. We saw him for the first time last night since he joined. He looked good. He was all buffed out had a high and tight and had some military bearing. He was unconscious of it, as well. We let him tell his boot camp stories of being down at Parris Island getting the shit eaten out of him by mosquitoes and being trained to NOT MOVE A MUSCLE. Givin' anybody any flashbacks??? We had a few mosquitoes in Orlando when I went through boot camp but the thing that sticks out the most is you have "20 minutes and 20 minutes only to eat your fine, fine, Navy chow" To this day, that makes me laugh my ass off, I just don't know why. I ate like a HORSE in bootcamp too.

God, I'm old. But, hahahahaha, old lady or not, these boys are a bunch of lightweights and this old lady can STILL hold her own. Just sayin'

Oh yeah, I saw the FUNNIEST sign on the way to Unicoi yesterday. "Rent a Redneck" There was a bunch of stuff on the sign that these rednecks would do for you, but we went by too fast for me to read all that and besides I want to sit around and make up my own things to rent a redneck for. That just sounds fun. Hey, we could even have a play along.

I got other thoughts meandering around this noggin of mine, but one thing at a time, eh? It's usually a matter of picking ONE thing. It's hard. I could write 4 or 5 stories for every trip or gathering we have from SEVERAL points of view.

See, you can hardly tell that I'm pretty pissed about a few things right now, huh? But, we're just not gonna go there.

I do have a few things that popped into my head as a result of the weekend happenings. Observations, things like that. Misconceptions between THEN and NOW. right there. So, stay tuned and have a great day!

Like A Tornado

That's how the parties blow up at my house. It seems everyone gets on the same wavelength and decides to show up. We were so busy this weekend, I am exhausted.

Saturday night was racing at the local track, with some awesome fireworks as the grand finale. We took a picnic and had a great time. It wasn't over until 11:30 or so.

Sunday was the normal race routine, watched the Indy 500 and the Coca-Cola 600 complete with feast. We were pretty tired still from the night before.

Monday was run up to Unicoi and soak our feet in some cold, cold water, and that just felt heavenly.

We got home and thought we were going to make an early night of it and the cars started rolling in. First it was the girlfriend, then it was a couple of the oldest ones friends, then they decided to grill out. Pretty soon we had groups of circles all over the yard and I was having to direct traffic.

The one we were happiest to see was our new recruit. Well, he's not a new recruit exactly..he's gone through boot camp and on his way to Pensacola for school. He doesn't even know he's changed. That's the funny part. He thinks he's the same as he ever was, but he's not. Not a few months ago did he show up with his hair down to his shoulders and a bowl hanging on his neck. I told him that he really didn't need to advertise, right? And, now he's in the Marines.

We raised a few beers to our fallen comrades and told a couple of sea stories.

It was a good weekend.

Happy? Memorial Day

Well, I'm not so sure what I wanted to sit down and write today. I was sitting here this morning just thinking about how somewhere along the way lately, I have lost my perspective.

I don't know when it happened, but it did happen. I started this blog all cheerful and over the course of the year...I have found myself bitching and whining more and more. And, I hate that.

And, I actually know how it happened. Right before I started this blog, we weren't working 6 freaking days a week. We are over freaking tired and wore the hell out. There's never enough time to do anything it seems anymore and when we have the time, we surely don't have the energy. I want my weekends back, dammit!

Too much stress will work your nerves. Do you know, we went to the neighbor's house last night and that is the first time I've been away from my kids since I cannot even remember. I have no idea when the last time I spent some time away from my kids was, honestly, besides going to the store. Hell, even last night, one of them showed up where we were. So, we probably had like 45 min.

And trust me, there's been some other stress. The stuff I complain about here..it's all secondary. But, thankfully, the solution is at hand. And that's another part of the reason I don't have a job. Sometimes, it's up to me to keep the perspective, which I do pretty well for the most part, I think, hell, everybody needs outside input occasionally, right? I figure even knowing that my perspective gets skewed and knowing when to listen to other opinions puts me ahead of the game, anyway. That was a hard thing to learn, really.

In a sense, I am the morale officer around here..that's another duty of mine..ha!ha! I boosted their morale the last couple of days making some stroganoff, Yeah, Sandy made me crave it, then I made a big ol' smithfield ham and there was enough left over for them to have ham slabs and eggs for breakfast and then I cooked a big ol' pot of beans yesterday with some of that ham in it and tonight we're going down to the local racetrack, Lanier Speedway with a couple of kids and their friends to watch some racing. They have an awesome fireworks show, too.

Tomorrow and Monday are going to be spent hanging out with the kids, and grilling meat on the grill and remembering our fallen brethren and the ones living. I always think of the Thresher, The Mike, and the Kursk this time of year. And the Scorpion. May they rest in peace.

Y'all have a nice weekend, ya hear? Take some time and thank a public servant. Not just the military, either..don't forget our people who fight a war on the streets every day, our police officers and our emergency medical personnel, our firemen, and anyone else who supports them in doing their job. We love you, too! Thank you!

They Grow Up So Fast

The first time I laid eyes on my college boy, he was sick. My husband had invited me over and Joe had one of his sinus infections he used to get as a little one. He was 8 years old. Seeing him is part of what made me fall in love with my husband. He picked him up off the couch and carried him to his room, tucked him in, and kissed his forehead. I thought it was the sweetest thing I had ever seen.

The next time I came over, he's the one that answered the door. He said, "Da-a-a-d, there's some lady at the door." We were best buddies after that.

Pretty soon it came to where this kid didn't want me to go anywhere. I had come over one day and got "kinda, sorta" invited to the oldest one's 11th birthday party, right? Well, swear to God, I had no idea what on earth would be a good present for an 11 year old and was getting ready to dash out and try to find SOMETHING, right?

Well, college boy turned those blue-green eyes on me and said "But WHY do you have to leave?" My son was having such a good time in the pool, I asked my husband if he minded if we swapped kids for awhile and I took Joe shopping with me. Well, that was the best thing I could have ever done because he helped me HIT THE JACKPOT!

I remember because the oldest STILL has that present. It was a display truck with real wood planks in the back. Not a model, but like one...it had chrome smoke stacks and everything. And, I got him a glow in the dark model of a dinosaur because he was into all things reptilian..still is..hahaha!

So, we had a boy-girl party that year and it was a smashing success. It almost wasn't though. Rick was panicking because all the girls were all huddled on one side of the pool and the guys on the other side. Well, looked to me like the situation called for WATER BALLOONS, right? So, me and the gals started chasing the guys with the water balloons and a good time was being had by all.

There was one lady in the neighborhood that had designated herself my husband's savior. She just thought he was too ignorant to be a single parent because he was a MAN. So, she was standing there bossing everyone around and this kid got a LOOK on his face. And, he was holding a high powered WATER gun. I just KNEW what he was gonna do with that water gun, too. I just pushed the end of it down and said..Kiddo, it's not worth it...and he gave me the sunshiniest grin and went on about his business. I didn't know my husband was watching, but he was. I guess he watched everything I did in those days.

I volunteered in his third grade class, taught him his multiplication tables, taught him how to divide, taught him how to overcome his dyslexia..and honestly, because of the short amount of time I've had, it really hardly seems like he should be in college. But he is...and he's in love.

So, the next maternal duty is to have that mother-son talk, right? So, we're sitting around in the garage last night and he dragged his wallet out for something and since it was just me, him and his dad...I saw GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY.

I said..Hey..cool wallet..I surely don't see one of those "circle things" in there...(cuz they usually leave in impression on the wallet, right?" He looked at me and said .."I have never kept change in my wallet..." I laughed and said, "I wasn't talking about change, honey, I was talking about one of those RUBBER circle things."

My husband is just listening, he couldn't believe I just brought it up like that I guess, but he never stays flustered for long, he jumped right in with technical information when it was needed.

Well, apparently, my oldest son ALREADY HAD THIS TALK with him. See, now that's what I'm talking about with my oldest son..he jumps right in and does parental things like that. Only I'd just rather the rest of them not be getting their information from HIM..I'm the parent, eh. Anyway, I am informed that the oldest has a LATEX allergy ..to which I said bullshit, he's been wearing latex gloves all his life..if he's having a reaction, then it's to the spermicide. HIS recommendation to my college boy..was lambskin. Didn't know they made those. Isn't it just a TRIP when you learn something new about stuff like that from your kids. Just sayin'. Well apparently lambskin sucks. I told him he was going to have to experiment and find something they were both comfortable with (he and his gal, not he and his brother..LOL). I was glad that we have an open enough relationship that we can talk about things this openly without it being a big deal.

I think these two are smart enough to know that they don't need any babies yet, which is cool..very cool.

I think when I see my eldest, I'm going to give him shit and call him Lambskin from now on, though.

And to think I have gone from being a mommy of a little boy to 4 little boys to men in 10 years. 10 short years. Baptism by fire is what I call that...and that's no joke.

Afternoon Chit Chat

So, here it is, afternoon quiet time. I put these people on a SCHEDULE this summer. I am just not having another summer like last year. We are on GRANDMA time. That means up and at 'em by 8am, breakfast and dishes done by 9. Then it's some morning heavy chores til noon, then lunch and a REST. Then it's some light afternoon chores, fun stuff, and supper and then relax.

