Texas

That right there was the central activity for the time we were in Texas. The goal being that there be someplace safe outside for Dad to be. This didn't go down in the world record books as the BEST family reunion, but it will go down as one of the most productive. And, we managed to squeeze in a lot of family visiting at the same time.

My son Jake opted to stay behind and help his grandparents. They, in turn, are going to ensure that he gets to college and whatnot. Right now we're going to reevaluate the situation at the end of the summer but my in laws were so happy that I can't really see it not working. My mother in law was on the phone with her friends talking about how she'll be able to be involved in the church again and whatnot.

We did have an emergency room visit for Dad while we were there. That really just made the realization that Mom needs some help just really become obvious. But, you don't want to take away their dignity, right? She does such a WONDERFUL job taking care of Dad, she really does. It's herself that she's neglecting and that's not good. The physical demands of taking care of Dad are getting to be so much. Jake can help her with stuff like the Sam's runs and all that heavy stuff. We miss him like crazy, but I am so damn proud of that kid right now, I am bursting.

The visit overall was bittersweet. Never before have I had a clearer definition of what that means.

Queen of Denial

So, I came in night before last from Texas. It was a rough trip, truth be told. I sit down at my computer to read my favorite bloggers, catch a laugh, gain my perspective. The first on my list was Gut Rumbles and I read those words of Sam's and my first thought, really, was Rob who? I wonder what blog HE had. Then it hit me. Hard. Oh. ROB. No way..not Rob. Well damn it all to hell.

I didn't know Rob very well, but we would email back and forth occasionally. More often since he got out of Willingway. It is my nature to drop someone a line and try to offer some words of encouragement or help when I saw someone in pain and Rob was no exception. He always answered me, he was always painfully honest..brutally honest, but always, always, was he nice to me and sweet to me. We were having a discussion about the merits of Texas when I left on my trip.

I don't even know what to say. I am going to miss that ornery old bastard a lot. He reminded me so much of my own father..full of fight...full of life. It always sucks when those people who appear larger than life pass like that. It kind of reverberates and leaves everyone breathless and shaking. I still don't want to wrap my mind around it. I wish I had got to meet him in person. I hope that he is at peace and no longer in pain.

Rob Smith, a man who was larger than life; the very definition of vitriolic.

I'm a Man, A Manly, Manly Man, Yes, I Am!

Ah yes, here I am at my computer typing out this lovely post. I SHOULD be in oh, Arkansas somewhere, maybe still Tennesee making my way towards East Texas.

My kids had OTHER plans it would appear. First, college boy got a new job so he had to bail on the trip. They weren't supposed to leave until Friday. So, since he bailed on the trip, the older ones decided that they had to celebrate Father's Day early.

So, I made a mad dash to Sam's to pick up the gift they picked out for him..a brand new GRILL. Oh yea, it's a nice one, too. They ALWAYS do nice presents for him.

So, we got it home. And, I was WHOOPED. That SOB weighed 174 pounds in the box and it was me and the 18 yr old to put it up in the truck. I am WOMAN!!! I sure as hell wasn't even THINKING about being part of the working party to take it OUT of the truck again, though.

Being the good boys they are, they did not make their father put together his own present and we celebrated Father's Day last night. Of course, that meant we did not get to bed early and neither did we get much sleep.

After it was all put together, my oldest son bursts out into song.."I'm a man..a manly, manly man, yes I am, I am a man." and it was funny. This is a MANLY grill. It has the ash tray that slides out, and the grates that crank up and down. A definite upgrade to what he had.

This morning, the alarm went off and we both bitched about it..LOL! And, so we got to talking and my husband decided that since he was now going to have nobody ride with him, he would just take off sooner then we could all go together in the morning.

Works for me just fine. I like it when he's along anyway. So, the truck is packed anyhoo and all we have to do is hit the road. And tonight we cook the steaks that I had gotten for them to cook while we were gone. Hell Yeah!

Oh, The Things You Can Think...

Sometimes, even I don't know what I'm thinking. I have no idea how I thought I was going to be ready to go anywhere today and have a prayer that little dude would enjoy his birthday, which he did..BEST birthday EVER was his pronunciation at the end of the day. Whew! He didn't quit going until late. He just went back to bed this morning he's still so tired, and believe me folks, that NEVER happens. He might fall down somewhere in a state of exhaustion, but willingly go to bed...you have GOT to be kidding. He's a boy.

And it surely did not help that when I woke up yesterday, my brain just turned right the hell off. I mean, I couldn't make it go in ANY direction. Such is part of the curse of being a woman I suppose. And you know what really sucks??

Me and the old man had a huge blowout the night before and my brain could not function well enough to figure out what it was that was bothering me. My ability to articulate just went..away. You know, one of those fights where halfway through, you can't even remember what you're fighting about. I put it down to overactive hormones, heat, and stress...oh yeah, and that hot ash or whatever I had in my EYE. When I came to my senses yesterday morning, I apologized and he said.."Hey, it's cool..you got your priorities right, you made up with me BEFORE you picked the fight." Well, he didn't use those words EXACTLY, but y'all know what I mean, right? Whew. What a forgiving man I married.

Yesterday, I was just ill. My stomach was all cramped up and I was just...ill. It was like I didn't even HAVE a brain. But, I did, it's just more CREATIVE and that side of it is just alien to me. And usually I have to employ it towards solving a problem, which there is always an abundance of around here. I JUST got the dishwasher fixed and the damn ice machine craps out..ugh. Oh, and little dude isn't really thrilled with water. He had several early childhood experiences with water that were rather traumatic for him, so the slip and slide took a bit of persuading to get him interested in. For some reason he hit that mat hard..I'm telling you the kid has a red eye this morning and a big ol bruise where his hip hit a rock...I don't know HOW he did it. I know where the bruises on his knees came from..his brother decided to push him down it as a way to help him conquer his fear. Had to run interference on that one. Strangely enough, I didn't see that kid again until this morning. It was very wise of him to stay out of the way of momma bear. Little dude got into it after awhile though, once he learned how to slide down it an not cause himself pain...LOL!!