It's not a hard schedule and there's plenty of time for fun. So far, everyone is quite happy with it and a few things are getting accomplished around here every day. It got hot enough yesterday to put the air on. I hate that. When it's summertime, I want my house to be open to the wind and the sounds of the birds and whatnot. And, I really, really hate spending the extra money on the electric bill. But, it does get hot around here and when I'm hot, I'm lethargic. Of course, when I'm cold I'm lethargic, too.

Today I think I'm going to clean out the truck. It needs it and it'll make it cooler this afternoon. The kids always love washing the truck, too. It's fun for them.

So, you know how summertime rolls around and kids fight over the DUMBEST stuff? It could drive ya nuts in a week. Well, it's already starting, but some of the stuff they come up with REALLY blows my mind away.

Ok, this morning, my 16 yr old was doing some heavy yard work. They had cut down a tree yesterday and had to haul it off. I have some real gorgeous trees in my yard, but in this one corner, they are all kind of bunched together. The GIANT maple tree I have..well, that obviously stays, but there was a prickly pear, a baby oak, a fig, an apple and a fruit bearing pear all back in this one corner. Not all of them are going to make it, but it was an AGONIZING decision to decide which one to take. I love all those trees just like they were my babies, dammit. Well, the prickly pear went since it's not fruit bearing and was growing right under the maple. I think the baby oak is going to have to go, too. My neighbor has this giant walnut tree in their backyard. I am so jealous of that tree, you wouldn't even believe it.

Earlier this week the trick was the pecan tree growing into the power line. As if that weren't tricky enough, there is an active robin's nest in one of the branches. My darling hunk of a husband got it done, though. Who the hell thought to plant a pecan tree right under the power line was an idiot though. And the electricity is affecting it's growth, too. It is still growing and pretty healthily, but the one that is growing 10 feet away is doing much better. I hope to live to see them produce fruit some day. My magnolia is sucking, though. It is kind of yellowish and not pretty green like the rest of the magnolia trees I've seen. It puts OUT some flowers, though. One I wish I had watched because it opened so fast I probably would have gotten to see it. It was a closed up bloom in the morning and by the afternoon it was open and smelled so good. There is a ton of flowers on it. The roots are exposed though. I had the boys take some pine mulch and spread it over the roots and water it real good. If that doesn't work and do something for it, I'm going to have to get a book out or something.

Anyway, so this morning my 16 yr old was finishing dragging off the rest of the tree they took down yesterday and I am sitting here typing my morning blog and my daughter shows up at my elbow and she wants to know why she can't help her brother. Well, I don't know so that means I have to get up and find out. Yep, fighting over the branches. He had a plan and was organized but after a little discussion, he found some things she could do to help, some logs she could stack. Sometimes I think that's my main job..referee.

It seems as though any time I get involved in any chore that requires any kind of brain power, there is someone at my elbow with a question, a problem, something they just cannot handle without the expert opinion of mom. So, I quit trying to figure out chores...I just assign them and supervise, now. They hate it, too, but hey, that's what happens. Pretty soon, they'll get smart and start picking their own chores and taking care of them without any help from me, and I'll be able to pick my own chores and then we'll meet in the middle. Until then, that's how it's gonna be, though. My brainpower is worth a lot more than their brawn sometimes...LOL!

I brought a redbud tree back from Texas with me, and would you believe, I am having a hard time finding a place to put it in the yard? I thought it would look really nice in the front, but with the way the magnolia is doing, I really don't want to risk it. In the side, I have the same problem with the peach tree. Something killed it. Then there's the south 40 and that's designated for gardening, so it can't go there. Besides, that area doesn't get much shade at all. The English Ivy I have is going underneath the magnolia once I get it right. I'm probably going to have to bring in a little fill dirt for that job.

And, when I'm not doing that, I ALWAYS have a wood project to do. I am doing a deer family right now. Staining them dark and shiny. I think they are going to be GORGEOUS but woodworking is some slow assed work. All that sanding and smoothing and whatnot.

I have some really pretty plants that they got me for Mother's Day that is ground cover. I tell ya, I LOVE these guys with all my heart, but they need to quit picking my plants for me. I have no place to put this ground cover that people don't walk so it's pointless to have it. Last year they got me some climbing plants and that doesn't work either because I have no trellises and that stuff is HIGH MAINTENANCE. I don't do well with plants and I tend to kill them and it just really, really makes me feel terrible to kill something someone gave me. Already,the flowers the girlfriend gave me are starting to die. I didn't water them for one lousy day and they just wilted. Dayum.

Well, I turned the air on so hopefully between that and the afternoon shower we are getting, I won't kill any more. I guess that big thunder was a sign for me to get off of this thing lest I get electrocuted while babbling. That would kind of suck, wouldn't it?

Y'all have a great day!

Young Love

Yep, we got some kids in love around here. I've learned from my eldest one not to get too attached to those gals he occasionally brings home. With him, I'll get attached to the one he tells me he's marrying, but I seriously doubt my oldest is the marrying kind. I think he's going to be single for a LOOONG time.

Now the next one, his brother, college boy, he's got a different personality here. I can go on and get attached to this gal. Good heavens, if they aren't together, you just know they're on the phone.

Feeling the way I feel about this gal is a big, huge relief, honestly. I was starting to think that I was gonna be one of *those* mothers who thought that every gal the guy brought home was not gonna be good enough. I thought I wasn't going to like any of them and that there was something fundamentally wrong with me. But, meeting her and hanging out with her a little bit, I have learned once again that my instinct is not to be ignored.

This gal, as I mentioned, is the preacher's daughter. And, yeah, in some ways, she's a TYPICAL preacher's daughter...hehehe, but she's a good girl, nonetheless. Hell, she wasn't intimidated by me, so that's a bonus, right? Anyway, about 4 years ago, I guess, she was in a horrible car accident. And I do mean horrible.

Her hips were crushed and she was technically dead for a few minutes. She brought over her x-rays and that gal is a testament to modern medical technology. She's got more hardware holding her together than I've ever seen on anyone. I tease her and call her the "Bionic Woman". That makes her fit in well with Rick and his fake hips, too. She will understand that the rules apply to everyone. She is young and gets a little frustrated with her parents being overprotective. I just let her know that she can't do anything Rick can't do and he can do a LOT. But, always take into account that the more you use anything mechanical, the faster it's going to wear out, right? And, especially if you are pushing it to it's mechanical limits every day. So, she can live with that, which is cool and ought to make her parents feel more secure should I ever be in a position to meet them.

She's also a preschool and kindergarten teacher of special needs kids. She nannies in the summer. The gal is AWESOME I tell ya and I hope these googly eyes her and my son have for each other last for a long time. They are so darn cute together. They really are.

I told my son the other night that I just loved his gal and I really do. She's got twinkly eyes and she's full of piss and vinegar and has a lovely laugh. She just fits right in. Good lord, I thought she was gonna cry the other night when I told her I loved her. Why are people so damn afraid of those words? I could tell, it meant the world to her. I'm glad, because I just kind of blurted it out, you know?

Anyway, she is also camera shy and let me take her picture on Mother's Day, too. How cool is that. So, now I think I'm gonna go make my Mom in law's day and send her that pic and a little note about things. Woo Hoo!!! That's what I love doing..making people smile and be happy!!

So, peeps..smile and be happy!

A Little Love This Morning

I hate to leave y'all with a hatin' post, but sometimes, it's necessary. All my hatin' is done for the year and now we can get on to some lovin'. Everybody likes some lovin', right?

In all my hate and activity and whatnot I forgot to mention that there's a new kid on the block. My college boy found himself a love. His first serious girlfriend, right? And I ADORE her.

They hooked up the weekend of Talladega, right? She came over and helped him out with the kids and whatnot. My little ones gave her glowing reports.

She's a preacher's daughter, yes she is. She's a real special gal, too. But, yep, she's a preacher's daughter.

So, a few years ago, she was in a real bad car accident..bad enough to where she died for a bit, right. I would have to say that changed her a lot. That and the complete set of hardware it took to put her back together. She's got more hardware in her hips and back than my husband. She brought her x-rays over and boy, howdy, this gal is pretty tough.

So-o-o, she made my college boy take the day off from school and go see his brother graduate. The older ones just try to avoid their mother as much as possible. We were getting ready in the bedroom just chit-chatting away..making ALL the men worried. Why DO men get nervous when their mom and their girlfriend start talking? A new form of torture for the boys!

So, she goes to graduation with us and everybody is standing out in the courtyard afterwards and that husband of mine had the keys so I couldn't escape...the bahstahd....hahaha! So, the gal walks over because these folks aren't being too friendly to her AT ALL..typical, right? So she walks over to me and says in a real loud voice ..."My, this is awkward, isn't it?" I had to laugh.

Finally, I had been polite long enough and I was ready to go wait in the car. Well, the girlfriend decided that it was a lot more friendly where I was going and she had a million questions besides. She expressed great dismay at the fact that my son REFUSED to call his mother on mother's day. She just could not understand it. Well, she understands now. I mean, I didn't give her any details or anything..but I did tell her about how the gal acted last year and how she treated my oldest. I told her that ol' Mom didn't DESERVE a phone call on mother's day..you have to be more than an egg donor to receive that kind of treatment.

The girlfriend is also of the opinion that ...I am awesome. Whoa! Hell yeah!

Now, I made my exit in a real graceful, real quiet, non-dramatic way. Apparently one of the members of the EX family..got the message. Granny. Then, I guess she had to make her own DRAMATIC exit and have the rest of the family worrying about her and going to check on her and the whole nine yards. Good Gawd Almighty..what is with the love of drama and attention that some women have?

So, me and the girlfriend sat in the hot rod for awhile chatting and getting to know each other a little bit. You can just see the love in their eyes when they look at each other..they are so damn sweet.

Today, I can say I won the war. Not just the battle..but the WAR. After the ceremony and the resulting drama...the ex family went to the motel room, and everybody else came home. Being a work and school night, we didn't stay up late, but it was real nice. I guess the ex family is taking off this morning and going back to where they belong.

All's well that ends well and hopefully this is the last time I ever have to see those people.

Can You Feel The Hate?

Yep, it's a hatin' post. If you can't handle the hate, then don't read anymore. Really, I don't have a whole lot of hate in my heart, but for people who aren't right to kids, feel it, baby.

All of my self control comes into play today. The ex-cunt is in town and here to take credit for the graduation of my step-son today. I really want to kick her ass so bad, I can visualize it.

I don't mind her getting a little trippy during like..say their birthday..because she did go through the labor pains, after all. But the reason her children are educated today is because of all the hard work *I* did and I resent like hell her taking part in it. I think we went through a post like this last year, no?

Well, this year is different. Why? It's the last time I have to see her or deal with her. As well, she is only going to be in town overnight and he ain't spending time with her. I'm waiting for her to whine to me about something and I swear to God, people, my foot is going to be so far up her ass, it ain't even funny.

Never have I felt hate like this for someone. And she had a clean fucking slate with me. I involved her in EVERYTHING I did for those kids. Any time she was going to be in town, I made sure that we had an appt. with the docs and the counselors so she could ask questions, be informed..all of that. I can honestly say I went above and beyond for her..and it still made no fucking difference.

I want to kick her ass because I want her to feel just a little of what those boys had to feel when they were babies and she was beating them. Fucking bitch gonna come and take credit for their education, now.

The only thing stopping me is the fact that once they all turned 18, they were done with her. And, they know that I want to kick her ass really bad and they really don't want it to be like that. They are happy knowing that I'm this pissed..well, they are kind of nervous actually.

And, since I stared drinking Southern Comfort, I can't really predict WHAT my reaction is going to be once I get in the same vicinity as her. You know, sometimes bullies need to be given a dose of their own medicine. See, now if the boys defend themselves against her, they could be the ones in trouble. How fucked up is that? Honestly, I am the only one who could give her an ass beating and it be acceptable and she needs one.

Lets hope that it doesn't come to that. Really, I hate confrontation worse than anybody so if I'm forced into one, then it's worse all the way around because the person gets all my rage at being forced into that situation from the get-go.

God I hate this cunt worse than anybody. I will probably just flip her the finger as I drive off with her son, who is mine because I fucking claimed him. How is it that she can take credit for his graduation when all she could see in him was the devil? That's what she told me, he was a little devil. He was an angel, and he still is. You know she even got him a stuffed animal that was a devil..she went that far to put things in their mind. You have no idea how these boys were tortured by her. That my oldest one doesn't have complete contempt for the entire female race is a miracle of the first order, let me tell you.

But, I vowed last year that she would never fucking come to this house again because of the way she treated him...and so it holds true today. I dropped the graduate off so they could have some time together..a few hours anyway...and she ran out to the truck and I fucking left. Gave her the one finger salute and left. Hahahahaha..I am the bitch extraordinaire. And I don't really feel better.

For those of you that are praying people. Pray. For what I don't know. But pray. Cuz I sure wanna break her nose.

Tuesday Morning Ramblings

Now that it's summertime, I have to make sure that somewhere, sometime during the day, I note the day of the week.

I thought once I got out of the Navy, this would be easy. Shift work tends to make you lose track of time real fast. I also thought I would be done with shift work but if a mom's job isn't about some shift work, I don't know what is. Well, if you care to see all the members of your family, that is. Time keeps on slippin, slippin', slippin,...

Today is the graduation ceremony for my 18 yr old. (They all shifted by a year so they are now 8,10,16,18,20,22.) Anyhooo...that means that the ex and her entourage are going to be here sometime today..yipee. The boy is just a tad nervous because he isn't going back with them like they expected. It's funny how once all those boys turned 18 and had a CHOICE ..what they chose. I say it's interesting because for the most part, I have left their relationship alone. If they came to me with a concern or I saw something to be concerned about, I would certainly speak up. I have been very diligent, though to not trash their mother. I don't call her names or any of that and I make sure I have my facts straight. And the only thing that I've ever bitched about in regards to her is how she treats THEM. This was so at this point in time, they would feel free to make their decisions free of interference from me or their father.

This kid, I'm really, really, proud of for graduating. He was a tough nut to crack all the way around. Man, did that kid hate my guts when we first got married. He was a mama's boy through and through. He was too young to understand all the divorce stuff, so pretty much all he knew is that his mama wasn't there anymore. This was my stubborn child..good lord did we have some battles royale when he was a young thing. He was my picky eater..he thought I was trying to poison him, he thought all I was doing was taking his mom's place. My oldest one thought I was just going to spend all his dad's money.

Homework..oh my was that a battle. If it was good enough for the teacher, it should be good enough for me. Well, sorry...but I am convinced that a lot of these teachers are half literate themselves and nobody wants to make kids do the work anymore. Schoolwork is not supposed to be EASY...you are there to learn and learning isn't easy..it requires pushing the boundaries of your mind to the limits. Finally, that message got across to him.

Finally, he realizes that he can do it, and that he's going to have to continue his schoolwork if he's ever going to get where he wants to. He does see that he doesn't like to get his hands dirty, he's not a mechanic, so his only other choice is to get a job that pays enough for him to hire other people to do it for him. He also sees that he's not going to get that job without some more schooling. Halleluhjah.

But, he's still too close to the influence of his mother. You'd think a whole state away would be far enough, but it's not. He's pretty much indicated that he wants to go to Texas and go to college there. That sounds like a good plan to me. My mother in law desperately needs some full time help and he would learn a LOT about things there. My father in law is a financial wizard...he is the kind of client Shoe is always talking about. Smart, smart man. And there's not a damn thing wrong with his mind. His mind is fine, it's his body that's giving out on him and it sucks the big damn weenie. I totally get why he's just pissed off sometimes. He was talking once about "walking the steel"...he was a steel salesman and saying that in his mind, his body should still be able to do what it always did. Anyway, I think having someone around to make him do his physical therapy will definitely improve the quality of his life and we checked into colleges in Texas and there is a couple that have the EXACT program he wants. How many more signs do we need? The boy isn't exactly ready to cut the apron strings entirely and you know, I can understand that and there's not a damn thing wrong with it, in my opinion.

Look how many memories Sandy has of her granny. My thoughts are that it's more normal than we think it is. They need to be able to give back. The fact that he's 18 years old and feels that way is totally awesome, to me. He knows whose had his back all these years and it ain't been his momma, sorry. That's just a fact.

I dunno, it just kind of bugs me to see what has happened to families in general. Where are the extended families? Why are children getting snatched because moms don't have anybody reliable to watch them? Were there days that families lived relatively harmoniously together and all continued to look out for each other and be close even after all the kids grew up? Is this some kind of pipe dream I'm after? Are people just too selfish? What is up with this? When did seeing your family become such a damn chore?

I ask these things because I guess I want to know. I never had a close family so our apartness makes sense...are there families like I just described or am I hoping for too much? I can't think that I am because we have them in Texas all the time.

So, anyway I'm way proud of my son for a lot more than just graduating high school. He's made so much progress and we are so close now, you'd never believe he said he hated me. I'm wishing him so much happiness in his life..it's bound to come back to him. And to think, all she thought when she saw him was that he was the little devil. How is it that I could see the angel and she can only see the devil?

I'm telling you, this kid is ACES, though. He's kind and gentle, but that stubbornness has mutated into just a to thine ownself be true kind of trait and he's pretty damn comfortable with himself. He's starting to get some confidence and he's a lot of fun, to boot. He's not the hardest worker I have, but he's so big and can get so much more done, faster than anyone else, that it sometimes just SEEMS that way. He's the one that's like 2 feet taller than me..LOL!!

So, we're going to have a busy day and y'all take care.

My Daddy Was a Wise Man

Once, when I was about 23 or so, I had been dumped by the umpteenth boyfriend and I was really wondering what in the hell was wrong with me. Now, my daddy was NEVER comfortable with me being a "woman of the 90's", as it were, but he handled it ok.

I sobbed to him hysterically "Dad, what is WRONG with me." He said to me, "Honey, if you find yourself surrounded by assholes, look in the mirror." WHAT? Oh, that hurt, bad. And, at the time, I just took it as one more way that men were just damn aliens from another planet and to hell with all of 'em. I think I might have started crying even harder, and said something dramatic, like, "You just don't understand." That makes me laugh today, because now I realise he DID understand. A lot more than I ever gave him credit for.