Watched Denny Hamlin bring it home at Pocono and figured on getting caught up with some stuff and packed today. So, I thought I was superwoman, don't we ALL? I guess God gave me the smackdown this weekend and made me realize, ok, perhaps I have a limit or two! Actually, that's kind of good to know.

The Big Eight

It's little dude's birthday today and he is currently engaged in a war on several fronts right now. They make the coolest toys for boys, don't they???

He's especially stoked because he's the BIG EIGHT..and he's sporting his Dale Jr. shirt in honor of it. He's 8 like Dale Jr. What a hoot.

I'm looking at him and my baby isn't a baby any more. He's a big kid now. Sigh. They just grow up too damn fast.

He's got this enthusiasm, energy, and fearlessness that only the youngest child can have. He has no reason to think there is nothing he can't accomplish and he goes after everything with such GUSTO that it's really infectious. It gets old say at 10-11 at night, mind you, but most of the time, it's an endearing quality.

This summer his big goal has been to conquer the maple tree out back and climb as high as his brothers. His brothers, of course hooked him up with some really cool toys..toys that shoot and bang and make noise and are just fun. He got the army men and the dart gun to shoot them with, but my daughter is the marksman, apparently. Then of course, when that fails, you got the remote control General Lee to just mow those bad guys down, playin' Dixie the whole time.

Burgers for supper, driving lesson for the other one squeezed in and maybe some slip and slide this afternoon. Remember those? They were so much fun when I was a kid, I'm kind of eager to relive it with my own children. Plus it's hotter than hell today and it'll cool everyone off.

Of COURSE the race will be on..it's on EVERY weekend. The damn cable went out last night RIGHT BEFORE the end of the race. Oh, I am so calling the competition if it happens again. That's the very first time it ever happened, so they get once..but man, that was annoying. I did catch the ARCA race, though and it was pretty good.

I feel like shit today, which kind of sucks. I have absolutely NO energy. I have decided that I read too much, too..LOL. I got an ash or something in my eye last night and it took a LONG time to flush it. I went to sleep and woke up and had to go find the eyedrops again...and while I was asleep I was dreaming about the guy in Comanche Moon who had his eyelids cut off by the Indian. I figured if he could survive that by packing his eyes with mud, I could live through a piece of sand or ash in my eye. When I woke up this morning, it had flushed out although my eye feels all swollen and hot today.

My husband whacked his leg with a 25 lb sledge hammer the other day and had a LOVELY bruise on his leg. If he'd have hit it square, he'd have broken his leg. Thank God for miracles.

The 18 yr old whom I just took to get his permit the other day said to me...So, how are we doing the trip to Texas?? I said...."What do you mean?? You are riding with me Monday or Tuesday or with your father on Friday." He said.."I meant were you going to drive the whole way or was I going to drive some, too." Well, HAHAHAHA...kid has GOT to be out of his mind. I don't like ANYONE in control of a vehicle I'm in and certainly not someone inexperienced. I may be a bad mom, but I don't do driver's ed. That, my husband gets to do. Actually, by me not doing it, with the temperament that I am, it's better..it makes me a good mom. I can remember teaching one how to ride a bike...Oh lordy...nope. You gotta have patience when teaching them things like that..and I have ZERO. Once they've learned some competence and all that..then I'll drive with them and fine tune their style some. Even then, it has to be at the right time.

So, today we're chillin'...actually we're roasting..it's going to be hotter than hell today..it's ALREADY hotter than hell and we're 5 hours away from the hottest part of the day, oh joy.

Tomorrow I'm packing and off to Texas where for some reason, the heat is more tolerable and even energizing to me. I don't get the difference, I guess it's more humid here in Georgia. Not NEARLY as humid as in Virginia, though. The summers here are a LOT more tolerable than there. But, hot is hot!

Little dude thinks that his biggest birthday present is going to Texas..isn't that so cool?

Oh yeah and I'm reading Andromeda Strain by Michael Crichton..what an incredible author he is. I bought the book the day before yesterday and it sucked me in so fast, I am almost done and I have done a ton of other stuff too. I fixed my dishwasher yesterday. Looks like I get to fix the icemaker tomorrow..don't things just pick THE MOST inopportune times to break?? Geez.

So, y'all try and stay cool, ya hear? And I'll be back in a coupla weeks!

Hmmmm.....

Al-Zarqawi...I'm not sure which card he is, one of my kids has all the terrorist cards and therefore knows who is who..but what I find interesting is WHERE they killed him. Oh..it was IRAQ...IRAQ..isn't that that place over there where we are fighting that SOME believe we shouldn't be??? Why shouldn't we be again??? Tell me again how there's no threat there. And no, I'm not that ignorant...I know where Iraq is and why we're there, I just felt the need to indulge my inner smart ass this morning.

Sometimes I joke like that, though and people think I'm serious. Like, I do know what detailing is..LOL..I was just bein' a smartass.

I did that to one of my sisters in law once, too. I went to that big ol mall there in Dallas, right and got me a watch that had Texas on the inside in diamnonds, right? So, on it, there was the little quartz emblem so you would know the watch was a quartz watch...anyhoo, I was looking at that watch and we had a couple of beers going on and I looked at the watch and said, "So, just WHERE is Quartz, TX?" and I thought they were going to LOSE it. This is the VERY first time I'd met them, right? I peeked through my curtain of hair and saw the looks of HORROR on their face because they just weren't sure if I was joking or if I was truly that stupid. If you ever met the ex, you'd understand. But, it was funny. I still laugh my ass off when I picture the looks on their faces.

Anyhoo, back to the original subject. Isn't it just a bitch to type Zarqawi?? I mean, dammit, where is the u? Everybody knows that q and u go together. It's just completely backwards to try and type a name with a q in it and no u. It's unnatural.

In other news, the college boy might have found himself a new job. He goes for a second interview on Monday. I surely hope so. Once he's got a new job, that will free my husband up to start looking hot and heavy so they can get away from this miserable place they've been working. And, we'll have our WEEKENDS back...yes! Hey, I'm sorry but all work and no play..well we all know the adage and we all know it's true.

This weekend, I've got a birthday...it's little dude's turn again. Busy season is taking on epic proportions this year. We have a birthday or a holiday in this house to prepare for every week it seems like..LOL! And that's not even counting extended family. We would need someone in the family to be a professional party planner in order for that to happen. It gets tiresome thinking of these things alone, though. So, today I have to go shoe shopping for the 18 yr old. This is getting to be not fun. He wears a freaking 15..and he's still growing. I've got a Shaq or something...That boy hasn't ever been the same size two days in a row. We're gonna get some birthday shopping in after that. Then, on Monday, it's off to Texas to do whatever there. Whatever needs to be done, and then some, because there is a certain amount of SHOPPING that has to be done. I think I'm actually going to wind up making a run into Dallas sometime, too, and that would be LOTS of fun!!

And, now my timer is nagging me telling me that my time is up! Until next time...

Hey..

So, wasn't it supposed to be the end of the world again the other day??? I thought so. Well, here we still are..just like we have been for a few other days that were supposed to be the end of the world.

I think when the world is truly going to end, those that are on Earth will have no doubt in their mind. Just a feeling. It'll be as plain as the nose on your face, I do believe.

Kryptonite?

You know, it's kind of wierd the first time you realize you've got this throbbing, pulsating organ in your hands, isn't it? I dunno, it just feels....wierd. And for all you dirty minded folk out there, catch up. I'm talking about someone's HEART.

Not in the literal sense, either, although there are probably some that CAN relate to what I'm saying in a literal sense.

I'm getting ready to take a trip to Texas here pretty quick, right? And, the TOTAL time I am going to be away from my husband is 5 days, because he's going to join me at the end of the workweek. But you'd think I was gone already and going to be gone forever. And, when he gets like this it kind of puzzles me.

I mean, he must be TOUCHING me if we are within line of sight and this isn't normal. He must be touching me if we are sleeping and that drives me bonkers. I haven't slept for like 3 nights now.

And it hit me, here's this man, he's large and in charge. A REAL bonified MAN...and I'm his kryptonite. And that just feels wierd sometimes..to know that someone loves you THAT much. See, it's a gift, a real gift. But, see gifts aren't free either, especially ones from God.

When you've got someone's heart in your hands like that, you take extra gentle care and be real careful what you're doing. You don't decide to just SQUEEZE REAL HARD and see what happens. What happens is it HURTS and you are now responsible for destroying a piece of that person. That's a piece that they can never get back and YOU TOOK IT FROM THEM.

Ladies, if you are independent women, it's important to understand the effect that this has on your husband's. When you don't NEED them in a society of women who are needy as hell, it just throws them WAY off balance. They start to kind of look to themselves as defective or something and they need a little extra reassurance that just because we don't NEED them, doesn't mean that we don't WANT them. The same thing we've been looking for all these years, when you get right down to it. Somewhere over time the balance of power has shifted again to women. Maybe it was always there and we just didn't know how to use it, but whatever. Right now, the balance of power has shifted and this is our chance to do things right and not a lot of women are up for it, in my observations. See, you can't have it ALL.

It's about compromise. By being independent, I have created this inbalance that makes my husband extra protective. So, it's real important to not FEED that insecurity by conducting myself in a manner that would call ANY question to what I feel. In other words, your actions have to match your words to the letter. What that means for me, is that I have ensconced myself in the family. They all always know where to find me. When God provided my wonderful husband, what came with him was a family of very strong women, and women that I am proud to be in the same family with. I love it. So, he's secure in my love for him, and it makes it easier for him to understand that I just need a change of scenery sometimes. Why not go somewhere where we can actually make a difference? I dunno. Seems too logical to me.

And, the fact that he loves me this much after how OTHER women treated him, totally amazes me. But, it's still wierd because I just don't get it. I don't. I'm just not that special, just an ordinary Jane, ya know...especially in HIS family. Damn, they are ALL smart and well-read. We have books that get passed around the family and all kinds of stuff. I'm bringing my father in law Comanche Moon this time. I bet he hasn't read THAT one yet either. Oh, man, I was so lucky to marry into a family of READERS. I was just lucky all the way around. I have people to PAINT with and do all kinds of girly stuff. I suppose they probably had a lot to do with the healing process, too. I need to be with some people who speak my language.

I get to be the 'golden child' in Texas too...who doesn't like THAT??? Hey, I've never gotten to be the golden child, exactly. Rick says it comes with it's own burdens and responsibilities, and I can dig that, but I kinda like it too. We just radiate love and they come for miles around to lap it up. They all love us, and we love them back and how COOL is that???? Man.

Yeah, and my husband..he's a little jealous, too..hahahaha!!! I get 'his' stool that he used to sit on to visit with mom in the kitchen. I have enough clout to kick him out of his own mother's kitchen. Hehehe. Now THAT'S funny.