But, those words resonated somehow with me and over the weeks, I found myself pondering what they meant. I wasn't an asshole....or was I? Well, I started probing around and I realized there were some areas in which I could be nicer. I found there were some areas in my life in which I could refocus my priorities. I found that when I was actually accomplishing something, then I didn't need the approval of everyone else to answer questions I had. I learned that I had the answers within myself. I learn that people will not treat you better than you treat yourself.

My initial reaction was "What does THAT mean?" I thought perhaps he was saying I was the asshole. Then I came to realize that I attracted assholes, not by being one, but by allowing myself to be treated that way. But, now I can see in my reactions to things, I WAS one too. There is a certain time where you just have to stand up and say "ENOUGH". I mean, the situation in question that caused all that was I had found my boyfriend in a bar with another girl...openly. And I was completely confused. I had known this guy for a long time, he had chased me for months and months. We were friends but nothing more. He promised me the moon and the stars. I scoffed at him and said.."What would I do with the moon and the stars?" And my instinct was right, in the long run. But, it was a lonely time and place and after a year or so, I agreed to go out with him. He thought that I believed in open relationships because during one conversation we had as friends, I didn't flinch or make any comment or anything. Well, yeah, that was ok because we were friends, didn't bother me. I just figured he'd be unhappy and honestly forgot that little tidbit of information. See, and I made that fatal mistake all women do, I believed the good things about him, but totally ignored that fact assuming that I would be the one woman that would make it different. How crazy is that? That relationship, because of it's honesty, actually ended on good terms. I said, "Oh, I forgot...I don't believe in open relationships", and we parted friends. I saw him a few times after that when his dad (stepdad) got lung cancer. He told me a beautiful story about how his parents met...you know, friends. I remember he got married to a gal from the base we were on. I also heard it ended in divorce because apparently, she, too, had a problem with open relationships. I felt bad but not surprised.

I was glad that I listened to my daddy. That saved me a whole world of hurt. If I hadn't, then I would have just accepted what that guy had to offer because before that I didn't think I deserved any better. You have got to say to yourself, "I would rather be alone than be with someone who treats me like that" before you can ever hope to find someone who loves you and treats you right. That's the God's honest truth. And you have to be prepared to be alone. You gotta draw your line in the sand to be able to easier to spot the assholes.

The first line is honesty. If someone is going to lie to you about something stupid, they are going to lie to you about something big. If you have to sort out what is real and unreal from a situation it just makes it damn near impossible to take a lesson from it. So, one thing I learned to appreciate about people and the one quality that is still first and foremost in my pick of people for my group is honesty. If you know what you are dealing with, then you can deal with it effectively.

After that, it's all negotiable. I mean, with my personal example, the honesty made it so much easier. Yeah, it hurt, but hey, I just couldn't live with that and it's much better to know that sooner because time wasted is time wasted. And, don't let your need for people drive who you have in your life. Sometimes nobody is better than the wrong somebody. It's a fact, Jack.

Wouldn't You Like To Be A...

You Are Dr. Pepper

You're very unique and funky, yet you still have a bit of traditionalism to you. People who like you think they have great taste... and they usually do. Your best soda match: Root Beer Stay away from: 7 Up

What Kind of Soda Are You?

First Day of Summer

Yipee!!! Well, yippee for the kids anyway. Us poor adult units still have to work and all of that fun stuff we have to do when it's cold, or wet, or snowy. Wouldn't ya just like to have one damn snow day? Ha. Ever wonder what in the hell you were in such a rush to grow up for?

I know why I was in a rush to grow up, and honestly, I wouldn't want to be a kid again. Not for a day or a minute or a year. What I have as an adult...FREEDOM...I wouldn't trade for all the safety or security in the world. Freedom to see the truth and speak the truth and LIVE the truth. You can't put a price tag on that.

But, I've been able to provide a different childhood for my kids and for that I am forever grateful.

This week we have some activities planned to kick off the first week of summer. My daugher and I have ingredients to stock the goody canisters and this weekend we are celebrating graduation with the 18 year old. Probably pretty quick we'll head on out to Texas and check out some colleges and whatnot there. Soon as they graduate, put them in a direction..trust me on this one...

I am car shopping and we are job hunting. And, now that it's warm, I'm sure I will have a steady stream of kids through the house. I love summertime as an adult. I love just listening to them converse and negotiate and form relationships. It's real neat.

The 16 yr. old served his punishment. He is now free at last. And honest. He did manage to learn the honesty lesson and for that I am grateful. And he was a good sport about it all. He and his friend that got in trouble together made up but they are going to hear from me (and my husband) before they are allowed to go off together again. Probably going to hear from the other kids' dad, too. That's ok, though. I'm sure they'll take it. That's what I like about boys..they handle the truth a lot better than girls. I wonder why that is? I mean, obviously, there are examples in each sex that defy the statement I just said, present company included...but as a whole...

There's been construction going on in the fort out back. They never seem to get too old for that stuff and that makes me laugh. With so many people living together in close quarters, though, everyone needs to have a place to get away from it all. So, they've made little hidey holes in the trees in the yard for just that purpose.

A lot more grilling out happens in the summer and of course there's always the weekend racing. And music. My husband pulled out I, Robot from the Alan Parsons Project last night and we were jamming to it. The younger kids were enthralled, too. I love summer.

Well, The Day Finally Came.

A day of reckoning, if you will. In the heart of every single parent, is the knowledge that someday she's going to have to explain who their father was and what that was all about. Now, I haven't been a 'single' parent for a long time, but the day of reckoning still had to occur.

It was around 7 am this morning during a discussion with my son that he says.."So, Mom, what ABOUT my biological dad." I said, "Well, son, he wasn't a bad guy, but he was kind of a pussy if you must know the truth." He looked at me quizzically and I said..."Come on, think about it ..he let ME chase him off, and history aside, he's always had an email address and an opportunity to do the right thing, just like everyone else in our lives and you can see for yourself what he made of THAT opportunity." He grinned. I added, "Don't take it personal..." and he said.."Oh, I don't...Good call, mom! Thanks for holding out for someone good like Dad!"

Wow...will they never cease to amaze me?

Peeing Stories?

Yeah, you know I got one of them, too, right. Boudicca called it..she said every parent of boys has a peeing story.

Here we were in Indiana for a wedding. It was my husband's best friend and our daughter was a baby at the time. It was hotter than hell, too. It was so hot that you never got dry after you took a shower. Oh it was miserable hot. I cannot remember EVER being that hot.

And we were that hot all dressed up. The men were clowing around of course and finally, we get the wedding underway. I didn't get to see much of the wedding as I was busy chasing 5 kids around and my daughter wasn't too keen on people. Well, OTHER people. She liked HER people, but she did not like strangers. So, being that my husband was the best man, my job was a tad difficult. I swear I lost 10 pounds that day.

So, the kids are all outside during the ceremony running around the yard and whatnot like boys do. Getting grass stains on their new suits, all of that.

The set up was gorgeous. The living room had vaulted ceilings and a low sectional couch and these GIANT bay windows that overlooked the lake. It was a beautiful view. On each side of the bay windows were these gorgeous bushes with pink flowers on them. There was an archway set up right in front of this window so that the background of the pictures being taken could have the bushes and the lake view in them. Just gorgeous.

Halfway through picture taking and filming the MOTHER of the groom says "OMG, there is a kid peeing on the bush." I cringed inside because having the most children, the odds were stacked in my favor that it was one of mine. Yep.

He didn't know where the bathroom was and sneaked around to what he thought was the BACK of the house and stood right there in front of the window and peed for God and everybody to see. The WHOLE wedding party just stood there watching, horrified. My husband's best friend, the groom was laughing his ass off, though, so I knew ultimately it would be ok. His bride was not too pleased, though, understandably.

So, as part of their wedding memories, there are pictures and a video tape that preserved that very special moment for them. Oh, and the look on his face when he looked up in the window and saw ALL THOSE people looking back at him...priceless.

And We Now Return To Your Regular Programming

Now, we can skip back forward to the present because that's where I like to live, for obvious reasons.

There's a couple of reasons I posted those stories, though. There is a point, sometimes it just takes me awhile to get there.

During this timeframe is the time where my dad told me that if I found myself surrounded by assholes, to look in the mirror.

I realize that somewhere along the way, because of that one sentence, hurt though it did, and it DID hurt, I learned to quit thinking like a victim and get proactive in my life. I spent a long time analyzing my REACTIONS to things and realized at the very least, that could be something to change in myself that might at least stop situations from escalating. I also grabbed every opportunity to learn. What happened to me can never, ever excuse the many people who were collateral damage to my anger and who were the recipients of all of that. Maybe I was just collateral damage, too.

I took a course to do Auxiliary Security duty and that involved getting proficient with a gun. That right there, along with the lessons given for taking someone down in an arrest did LOADS for my ability to quit thinking like a victim. I found that the more I did, the more I was able to do and that people learned to like me for my own merit. Going from being a scared little girl, to the member of the team to take "first blood" in a hostage rescue scenario...whoa buddy, that was an AWESOME feeling. To have the instructor, who had just come from Bahrain say to EVERYONE he met that I was a rookie he'd be GLAD to have along on a takedown anytime..now that was some shit. Especially when he confessed to me that he didn't think I was going to pass the course. He thought I'd freeze up with the guns. Hell no!

I looked in the mirror and realized that people saw of me WHAT I WAS SHOWING them..I was showing them that I was a hateful person, liable to lash out at any time that I was an easy mark, if you will. I learned to be honest with myself and my reactions to things ...that's the only way to see the truth or lies in others.

I learned that the truth hurts but the knowledge, experience and growth as a person you receive from ACTING on the truth are rewards that are boundless.

I learned that you get what you put in it and people get what they deserve. (That is my favorite Kid Rock line because it's the truth.)

I learned how to break the cycle not only for myself but for my children.

And I am ever so relieved to not be in that place anymore. I can see now how much I have changed and grown and though I will always be sad for the people I hurt along the way, I will also be so grateful to those that stood there and took it and told me the truths I needed to hear anyway. Those people that saw my potential and understood my rage. Those people hurt you the most, but they are the most invaluable.

I learned that your actions HAVE to match your words. I also learned that actions speak louder than words. For the life of me I could not understand why people couldn't SEE that I was full of love and just wanted someone to love in turn. I learned not to NEED so much..I learned that I could fulfill all of my needs alone, except companionship. I learned to gain credibility by being honest.

The lessons I learned from that time in my life will be with me forever. So, I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything in the world. Not one. I cannot edit my story, because I LIKE who I am today and to take away any of those things that happened and those things I caused myself, then would also to take away the things I learned and without that knowledge, I would be lost indeed. I would not be HERE today. And, today, I can look around and still say the same. You get what you put in it and people get what they deserve. I am different but the same today. I am older, wiser, kinder, and a hell of a lot more mellow.

I don't even hardly yell anymore. I was just thinking about that. Bout the only time I yell, is when we're watching a race or something.

At some point in time, it hit me...all my dreams came true without me even noticing. And it occurred to me...You really can make your own dreams OR fears come true..it's all a matter of choice. Which do you choose?

Ferry Boat Rides

It was around 1971 or 1972 I want to believe, which would have put me at somewhere around 3 or 4. I want to say I was closer to 4. Anyway, we were stationed at Guatanamo Bay, Cuba.

As a child, I thought it was a rather desolate place, lots of sand for a place on the water. I can remember watching my dad race motorcycles and I was a happy child, for the most part.

I was happiest near the water. I loved the smell of the ocean and everything about it. I learned about sea urchins real quick there.

The thing I loved the very best were the ferry boat rides though. We were in the habit of bringing my dad lunch at the shop every so often. I can't remember if the commissary was on that side or not, but to get there, you had to take the ferry boat. So, we did fairly often. The ferry boat captain made me his first mate, called me "Smiley" and let me drive. The view was incredible.

One time, I was standing by the car on the deck looking over the edge at the water and looking at the jellyfish and different aquatic sea life that was present. I was fascinated. There was also a little fishing boat not too far away just drifting in the water. There were some really playful dolphins jumping in the distance and it was a bright, beautiful, sunny day.

The ferry boat captain decided to sidle the ferry on over to the fishing boat to see if there was someone that needed assistance. That was comforting to me because it seemed wrong for a boat to just be there. I can remember thinking as a child that it didn't seem right.

So, as soon as we got close enough to investigate, these 4 men jump out of the boat with guns and now I'm looking eyeball to eyeball with them and staring down the barrels of their guns.

My mother hurled me around the back of the car and made me huddle behind the wheel of the car...(kudos for the quick thinking, mom) and the ferry boat captain put that ferry boat into high gear and we left a plume a mile long trucking it over to the main land. I want to say that the 'fishermen' got picked up later, but either way, that was the end of the ferry boat rides for me.

A Quandary

I find myself in a bit of a quandary today. I have been waxing nostalgic lately like we all do when we get older. The time of the military, as I may have mentioned was a time of learning and pain, as well as a good time. Funny how life in your early years was like that.

We'll just put it this way. Though I was an able and very hard worker, I had a bit of an ummm...attitude and my social skills were SEVERELY lacking. As well, due to my upbringing, I did not have the necessary skills it took to run a household, more specifically, to clean house.

My parents were so overly protective that when my son was born, they stole my car because they were afraid that I would drive too soon. You aren't supposed to drive for 6 weeks after you have a c-section. So here I am, I've been ON MY OWN since I was 19 but because I was stationed in Va. Bch where my parents retired, they were there, ever present. So, there I was in my apartment all alone with a newborn baby and NO TRANSPORTATION should an emergency arise. I wasn't going to drive the damn car except maybe across the parking lot to the grocery store to get some groceries, of which I had none. I had to pack my 2-day old baby up and WALK to the grocery store and back..but that's not the point of this story.

So, when the baby was 4 months old, I had already reenlisted for 4 more years and had orders in hand to Newfoundland. My parent command had cut me real short to get there because they wanted to ensure that I got the MAX reenlistment bonus because they knew I needed a ton of stuff for my house...like a washer and dryer and whatnot.

So, orders in hand, loaded up and ready to go, my mother FORBIDS me to go to Newfoundland. She was going to call my command and cause all kinds of trouble. I was so scared that they actually WOULD and COULD do something like that, you have no idea. Thankfully, my dad was sane and talked some sense into my mother.

So, I show up in Newfoundland, a total bootcamp in a way, because of those kinds of constant dealings with my parents. So, from that, I go to a place that has virtually no support at all. They didn't call it arduous duty for nothing.

I got all the necessary stuff done...found a wonderful babysitter. What I would have done without her those years, I do not know. I'd like to find her someday.

Anyway, I got put in a section, finally and had the most wonderful LPO. I met his wife, too and I just loved her to pieces.

Living in a small community like that where there isn't much to do, it's colder than a witches tit ALL THE TIME, and dark and gray constantly..it AFFECTS people. I would have to say that over time, it changes the personality. People do things in isolated places like that that they would NEVER do stateside. It's an anomoly of arduous duty. Seeing China Beach oddly enough reminded me of Newfoundland, don't ask me why.

Anyway, as I said, I had real troubles with housecleaning. It got me into trouble, too although I had some real good friends that came along and helped me out and TAUGHT me. See, I just wasn't ever taught and that's the truth of the matter. But, there were those who JUDGED me. This LPO and his wife being one. They kept telling me I needed to get my shit together. And I did.

My tour there was frought with difficulties. And, I'm not making excuses, but some of it was sexual harrassment and I'll get to that in a minute. I was told by one person that I would have less trouble if I would "Lower my standards." I was a goody two shoes on a lot of issues. And I didn't date married men. Period. And I didn't date Officers. In my way of thinking, there was enough single males of the enlisted variety, that I didn't need to add any stress to myself by doing something that was clearly forbidden. I had enough trouble.

But, nonetheless, all of this bled over into my job performance, sort of. I found out later that the qualification process was illegal. Anybody else ever stand a 12 hour oral board? Point taken.

So, this gal and I had developed or were developing a sort of friendship during this time.

So, her husband, my LPO, transferred me from the section to a dayworking position. Basically, they felt I was a problem child and gave me to someone else. I was glad to go, too. I felt like maybe I would get a break in training, and I could affect a change with our qualification process.

It's important to note that right after this, we failed our ORI. Anybody whose been there, knows what that means. There were all kinds of problems and things being done the wrong way at this command. Within a week the entire upper chain of command was relieved and the ORI team relieved them on the spot. We had the ORI team there for several weeks before the relief showed up things were so bad.

Anyway, it was Superbowl Sunday after I had been transferred to training. My phone rang and it was my old LPO. He said that all the guys had left and could he come and hang at my house for a bit. I had an open door policy with those that were my friends..that's probably why I was such a target, but I wouldn't have done much differently.

By this time, I had enough cleaning knowledge to have made a difference there and was really able to keep up.

So I said he could come over. I had a big ol crush on him, but in a schoolgirl kind of way...he had been good to me as an LPO, right? He was awesome to work for, I thought. He was always trying to make me be better. Anyway, he came over and we were talking and the next thing I know I am sitting on the edge of the couch..he had kept moving closer and closer..and then he finally kissed me. I threw him out of my house..and he threatened me and said that he would ruin me if I ever told his wife. I was CRUSHED and I believed him, but it was easy to avoid him since I worked somewhere else.

It turned out that I was really good at training, so the move worked out in the long run and the new people I worked for let me have a clean slate and were ever so good to me and we got a new CO and the tone of the whole command changed. Things were really finally going so good for me when ..wham..it was time to transfer again.

I was taking college classes by this time, and doing well, on the Auxiliary Security Force, thinking about crossrating to MA (Master at Arms) and was part of building the new ORI that we smoked. But, I decided that I should go while I was on top, and that was probably a smart decision. Another tour and I could have put down closing a command on my resume, but I wanted to remember it as it was when I left. And for the most part, I do. The first year was very rough.

I didn't tell his wife, although being friends with her was awkward after that..but I tried anyway, because I loved her and I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. You all are going to say that I should have reported him, I know. But there was less than 1000 people in my rate and that shit would have haunted me forever. It was bad enough as it was.