She always tells us "NO FOOLING AROUND IN THE KITCHEN"...(wink) And he will come along and aggravate the crap out of me like I'm one of his sisters or something...poking me in the ribs, throwing stuff at me, making faces at me behind mom's back so I'll giggle and get in trouble. Lordy, I love it when he gets ornery.

We haven't had enough of that..just playing and cutting up lately. There's been a certain amount of visiting and a certain amount of sex, although if I hear correctly, not nearly enough of the latter. Sigh. There's only just so many hours in a day and already I am only getting to sleep for 5-6 of them if I'm lucky. And sometimes, that's not all at once. So, just playing and cutting up, joking around, being silly, hasn't been on the list. It's hard to find your sense of humor when you are so overtired.

The air conditioner has been broken so these last few nights have been a Godsend although since I'm pmsing, it doesn't even matter, that's probably more the reason I'm not sleeping.

See, it's MY job to figure out what's wrong with the 'machine' that is our family here and figure out what to do about it. HE doesn't have time...he's on a "time to make the donuts kind of routine". Pretty much I said, "We're going to Texas, take off from work, you are overtired and you need a break," and he said "Yes, ma'am." And because he trusts me THAT much, that's all he had to say.Ha! I've solved some damn problems recently, and this one is going to be the best yet. We need a vacation..to hang out someplace and chill for a bit. Hell yeah!

Pet Peeve Of The Month

Hey, I ought to start doing that..hmm. Anyway, this week it's "can't". Man, I hate it when people say they can't do stuff or...worse...that I can't do something.

Like, when we first got married, my husband said that the furniture "can't be arranged any other way" You know I just had to find that one way to arrange it that he hadn't thought of, right?

I'm not talking about the obvious can'ts like the guy in the wheelchair who "can't" walk..I mean, that's just crazy. Of course he can't. I'm talking about the people who say they can't do something and it means either they won't, or they are afraid to try.

You've met those people..they want to whine about their problems and when you offer a solution, they tell you that you don't understand, or that they can't do whatever it is you are suggesting will make their life better. I mean, people need to be more HONEST. If you say, "I can't" to me, then I HAVE to respond with "Why?" and then it's one or the other, very rarely is there something actually there to stop them.

I have learned to do more stuff that way, too. If I held by the 'can't' theory, then I wouldn't paint today or crosstitch or any of that other girly stuff that I love to do. I surely didn't think I had it in me to raise 6 kids..but it never occured to me that I COULDN'T. We can do a lot more than we think we can. Sometimes thinking is our worst enemy. Sometimes we just need to take the plunge. Most times, with an open mind, you learn to swim pretty fast. You have to at least EXPLORE what you can and can't do.

See, and if you are saying you can't...because you won't..then why not just say "I won't" instead??? Check this, I won't be jumping out of any perfectly good airplanes..ever. That doesn't mean that I can't...oh, I could with a little training...but I won't. See, makes the options more clearer when people are more direct in their language.

But, that's me. I'm pretty sucky at other things though..like offering comfort..oh hell no. I should just quit trying...really. I am so to the point and matter of fact and so solution oriented...most people haven't had a chance to realize the full blow of what has hit them..and I'm usually thinking 3 or 4 steps ahead always. It's just in my nature. I just wind up pointing out the obvious choices in the given situation. People don't like that, I've noticed. It's like I don't spend enough time on the sympathy thing or something. And, I AM sympathetic, I assume that if you are expressing a problem, then you are in an uncomfortable place and would like suggestions as to how to get out of that place and quickly. But, no, people aren't like that either. Sometimes they just want to ...whine, I guess. I don't get it. I mean, the people that continually have the SAME problems over and over again yet don't want to listen to anyone. Ugh. Those kinds of people drive me NUTS.

Yeah, but I might have mentioned that patience isn't one of my virtues. I have a LOT more than I used to but that's still not saying much at all. My husband says it's actually healthier and better because he's got the patience of a saint but when he blows, he blows big. So, he counts on me to make my little smart ass comments about things to keep him in perspective. My little humor routine. He says I do situational humor..the BEST...OK!! He says I'm the best at EVERYTHING, though..so go figure. Me thinks he's a good, good man!

Of course, he's been waking me up at 5 freaking 30 every morning and I didn't get bitchy til today and he's all innocent..."I'm sorry I woke you, honey"..Bullshit, you ain't sorry one bit..but inside I'm secretly grinning because how wonderful it is to be loved by someone that they want to see your face every morning..whether it's grouchy or not. So, I can't stay mad. He was smart enough to give me my space til I got woke up good, though. But, sorry he woke me up??? Hell no. He did that on PURPOSE.

But that's ok. I got to see the sun come up and that's always cool. There's a robin's nest in one of the pecan trees that has babies in it...they are soooo cute. That momma robin just gets UPSET with me when I'm peeking at her babies though. She fusses and fusses...it's so cute. I love my little animal friends. My yard is just the best place to be. We've been going around picking trees to clear out and I hate it because I hate to kill any of the good ones, you know? I mean, geez, I had to pick between an oak and a maple..that was difficult. And dogwoods, they are just so beautiful. I have a ton of those. My gardenias are blooming and that ALWAYS makes me happy. It's like having air freshener from God..I put them everywhere and they just smell wonderful. They are my favorites. The magnolias smell like lemons. The kids don't like it when I bring the magnolia blossoms in the house. They say it makes them sneeze.

Well, it's time for a shower and get going. I have a ton of errands to run today.

Ok, Let's Try it From THIS Perspective

So, college boy and husband have been slaving at the salt mines all day.

I can hear them coming for a half a block or more..that's that Camaro sound..it's kind of at that frequency that carries, ya know.

So, that leaves me time to stand poised at the back door..waiting...thong dangling from my finger tips.

"Joe, why was this THONG in your laundry?"

16 yr old son.."So DAD, how was YOUR day?" (They ALL get desperate to change the subject in these situations.)

Husband, "Well, son, the laughter factor just went up by 10, so that makes it a pretty good day."

Mission accomplished.

Oh, and "for my information" the thong was left when they went swimming for the day. She wore the bathing suit home and forgot the underwear.

Yeah right.

Me.."Well, son, if it doesn't apply, let it fly...now you know where I stand on the issue.

NOW, the mission is accomplished. NOW I get to have a litte drinky poo to settle my nerves and celebrate.

Dumbfounded

Or maybe just dumb. I'm not sure which. That would be me. Dumbfounded pretty much sums it up.

Why, oh Why, if you know you're older kids are having sex...why is that not GOOD enough. Why, do they shove it in your face every fucking second and MAKE you have to deal with it.

I mean, the details..good lord, I don't need to know the details about ANYBODY'S sex life, let alone that of my kids, eh?

They didn't mention this in the non-existant parenting manual either.

I just found a THONG in my college boys laundry. Yeah, I know who the thong belongs to, but why must they come HERE to do what they need to do??? Have I EVER indicated that I'm really cool with this?

I'm pretty sure I've said..NO FUCKING IN MY HOUSE...unless it's the people that own the establishment..namely, me and my husband. What is so difficult about that? They don't go to the GIRL'S house to fuck..why do they have to come here??? And why do they feel that I need to know EVERYTHING. I don't want to know...dammit. I really don't.

Ugh.

If You Want Something Done Right...

That's right..you do it yourself. I was sitting here watching my morning news show this morning and well, it looks like the world is pretty much the same place as when I last watched. There's stupid asses everywhere, good lord. And, the amount of children being exploited and taken advantage of and abused, it's sickening. The top story this morning, our local DARE officer...got caught taping a eight and nine year olds changing in a pool house. I mean, parents TRUSTED him to take care of their kids...he was an officer of the law for crying out loud.

Shoot, that's why I'm at home. My kids don't get shipped off anywhere but school. Any kind of extra curricular activity that they want to engage in, it's going to be at home. They are my most prized possessions, I mean, I don't own them, but I couldn't find a better word. I don't shelter them from LIFE, they spend time with their grandparents and they understand the aging and death process and stuff, but I don't trust a soul with my kids. Any time they were in counseling, I was there. I had to trust the older ones with other people and got screwed every time. I never trusted her, but I had to let them go.

My 16 yr old wanted to play football. I was a little unsure about it but my mind got made up when he came home with his leg swollen to THREE times the size it should have been from playing and getting kicked with a cleat. Did anybody call me??? Did he even get to see a medical professional of any kind???? NO. The coach told him to "walk it off". That's just BULLSHIT, in my opinion. I'm the only one besides his father that is authorized to make that call. And every time you turn around, some little girl is getting snatched..ugh. My daughter is real pissed at me right now because I won't let her spend the night with any of her little girlfriends. Now, I'm not picking on anyone here, I just believe that if you want a job done right, you do it yourself. I want my kids to be safe until they reach adult age.

This feels like it's sounding all wrong. I'm really not overprotective, I just like to take care of things myself, if that makes sense? 9 years old is too young to be going and spending the night somewhere. Maybe when she's a little older and her crowd gets weeded down some into the 'true' posse. And I don't get it because the ones she wants to spend the night with the most are the ones she fights with the most. There's one little girl in particular I'm thinking of and bossy does not EVEN begin to describe it. This little girl..and it's funny because she's so tiny, thinks that she can boss ME around, and bully me..and she's gonna be the southern belle of the group, too. What is it with the Scarlett O'Harra wanna bes around. Did nobody ever figure out that she was the most miserable character in there???

Anyway. Besides all that, I give them art lessons and anything they want to explore extra curricular like that, I just do it myself. That's because, yeah, I'm a little paranoid about trusting my kids with strangers after having read the news. When the little gal wants to spend the night, she can go hang out with her cousin in Texas, whom she ADORES..it's been so cool watching those kids kind of grow up together. They get together and have their own little conversations, their own "catching up", it's so cute.

Little dude has a TON of people to play basketball and stuff. I just feel a little guilty because I know that my daughter is missing the female companionship at times. She want's to hang with her little girlfriends, and I DO understand that, but she's just too young. Why do they want to grow up so damn fast, anyway? She's going to have to know how to take care of herself before I'll let her go with anyone. The boys tell me that she can hit REAL hard for a girl...they are a bit in AWE of her. It's funny but now that she's older I have more clout. And then with college boy's new girlfriend here all the time, hormonal balance is being achieved. I don't know how I feel about that. Girls are, well, different. It's going to be the girls that give me the f-ing gray hair, let me tell ya.

The girlfriend and my eldest, don't get along, for one. So they fight like they are brother and sister, right? Glory. And then, this gal is just determined that I know the DETAILS ..or some of them anyway... of hers and my son's sex life. Man, some consider me kind of prudish..but I don't want to know the details of ANYBODY'S sex life..especially not my sons. And, I don't advertise mine,either. What is it with these gals, that they think we MUST know...and this isn't the first time I've seen this or experienced it. It just is..I don't understand it. If you're son brings home a gal that he's sleeping with, you are going to know it, because she's going to make SURE you know it. Ok, now most of them aren't THIS bold, either that or she felt I wasn't getting the message or something and had to drive the point home..I don't know. So, then my little dude is being a bit of a pain in the ass, but there's a lot I ignore. Well, he wasn't listening to someone tell him to do something. It wasn't bothering anybody, really...SHE says she's going to "pop him". Ugh. NOW, it's on. You don't fucking come into MY house and tell MY little one that you are going to POP him...I don't care if he deserves it or not. I was sitting right there, and I discipline my kids when they are being BAD. I don't really make them quit being ANNOYING. There's a difference. But I will be go to hell if someone is going to even THINK they have the right to lay a hand on MY son while I'm sitting right there.