So, I transferred to Virginia and kept in touch with this gal for awhile. Until the day that she was crying so hard thinking that her husband cheated on her with me. That I did it. I didn't and I told her what happened. She said she believed me but for obvious reasons, our friendship just had to rest for awhile, right. Then HE called me and reiterated his threat and it being such a small rate, it was a threat I knew he could make good on. But it was too late. I had already told the truth. I was NOT going to have her believe that I slept with her husband because I didn't.

Anyway, I just blew it off since they were across the country by this time and just went about my life. I was back in my hometown and my parents were still there and I was really having to fight a lot of things on that homefront. My brother was in and out of trouble, my parents decided to just sell all their stuff and move, so they wound up living with me for a few months and while that happened, my house got thrashed again. After they moved out, I was so depressed at the condition of my house, it was hard for me to get it into gear and get it cleaned again. Finally, I did, and just as soon as I did, they came back for another month or so and it was right back where I started. My best girlfriend during this time said I cracked her up one time because I called and went OFF about where the hell did all my damn teaspoons go?

Anyway, right after my parents left, I again had the same depression about cleaning that mess up all over again. Organization and cleaning, to this day, remain a bit of a struggle for me, although, never like it was. So, I got involved with this guy whom I really liked and admired. It would turn out that he was my ex-LPO's best friend. So,you can see where this is going, right? He's not the man I married, obviously. All it took was a phone call and then this guy just stopped by my house one day..and saw proof of what his friend was telling him, right? It was horrible, like living it all over again, and it was something that wasn't exactly true. There was an ELEMENT of truth to it...

So, the guy got even. All this time, I've been really the angriest because he deprived me of the friendship of his wife.

Now, I have located her. She is married to someone else now and sounds really happy. I read her blog and it made me laugh so hard because she, too, has a Camaro she calls her baby. I'd love to write her an email or drop her a line but I really just do not want to bring any kind of pain to her life. You see, I don't know what her husband told HER about ME. She believed him for a long time apparently. So, you see the quandary and as I write this, I feel the pain all over again and the anger at what this man did. And, that's a lot why I don't talk about my military experience. This one man discolored it so much and made me feel so helpless and worthless that I'm not sure what is the truth anymore. And of all the locator messages out there, nobody's looking for me.

So, Kathi, if you ever run across this...I'm so happy for you that you are happy and if you ever want to drop me a line, feel free to do so.

Stuff that Sucks

Being a celebrity. That would just have to be the worst existance of all man-kind. There isn't enough money on this earth that would convince me that it was worth trading my privacy, and by doing so, trade my right to grow and learn as every human being does.

I mean, movies and stuff are cool but I guess I'm just not a big enough tv person anyway. And if Hollywood isn't just a big cesspool of paranoid back-stabbing and one-upmanship in one form or another. An example of endless excesses and money spent ever so wisely, right?

Please. These are the people that are using their voices to cry for the salvation of the world, right? But these are the same people who can't be married to the same person for more than a few years running because they wouldn't know a true person anymore if they walked up and slapped them in the face. I don't care how normal you think you're going to remain after going to Hollywood, you aren't. Those that truly want to save the world, distance themselves from Hollywood and go about saving the world is my personal observation.

I mean, here you are and the name of the game in that town is some backstabbing, sleeping with your husband stuff, right. We all follow it and yet we still idolize those stars. And those same stars, who think they still have touch with their roots will sometimes, do the very thing to their fans that they accuse their fans of doing to them. Making assumptions about an individual based upon what you see from the masses. It is the reverse of making assumptions about celebrities based upon the characters they play.

I mean, please with your millions of dollars, do not assume that because I don't have your financial resources to make the difference that you do, that I am just a myopic drugged up housewife, that doesn't care about issues. That is ludicrous, right? I mean, it's like they forget the rest of us can only devote so much time to 'causes'. Most of us with mere mortal checkbooks and time realize that we cannot alone change the whole world, and so exploit our talents and resources to change it any way we can.

I am not a big political activist. There are people out there for that and that's the type of thing they enjoy, right? My approach is more on the local scale. One child, one school, whatever at a time. And these celebrities think that we aren't making a difference. Hmm. I would say that every blogger out there with a voice is making a global difference, aren't they?

Is the only way to make a difference to be so radical and burn your bra and get all dramatic? I don't think so.

I'm just sayin'

The Day After

So-o-o, here's some of the gang. Not all of the gang showed up, but there's a good representation here. There is one that didn't make the picture.

You have no idea how honored I feel. My kids, first of all, have never been required to acknowledge mother's day. I never wanted to put them in a position to where they felt they had to choose between their mother and I. A Happy Mother's Day would suffice.

They, however, have gone above and beyond. They cooked for me yesterday and did everything so that I didn't have to lift a finger. We visited and laughed and talked and generally had a grand old time! I have to say that this one makes the list for memorable holidays.

As you can see, I have a few extras..LOL! And, see the girl? She's the newest addition to the group. My 19 yr old met her at church and boy howdy are they ever in love. They are so sweet together. They drove all over this city on Sat. looking for THE toaster oven for me. They found it..YAY!!!

All the ones that weren't mine..they were here for a reason, too. The girl..she got into a fight with her father because he didn't like the shirt she was wearing or her earrings (which were beautiful little diamond studs, btw), and the other boys that were there aren't on such good terms with their own mothers right now, although, they all did do something for their own mothers first. You know, I'm not sure what my kids did for their biological mother..if anything. My little daughter picked me some roses from our rose garden. That little girl has a flair for decorating, for sure. We watched Days of Thunder, played a little cutthroat (I lost my ass..LOL!) and generally milled around listening to music and laughing and having a good time.

Anyway, it was an AWESOME day and we woke up hung over and my husband was rather miserable this morning, wishing he had gone to bed a couple of hours earlier. I'm going to have to ensure that he has a nap when he gets home. Bless him for his love and the fine example he sets in the way he treats his own mother.

I didn't get to talk to my mother in law yesterday, but my husband did and they had a real nice visit. I wish we could have spent some time with her because she sure deserves what I got. My mother in law is my inspiration. In my mind, she is THE mother.

This was one of the best days of my life. One of those golden days where you just know that someday...it's going to fall in the realm of the "Good Ol Days". Today, I recover!

Happy Mother's Day

Hope all you mother's out there get spoiled rotton!!!

Organized Religion

I know, I've talked about this before, but I've had some experiences recently that just prove my point over and over again. Organized religion is just not for me. And, I cannot understand why people allow themselves to be brainwashed into hating in the name of God.

All churches preach hate of a certain group, not just Islam. All churches are supposed to be about loving everybody and all churches hate somebody. They either hate another religion or they hate a certain group of people. I haven't raised my children to be prejudiced against anybody. Not a soul. Not Blacks, or Mexicans, or Gay people, or people with mental illness, or any of that.

All the non-Jewish religions are taught that the Jews are bad because they killed Jesus. Many religions teach their congregations to hate gay people. I have been in protestant congregations where the minister said that the Catholics were full of shit.

My college boy has recently started going to church, about 4 months now, I guess and he's hooked up with a real sweet girl and I was really starting to rethink my position. He's been nagging me to let my daughter go with him and I hate to deny her a good church, ya know. I'm still that brainwashed.

He sat down yesterday and announced to me that "all gay people were going to hell"because it said right in the bible that marriage was between man and woman not man and man or woman and woman. and woman came out of man, besides." "It wasn't Adam and Jason", he informs me, "it was Adam and Eve."

I had to just stand there with my mouth open because there was so much hate in those two sentences and I KNOW he didn't learn that shit at home. There was implications that men were better than women there and the open gay hating. I finally looked at him and said..."You know what, you cannot tell me that for all the good your Uncle has done, he is going to hell. I don't buy it. God loves everybody." He replied, "Well, he's not married, though." And, I said, "Oh yes he is. He and his partner have been together for OVER 50 YEARS!" He got a bit confused after that and I walked off before I ripped his little head off.

THIS is the problem I have with organized religion. When I can find a church that isn't full of hate, then I'll go. I haven't found one yet. My daughter or any of my children under age aren't stepping foot in that church and if that makes me a bad mom, then so be it.

Dana's Got A New Blog

Frankensoul. Check it out. What an adorable name!!

31 March 1990

This is a rewrite with some editing help..let me know what y'all think, please.



16 years ago, I was 22 years old and single. I was also very pregnant. So pregnant that when I woke up in the morning to go to work..I had a day watch that day, I was in the early stages of labor. At the time I was a frocked 3rd Class in the Navy. I was also an Ocean Systems Technician Analyst, or OTA for short.

The rate was considered a ‘female’ rate because it was not a sea-going rate. Eight plus years and I never stepped foot on a ship. Sometimes I’m ashamed to say I was in the Navy. Only sometimes, though. Most of the time, I’m proud. I know what I did contributed to a bigger whole, part of the biggest winning team in the world and I have met people who have benefited from my work. Being in the Navy wasn’t easy for women at the time. Some of our predecessors, who didn’t realize the level of commitment required, had poisoned the system. Women and men together bring some serious complications. It was always difficult assigning a female to a ship because inevitably, one would wind up pregnant and have to be replaced. This is not good for morale when there is one member of the team that is unreliable. But, the call of motherhood is a strong one. At 22, I had only contempt for those who chose motherhood over service to their country. My best friend and me shared a lot of conversations on the subject. We decided that the benefits and the pay far outweighed the uncertainties of raising a child alone in the civilian environment. We knew what we were sacrificing, but we did it anyway. Funnily enough, we both have 6 children apiece now and have long since changed our opinions on that subject but that didn’t come until later.

Even in a ‘female’ rate, there was a certain disregard for females. I would have to say that my female counterparts and I worked twice as hard and twice as long to earn half the respect of our male counterparts. It was one of those things that action could only change, though. So, there was a big groan in the section when I announced my pregnancy. It was like I was announcing that I had some dread disease or something. People would comment that I had such promise. I really couldn’t understand what they were talking about then, but I do now. The call of motherhood is strong. It cannot be ignored. But, I was determined to keep the respect that I had earned and I was fortunate that my pregnancy was problem-free. I found, after a certain time, that the men became very solicitous and helpful. I got yelled at for carrying a box of paper across the watch floor. It’s hard to describe the inconsistencies and why it was hard to integrate women and one guy I knew explained it to me. He had been in an Airdale rate before crossrating to ours. He had also been through a POW course, where they train guys what to expect as a POW. It’s hard core. Part of the training is to train the men to go against their instinct and let a woman be tortured. He said that our enemies have figured out that American men HATE to see women tortured and are more likely to spill their secrets if a woman IS being tortured. So they have training to take care of that. That is an extreme example of the complications caused by putting women in a combat situation, but it is one, nonetheless.

I was alone by choice. I was barely two years divorced from a man who was abusive and I knew I wasn’t ready to enter into a long-term relationship. I feel very badly for the hurt I caused his father, but he wanted me to be something I wasn’t and it was much nicer to end it before it really started than to start it because of a baby. It was funny, but I had just decided that having children probably wasn’t for me. I had lived with a couple of gals, one of which was a single parent, so I was painfully aware of the obstacles facing me. THEN I found out I was pregnant. Doesn’t it always work like that?

The pregnancy was one of the best. I was healthy. Working 12 hour shifts and on my feet the entire time I don’t think hurt at all. I was at my most physically active in those days. I ate a LOT but I ate food that was good for you. I could not get enough of watermelon or any kind of fresh fruit. Men followed me everywhere and told me I was beautiful, even when I was ungainly. They moved me over to a more sedate job in my later months, but one that required climbing on a ladder. I didn’t have a problem with this, but somebody decided one day, that I shouldn’t be up there anymore. All those women before me with their illnesses and fainting spells and false labor; they really didn’t know what to do with me. And, I was an outspoken thing in those days. A bitchin’ sailor is a happy sailor, or so they say.

I loved my work. I could not get enough. It was challenging and unpredictable and stressful and rewarding. We were the first line of defense. Our job was to localize and track enemy submarines. It was a job that required the use of every brain cell that you had to figure things out right and I had a gift from early on. It was like I could smell them, although that isn’t possible. It was the first time in my life I ever felt like I was good at something. I was doing something that MATTERED. But, being a mother mattered, too. It mattered a lot more and one thing I learned is that single-parenthood and the military do not mix. Both require unwavering and 100 percent commitment. When there is only 100 percent to go around, the choice is obvious. The military could replace me, my children could not.

I debated calling in but I figured, really, that all I would be doing all day was...waiting so I figured to go on in to work and do some work to keep my mind occupied until it was time for me to go to the hospital.

I was too dumb to be scared, I guess. I mean, I was scared, but women had been giving birth since the dawn of time, so it couldn't be THAT bad. And, for the most part it wasn't really. I got some work done and when it got bad enough that I was having difficulty concentrating, I decided that was the prime time to ask to go home.

Now, it is no secret that in the Navy, every Chief's worst fear is that one of his female crew will go into labor on his watch. My chief was a well-seasoned daddy, though. He had 3 kids of his own, so I didn't figure he was one of "those", right? I figured he'd be calm and cool. Boy, did I ever figure wrong. If only I had had a camera when I asked him how far apart my labor pains had to be before they'd let me go home. That dude flat out panicked. He wanted to call an ambulance and rush me to the hospital..in retrospect, I should have done it that way, that way I wouldn't have had to deal with my mother in the delivery room, and the aftermath, but that's a whole other story.

I found out later, that they had a bet going that I wasn't really in labor, that I just wanted a day off from work. Ha!ha! I really think I should have got a cut of that. They had that reaction because I told them I didn't need an ambulance, that I was still perfectly capable of driving myself the 3 miles off-base to my apartment and that I'd really like to have a nap before I had to do all this laboring and god only knew when I was going to get to sleep next. They thought I was entirely too calm to be in labor. And, sadly enough, their prior experience with pregnant females and false labor didn't help gain me any sympathy. Again, I had to pay for my predecessors. I was a little hurt by this because I really thought that I had earned the respect of my fellow male co-workers. I did after that, but it took coming in 3 days later with that baby.

He was the most beautiful baby, you've ever seen. I had to have an emergency c-section at the end, so he had a perfectly round head. That's actually the story of all my babies...labor to the end...have an emergency c-section...

So, the kid wants a nice big hamburger for his birthday supper and of course cake and all the hoopla! So, tonight, we party!

Whew, A LOT More Negativity Than Usual

You know, I try to keep my stuff upbeat and light but I, too, am human. I deleted the previous post because it served it's purpose. I let out all the negativity and was able to focus on the solution. Man, that's a relief.

I decided to write the boy a letter. That way I can say what I need to say without crushing his spirit. I don't want to do that, but I want some things to change around here. He will also be able to read it in private and it will have time to sink in. He's just a raw nerve as much as I am right now and thinks I'm picking on him...which I'm not, but since it's occuring the way it's occuring, it would certainly appear that way to him, assuredly. So, as I see it, it's win-win..he'll get some enlightenment and I'll get to have a real say-so. And it was here all along..the solution.

Managing Your Inner Bitch

It is my observation that all women are bitches. Yep, every last one of them. Me too. I'm a bitch extraordinaire. Queen bitch of them all, well, not really, there's a few out there who can outbitch me in a second for sure, but I rank up there.

But, most people wouldn't peg me for a bitch the first time they meet me. Most people peg me for being sweet, innocent, and a pushover. They are ever so surprised that I can turn into one hellacious bitch..upon demand.

That's because I learned to embrace the bitch in me and realize that she, too, has a purpose. I like to try and give everybody I meet the benefit of the doubt and treat them as I would really like to be treated. Some people think that they can take advantage of that though, and at those times, I find it very useful to have an inner bitch to call on to take care of my lightwork for me. It's important to keep that inner bitch on a leash though because a little bitching goes a long way.

The older I get the more control I get over my emotions and it can become just that easy. Picking one way of saying something to try and get the person or people to understand and if that doesn't work, then try a different way. I like to call on the inner bitch as a last resort, personally, but I'm not scared to do so. Sometimes you're in a situation where it's good to use your inner bitch as a deterrant. Whatever gets the job done.

My Daddy Is Rolling Over in His Grave

My daddy was a pickup truck man. A Ford pickup truck man, to be more specific. He had other cars, though. He had a van he did up one time, made it real loud and had a good time with it. But, it was surely a Ford. Once he had a Mustang, 65 or 66. My mother swears he got rid of it because it left him one too many times. I think that he got rid of it because I was 16 and wanted that car bad or one like it. He never got a sports car again. From that time forward, it was always trucks. He did buy a Chevy Astro Van for my mom once and cursed GM products from that day forward. But he really, really hated the 'rice burners'. More than being a Ford man, he was a Buy American kind of guy. My first car was a Ford Escort and my second car was a Ford Ranger. Both vehicles daddy had a strong influence in me buying.

My husband is a Chevrolet man, through and through. But, they got along good, because it was still the same philosophy...American made.

And, my husband was an Earnhardt man and my daddy was a Jarrett man. Could you imagine Dale Earnhardt driving a TOYOTA? And Dale Jarret is going to be doing just that. I just KNOW my daddy is rolling over in his grave, his favorite driver, gonna go drive a rice burner. What is the world coming to?

But, to be fair, Toyota is assuredly competitive. They have been in the truck series and those engines are still being built in NC in the shops those guys have by American guys, so does it really matter what name is on it? This is one of those times, I'm glad my daddy isn't around to see what has happened to his sport, although I would have liked to go to one race with him.

Blogiversary Post

So, today is the actual day. Also Cinco De Mayo and I don't think we're celebrating this year. All things latino have lost their appeal. Except Taco Bell, and they closed the one next to my house, damn it.

I thought I was going to have something really profound to say, but maybe not. Major changes coming in the next year for sure. This year, I've had a chance to sit back and say.."Oh shit, I screwed up somewhere and I have to fix it." And that's a fact. That's cool, though, change is good. It's probably going to be a little rocky for awhile, but that's good too.

I know when I showed up out of the blue, people were like...Where did she come from, who's offspring is she? My blog parentage, like most things in life, is not one person but a group of ladies who have encouraged me over the years. They shall remain anonymous unless they choose to be identified, but they are among my most faithful readers, still.

I knew about blogging from it's birth, but I didn't think it was for me. I read a few and I just could not imagine revealing that much about yourself on the internet, so I just ignored it. Well, my bad. I had no idea that there was a whole other world out there. When you think about the internet, it's wierd, because it's like being on several time space continuums at once. You can enter and exit different places that are like completely different worlds, just depending upon the makeup of the people involved. Amazing. And blogging is a whole other world and one that I am so happy to be a part of. I have met a ton of amazing people right here..people that through their words and advice, have changed my life. How incredible is that?