And, I hate it when I don't have my wits about me in some ways because I should have said something RIGHT THEN..but I didn't because he unfortunately had chosen that moment to ignore me and crossed the line so I had to discipline him, anyway. But, me and her is going to have a nice little chat about some stuff away from the menfolk, that's for sure. Unfortunately, my kids listen to ...well, me, mostly. With other people, they tend to get a bit stubborn sometimes. Are they a little spoiled??? No, I wouldn't say so, they just have learned to think for themselves and if you're being an idiot, they kind of know it. If you are trying to get them to ..oh, say..just go away..they are going to know that and you better believe they are going to be a pain in your ass. It's the nature of KIDS. Anyway, me and the little chicky are going to have a chat.

This is precisely why I had my OWN children. So I could raise them the way I wanted. What IS it with people??? Does this drive anyone as nuts as it drives me..when someone tries to be the authority figure to YOUR child, when they aren't?? When they interfere with what YOU are trying to teach them is the right and wrong way to do things??? Oh, lord it drives me nuts. This is why I stay home every day...this is why I am here..and I have taken the job aspect of it very seriously and some little shit thinks she can just come in here and threaten to SPANK my child. Oh, I don't think so.

Yes, nobody wrote a damn thing in any manual about having to deal with THAT kind of crap. Now, I'm an older sibling, too, so they get a little more leeway..but even they are starting to cross the line. And, it's not like they are BABYING them either..quite the opposite, and there's a few on my list right now. I am starting to push back a lot harder than I have been since these people are a little slow getting the message. Y'all know I know how to be stubborn, right??

I think my eldest is STARTING to get the message. I've been taking his stuff that he leaves laying around. The thing is, though, is that he hasn't really missed any of the stuff I've taken from him. Last week sometime, though, he just decided that his amp and his guitar BELONGED in the living room. Well, they don't. You know how I know this??? Because it's MY fucking living room and if I wanted a guitar and amp in there, well, I guess I woulda put one there, now wouldn't I??? So, I took it and put it in my closet. He freaked the HELL out..asked all his brothers where it went. THEN he comes to find me and he's pissed. I could tell because he didn't say..."HAVE YOU SEEN my guitar?" He growled "WHERE'S my guitar?" "In my room, you left it out." "I put it in it's case..." "But you still left it out." "But, it was leaning against the wall." "But it wasn't leaning against the wall in your BEDROOM." I said, "Hey, I'm trying to send you a message real nice here and if you don't want to take the hint fine, I can say it louder and uglier, but you need to keep your stuff in your room. Period." I had his songbook, too, but he got pissed ans stomped down the stairs. It took him another couple of days to ask me for IT. He isn't really speaking to me. See me crying???? Not.

Ya know, I'm heading to Texas next week. Thank GOD I can escape there!

I Wanna Know

So, those of you who know, what exactly does getting your car "detailed" mean??? I mean, it seems to me, and I'm ignorant here, that it's just a fancy way of saying getting your car washed and waxed?? (or 'warshed' as my daddy used to say) Does Armor All come with the detailing??? I mean, why is it called that? What do they do, exactly? And why does it cost so damn much??

I've gathered from those that have this done..they bandy this word around like it means they're SOMEBODY??? And sometimes I've seen it used as a BLOW OFF. Some gal can't go out with a guy because she's getting her car detailed that night. And then the inevitable male reply.."I'd like to detail her car for her." I mean...it's rather hard to fathom what it really means with all the connotations out there. Shit at least I'm savvy enough to catch the sexual innuendoes so it doesn't mean I'm a complete idiot...it probably means that I'm a complete pervert or something but that's another story altogether (evil grin)

So, do enlighten me on this practice of detailing the car...

My Poor Baby

I get up with my husband this morning so we have a few minutes before he has to go to work and he sighs this big sigh and says "I'm depressed. I don't want to go there anymore." And, then he went. I know it and I wish it weren't so.

Best I can do is make sure that home is well...home..right now and do a little spoiling. As long as he can still see that it's not right, he'll be able to do something about it. When it becomes like...normal...well, then there's a problem.

Boys

I was reading over at Redneck's about the cell phone deal and I had to laugh a little because it reminded me that boys are hard on stuff. And, that is no lie.

A little shopping tip, when you are shopping for boys, do not buy the cheapest model. And you must TEST the display model before you buy it. Always buy the extended warranty or special replacement insurance or whatever, it will save you money in the long run.

I have had the strangest stuff break. I mean, if they are strong enough to break METAL (i.e. socket wrenches, sockets, etc.) then whatever possesses us women to think that PLASTIC is going to last longer than a minute in a house full of boys???

And half the time they don't MEAN to..they just do not know their own strength and then certain times of year, testosterone just really, really interferes with their thinking. And that's no lie either. Boys are STUPID in the spring, unless they are old enough and suave and debonair (evolved?) enough to have a girlfriend.

Man, my kids have broken stuff you would not believe. I remember one snowy day..fresh snow, no doubt and I am doing something and Jake comes running in and says "Joe needs you outside RIGHT NOW!!!!" Oh crap. I run my ass to where the kid was and he's standing there next to a WATERFALL pouring out of this hole in my house and he's got the faucet..in his hand, broken pipe and all. The look on his face was priceless. What had happened was it had been left open to drip so the pipes wouldn't freeze. He walked by and thought that was wrong to have water dripping (I didn't make a general announcement, eh?) Anyway, he tried to turn it off, but the HANDLE was froze so he tried to force it. Well, the PVC pipe in there just didn't hold up and he broke the whole damn thing off.