Talk about miracles. So, to each and every one of you who have encouraged me, and read my endless drivel, THANK YOU! And, for those of you who put me on your blogroll..THANK YOU! Thanks for making me feel welcome and worthwhile for me to stay around. My goal was to write a post every single day for a year, and you know what? I achieved that goal and then some. I have had some say that they've seen an improvement in my writing, but I can't really tell. Mostly, I just hear to keep doing what I am doing. I would like to pull a story out of all this drivel some day and maybe bind it up and at least be able to give it to family, ya know? I'm hoping to be able to find time to sit and do some research on a given topic and write an essay on it..the kind of writing I KNOW I can do but haven't yet found the time to devote to it. I am hoping that some of the distractions are going to be removed real soon. My eldest son had his 22nd birthday yesterday. We didn't really celebrate it. He didn't really make an effort to be around. He stopped up around 8pm to let us wish him a happy birthday and see if we had something for him. Sigh. It's clear to my husband what needs to be done now. Thank God for good friends. His friend cut him NO SLACK this weekend and I didn't ask him to. That's what good friends are, honest. But, what the hell, the dude did not say anything that I have not already said a thousand times, but whatever.

So, here we are, a year later. I'm pretty sure that I'm a little wiser, too. My upcoming graduate is trying to take the same path as his oldest brother. Ha. First of all he just turned 18 and has no permit yet. He informed me that he wasn't going to look for a job until the end of summer, so I guess that means he still isn't getting any kind of permit or license..until he has a job. I am so done with this crap. He's got 4 choices, get enrolled in school, find a DECENT job, move to Texas, or join the military. Pick one. I thought with the oldest one, I'd cut him some slack and let him have a few months. BIG MISTAKE!!!!!! Man, make them pick a path just as soon as they turn 18. That's what I learned this year. My one that is in between them is the one whose all motivated and the 16 yr old is just like him, but those other two...man. Makes me glad I have a lot because my average is pretty good. I have 4 out of 6 that get it. Wouldn't it suck to just have one kid and the kid be like my eldest? You might start to feel like a failure then, or something. Once he gets on his own, though, he'll get it and he won't hate us for long. And, if he does, so be it. I guess that's his perogative now, isn't it. I'm pretty sure it won't come to that, though, because he'll start to realize just how much we ARE there for him. Our friend said we should pay him to leave, it would be cheaper for us...isn't that a hoot? I know y'all been saying it for a long time, too..and I never disagreed, but y'all can certainly understand the position I'm in right?

But, hey, that's the name of the game, isn't it...live and learn? Persistance is key, too. So, here's to the next year!!! Thanks for sticking with me, I appreciate it!

Watching the Replay

Just watched Tony Stewart do his barrel roll on the tri-oval. Man, that was some stuff right there. That was all angle. The roof flaps deployed, but I don't think soon enough. The air just picked the ass end of that 3000+ lb car and flung it back on to the track upside down. Forces of nature at work and that is what I find so fascinating about racing. They push the limits of physics all the time. They pull stuff off in those cars that is sometimes by the laws of physics, totally impossible, and live to tell the tale. And, he was driving the hell out of that car until the ass end lifted.

It also made me realize that the little boy that was next to us...was never going to get to go to the race in the first place. The dog bite happened at the same time as the wreck and there's only 48 laps left or so. I should have let my husband kick that asshole stepfather's ass like he wanted to...the real owner of the dog. I was trying to be "christian" and not cause a stink. Damn.

I'm starting to rethink this nice stuff.

Another One

Here's another picture. This was taken Monday afternoon after the race. That's the 18 yr old, he's about 6ft5in. We were looking a little rough by then.

Kelly..Uncensored

Most of the time, I try to be real nice to people. I admit, I was already twigged to the gal, but she sure didn't do anything to improve my impression of her.

I decided that this time, I was going to say what I felt like saying when I felt like saying it. There comes a point in time where being nice just doesn't work anymore. First of all, there was a discrepancy as to what her real age was. I thought she was 27-28. She was not real open about it. First we were talking about Gretchen Wilson and I said...Oh, you'd be about her age, right? And she agreed. THEN I came right out and asked her how old she was and she told me 20. Which is about how old she acts, but she isn't 20 either. How do I know this? She bought beer and they carded her and still let her buy it.

I told her hearing that she was 20 made everything make sense for me since that was about how old she acted. The cool guys next door pegged her for 13 or so..LOL!

And the girl thought she was going to be a diva right in the middle of my campsite. She parked her half naked ass in a chair right in the middle of the food prep area so that we all had to walk around her and whatnot. AND giving the men orders.

We had to tell the 18 yr old that if she got herself into some shit to let it go. Let her because all she wanted to do was shake her tail and be the queen. Girl has a lot of things to learn about men. Yeah, she can manipulate the younger ones, but them older ones don't want shit to do with her.

She actually had the balls to tell me she was a southern belle. Which was more revealing than she intended, I'm sure. She had them ALL following her around like a bitch in heat and my son playing the fool.

I have never been more ashamed of my kids than I was this weekend. Well, the two that came with us. The others that stayed home kicked some ass. They got grass cut and floors mopped and all kinds of stuff done. They were excellent.

Anyway, our friend brought him some shine all the way from somewhere and he put it down and I found it half an hour later, laying in some dirt. I had to get all commando on my eldest son. So, I told the boy to go put it away in a safe spot..and he wanted to give me lip. So, I said, "Get up off your ass right now and go put that away or I'm just going to give it back to Dale." And, he got his feelings hurt but did it. Then 5 min later or so, he was standing next to the skank's chair and she asked him to back up a little that he was crowding her.

Well, he ignored her. Then she said, Jim, you're in my bubble, could you back up? THEN she said, "Jim, you're making me claustrophobic." And the whole time he's ignoring her request. Finally, he looked at her and said, "I am not making you claustrophobic..." and I told him, Jim, you better back up 3 feet. And he ignored ME. So, I got up out of my chair and said .."The girl said back the fuck up right now." And, apparently, his dad and our friend had my back...cuz he looked over my shoulder and backed the fuck up. Then, he stormed off and pouted for awhile and CALLED HIS DAD, my husband, to say that he was mad at me..that I hurt his feelings. Know what? Ask me if I give a damn. But, that girl did drive him right to the edge. All of that and I know that they didn't do it all weekend long. She got the air mattress, he got the ground. WTF??? So, that he was acting that way wasn't a surprise, but welcome to the real world.

Not that there isn't a part of me that doesn't think that just funnier than hell as much as he followed her around. She came up with some of the BIG beads, too. You know ..the ones where the smallest one is as big as a soccer ball. I knows what you have to do to get those beads, and titties ain't enough. So, I'm not sure what kind of game she was running, but running a game she was and one of these days, she's gonna be a statistic and it's going to be her own damn fault. Hell, if I still wanted to ignore my instincts, there was the fact that her name did make it on the bathroom wall. Albeit, from another girl, which surprised me...but somebody loves her.

I was sitting there trying to cook for the whole crowd..well, me, my husband and our friend, and I couldn't find something. I said.."Hey, I need some paper towels.." Did one of the kids in MY group get up off their ass and look? No, the kid that rescued the dumbass from the dog ran over to HIS camp and brought me some paper towels. Lit my fire, took trash out...this kid was unbelievable. And there's mine..sitting on their asses. I did not raise them to be that way.

They don't get to go back, either. Not with me. They better find a way to get there on their own because they ain't riding in my car, sleeping in my tent, eating my food...or I'm not going. I don't need the drama.

My oldest is the one I'm most pissed at, but my graduate, I'm pretty pissed at, too. He wouldn't eat for himself. Man, I do not baby them out there...eat or don't eat..it's your dumbass. I almost wish they wouldn't then they would pass out in the tent and the people who pay for the whole shebang can have a little fun. My husband had to fix him a plate and damn near force feed him on Sunday morning. Bullshit. I wouldn't have done it. I'd have told him to get his ass up out of the chair and feed himself. I had already promised this one he could go to the fall race too, but this is one promise that is getting broken. He didn't earn the right to go to the truck race. I'm chilled about this weekend, because in the fall, I really, really, really want to see the trucks under the lights and none of these peeps is going to mess with that.

See my foot..it is down firm. I am over this. I know I wasn't supposed to come along and change things, but too damn bad. I shouldn't have to be the damn maid and cook either. Nobody but me ate Friday night cuz they all were gone or too drunk to eat. I didn't hunt them down and I was pissed off that all that meat went to waste, too. Funny, they didn't miss another meal.

But the race made it all worthwhile. Thank God we were able to stay and watch it. That is the best race ever..the spring race at Talladega. Five wide..whew..that only lasted about a lap before the big one. I really am not a Carl Edwards fan any longer, either, I think I mentioned that. Talladega is Earnhardt country..period. That has been demonstrated over and over again. You don't mess with the Earnhardts at Talladega. He did not need to hit him over and over again. He could have raced clean.

I see the Blown-eyeds had a great time, too! I see a lot happier stories over there...hell yeah!