One of the others was playing basketball downstairs one time. Someone had bought them one of those indoor basketball games that had suckers on it and you stuck it to the door? Well, my guys, being innovative like they are, figured out that those suckers don't work real well, so they glued that thing to the window panes on the door. Then, one of them proceeded to do a spectacular slam dunk...right through the window pane. Suffered a pretty nasty cut and then HID FROM HIS GRANDMOTHER because he didn't want to go get stitches. I was in NC helping take care of my dad at the time. THAT was a lovely phone call.

They have dropped cell phones from a height of 90-100 ft up onto concrete, but because I have that insurance, they just send a new one. They have left them on top of their vehicles, in the middle of the driveway to be run over..you name it they've done it with a cell phone. And not just mine, either...all those boys that come over here are like that.

Good lord, have you SEEN what teenaged boys can do to a lawn chair??? I'm tellin ya, the only ones that have held up are the ones made out of solid metal. Somehow they have not managed to bend or break them..yet. They have to WRESTLE all the time...do they ever outgrow this, I want to know? I quit wrestling with them when they were like 8 or 9...it started to HURT.

And the poor bastards don't know their own strength, they really don't and because they take that huge growth spurt, they often are not the same size two days in a row, and then their all awkward and all their body parts are poking out at all different angles ..ugh, it really does suck being a boy. And they get these bursts of strength, too.

But, know this...boys are hard on STUFF.

Trust

It's important in a relationship, no? Well, I think so. And, that's the reason that me and my honey are still married today.

Do we fight about stuff? Oh, hell yeah, who doesn't???

But what we have is absolute trust. You can't put a pricetag on that. You know what else I got as a result of being married? The loyalty of his friends. I mentioned them before, and some people took it wrong. These guys are true blue, drop everything and come help kind of friends. By me being loyal to my husband, they became MY friends, too.

I remember one time, my husband got a scanned copy of a ticket to the Indy 500 one year from his friend, with the message..."Be there." And you know what...we were there. There was no questions asked except what kind of weather do we need to pack for..stuff like that. It just IS. There's trust there.

I got a girlfriend like that. We don't talk often but if she needed me, I'd be there and if I needed her, she'd be here. Plain and simple. Trust.

It's long been my belief that if you can't trust someone, there is no point in having a relationship. How do you KNOW when you can trust someone? Well, first of all, they take your secrets to the grave. Second of all, they are honest with YOU. Even if it hurts sometimes. And, that's not to use honesty as an excuse to hurt someone. That's just plain old wrong.

You know, when I decided that I was sick of having assholes in my life, I told myself that the very next relationship I embarked on, I would do so slowly and learn to NOT react, no matter how provoked, only take the appropriate ACTION. There is a difference between acting and reacting. So, I always conducted myself like a lady and when the guy in question proved to be an asshole I asked myself...Does this SURPRISE you? Well, no, it didn't. Why? Because I already knew he was an asshole. So, when I finally decided to believe myself, I simply made him sleep in the other bedroom and went about my life. No harm, no foul. Oddly enough, while we were still sharing a house is when I met my husband. I was completely honest with him about my history and he was completely honest with me about his.

Only by being completely and I mean completely honest could we really know if we were compatible. At this point we had both reached the conclusion that we didn't NEED someone in our lives, but it would sure be nice to have someone. Both a little jaded by our experiences in the love department. It was a HUGE honor to be invited home to meet his kids. He didn't tell me until afterwards that I was the first woman since the breakup with the girlfriend that had ever been invited there. He watched how I interacted with the kids and put me through a baptism of fire. Trust me, nobody in his life was happy that he got married without consulting them and so they ALL had to get their little digs in. But, ya know, they all quickly figured it out.

Man, the key to marriage is to understand that this person is your BEST FRIEND and if you can't dig that then you are gonna have a rough ol time of it. When you marry a man you are telling him..."I've got your back." and then you get his back. You don't stab your mate in the back while he's doing his part to watch yours, that's just wrong.

I see it happen so many times. People will justify their bad behavior because the other person "Did it first" Aren't we supposed to outgrow that shit in kindergarten already? Geez, even my kids know it's not acceptable just because somebody did it first.

I'm sorry but there are plenty of nights my husband just doesn't really feel like talking or thinking about anything serious when he comes home from work. Sometimes he's a downright grouchy asshole, truth be told. But, you know what, there's a REASON for that and it has a lot to do with where he has to spend the majority of his time and who he has to spend that time with. I get that...and I let him be a little grouchy and I fetch his beers for him and try to bring a little joy to his life. Sometimes, I just sit and chatter away about shit happening wherever so he can let his mind wander at will with the soothing sound of female chatter in the background. You know, I know he isn't hearing a damn word that I say, but the trance he goes into...it's like the sounds of the ocean..it must be somewhat soothing and that's cool. I just be careful to make sure and let him know when I'm saying something he needs to pay attention to. It doesn't bother me much at all to be quite honest.

That's the other thing I have tried to foster in this house...everybody gets to be exactly who they are. They don't have to be anybody or feel anything but what they feel. Nobody has to put on a happy face or a sad face or any of that. However, they can't contaminate everyone else with their bad mood..i.e. take it out on everybody. If they wish to be left alone, that wish will be respected. It works, honestly.

And ya know, there's always someone around if you have a problem you want to brainstorm.

Blame is such a waste of time. Man, all you do when you blame someone else is relieve yourself of the responsibility of your own actions. And that's bullshit. And, when you spend inordinate amounts of time on your pity pot blaming yourself, well, that's just procrastination. If you got problems in your life there is only one solution...APPROPRIATE ACTION! If you are not trustWORTHY, then you cannot expect that people will trust you.

If you don't have people around you that you can trust, then you don't have shit.

I'm just sayin'

Some More Idle Female Chatter

I heard something today on the morning news show that got me to thinking. It was actually an interview with Jennifer Anniston and she said she thought that reality tv was ruining America and she asked the question.."Where have all the sitcoms gone?"

And, you know, being a sitcom lover, I want to know the same thing. Have we as Americans just lost our sense of humor??? If we have, that's a very bad thing because if you can't laugh at yourself, then you've lost perspective. There is humor in most situations, but you have to be able to FIND it.

There is enough reality in every day life, you'd think when we got a chance, we'd want to escape it a little. But, no, instead we let pour into our homes via sattelite and cable, all this horrifying stuff, the stuff nightmares are made of and we wonder what in the hell is wrong with us. Look, like anything else, our brains need some down time. It needs time to focus on healing the damage we have inflicted on our bodies during the day.

This love of reality is nothing more than a love for drama. A love for that adrenaline fix, I guess. I don't get it. I like reality just fine, but I like to turn it off sometimes too. That's what I go to the television for.

But more and more, I find myself turning to books because tv is just too bizarre anymore. Are there no boundaries??? Is there no such thing as TASTE anymore? I mean, geez, I'm not an idiot, I can get the message without having it drawn out in the most graphic of ways. We are traumatizing ourselves and we wonder why there are so many depressed people and so many people suffering from anxiety and agoraphobia and all kinds of other mental illnesses. Turn of the fucking tv is what I say. We are doing this to OURSELVES all for the name of entertainment. What the hell???

What has happened to comedy??? My favorite comedian right now is Carlos Mencia. Is that dude funny or what???? I mean, laugh your ass off, sides hurting funny. I love Ron White, too. That dude is funny as hell..well all that crowd is. We need some more humor. We need sitcoms. We need laughter. There's a lot of reality in humor, as well, for the reality lovers. There's a lot of TRUTH in humor, too, that's what makes it funny ...we can ALL identify with it.

I'm very afraid for a nation that has lost its sense of humor though.

My Husband Is A Stinker

No, he's not really. Really he's a darling of a man. But, he can be sneaky, that's for sure.

So, we have pretty much forgone presents for our anniversary, by mutual agreement. We have too many other financial obligations at this time of year, for one, and for two, our anniversary has always been a kind of family affair. There has never been just TWO of us, so it seems a little wierd to cut the others out when they were there too. We usually just go have a nice quiet dinner somewhere, drink a couple of beers and cut up..you know, a date.

So, yesterday, after he gets home from work, we decide where we're going to go, and go take showers and get ready and whatnot. So, when I get out of the shower, there, on the dresser is some flowers, live and in a pot, a box of chocolates and a gushy, mushy card. That stinker.

I didn't go get a card. I thought we knew we loved each other and that stuff wasn't important. Crap. I feel really bad, ya know?

But, I did give him a really good back rub last night, so perhaps that makes up for it?? He didn't seem disappointed. But still.

It's My Anniversary Today

11 years. I think that's so cool! The longer I'm married, the more I love it. I cannot tell you how much I love my husband. There's nothing like being married to your best friend. My favorite thing to do is bring a smile to his face..but for us, every day is like an anniversary in a lot of ways. Anyway...YAY!!!

Fashion

One of the things I hate to do more than anything in the world is shop for clothes. With fashions being what they are and the size and shape that I am, it is just an agonizing experience.

Because I'm so tiny, I have to shop for most of my clothes in the Jr. Misses section, right? Well, that was just fine and dandy with me, until I had 2 more babies. Not many of those gals have actual hips at that age. So, I try finding a size in the women's department and I don't know, most women must be Amazons or something.

Buying jeans, nice fashionable jeans, means that my hems are dragging the ground. Capri pants just look like highwaters on me. Isn't that just a lovely look?

Then we have shorts. They make two styles of shorts as far as I can tell. Daisy Dukes or these strange concoctions that just don't feel right. It's like, if you pull them up to where your actual waist is, they don't look right, but if you pull them down to your hips like they're supposed to be worn, then you get this bulge in the front. It just freaks me the hell out to look down and see a bulge in my pants. I do not have a dick and I don't want anyone else to think I do either.

My poor husband choked on his beer last night when I came up and asked him that...hey, does it look like I have a dick? He said my ASS looked great. I said, Yeah, imagine the poor bastard that's staring at my ass and I turn around with these shorts on and there's this big giant bulge...Geez.

Shit, there's times I'm actually a little jealous of the larger ladies, they have more damn clothes options. I get to look like an orphan dressed in whatever clothes, or I have to dress like a teenager, which I haven't been for some time. Or, I could dress like an old lady, but I'm just not that old yet.

Needless to say, I have a few brands that I stick with and make it simple. Jeans and t-shirts and sweatshirts solves the problem nicely.

Oh, and we don't even want to get into the normal weight fluctuation...you know that 10 lbs that comes and goes. Well, for me, that means a size and a freaking half of clothes. And, it ain't no better losing it than gaining it. Well, no, that's not true because I've gained a LOT of weight really rapidly before and I got up one morning ..I shit you not ..and the pants I had on the day before would not button up. Now that's some freaky stuff. I have it happen the other way, mostly. One day I get up and my pants are bagging on me...and I have to switch to the "other" sizes. It coincides with winter and summer, though, so my summer clothes are smaller.

But, man, isn't that a lot of CRAP just to cover yourself every day. Thank GOD I love jeans!