Gone To Texas

Merry Christmas Y'all! We're headed for Texas for a week. It's been typically hectic and lots of blog fodder but y'all have to wait for that.

VS

Ya know, I don't care what ol' Gretchen says, I love me some Victoria's Secret. I sneaked out yesterday and went shopping at the ladies' underwear store..which is kinda hard around here, having a kid with me every second of every day.

It was well worth the trip though. Just the pick me up the senior chief and I needed. He sure liked the modeling I did for him. Put a new cd on, lit some candles and for a couple of hours it was just man and woman, just us. No kids, no family, no nothing but us. I could use a week or two of that. When people start asking what we want for Christmas next year, we have agreed the answer is going to be .."A honeymoon" I think after 11 years of marriage we deserve one.

Awkward

So, here we are...hanging in the garage drinking a couple of beers, listening to the new Project...everybody kind of in their own little worlds, thinking their own thoughts.

The senior chief and I were having a quiet conversation by the work bench and then the song came on. The song that just expresses it for the men..this week. The senior chief gets this glint in his eyes, the twinkle of badness that I love so much and bursts into song.

Crazy Bitch....

That's the name of the song. The artist is Buckcherry, right? This is cool...I give him the little grin back..y'all know how it goes, right?

Then, the chorus comes around and it so happens that everybody was around...and they ALL burst into song. Now I know what the senior chief is thinking when he sings to me...but to hear all those teenaged boys singing ..thinking the same things about their respective girls...well, that was just a little awkward.

There's knowing what they're thinking...and then there's KNOWING...and well, ewww. That kind of shit just kills the mood, you know? But, it's a good song anyway. Those that requested the cd get it..the rest of it's pretty good, too.

The balancing act between mom and wife sometimes gets a little difficult to achieve sometimes, you know? When worlds collide....when you think songs like that is what brought them into the world in the first place....

Ok, I'm Good

Whew. Last night me and the senior chief called a time out to all the hecticness and just spent some time reconnecting. It was necessary and cool.

Turns out he was feeling much the same as I was. Our independent duties have kept us passing like ships in the night with a grin and a promise of tomorrow. Well, tomorrow and all that just wasn't good enough anymore.

It's a funny thing how it works..so much of our strength is taken from the source that is our love. Every now and then it's real important to replenish the source.

I feel like superwoman again today. Bring it, life...I can take it and give it right back.

Morbid Thoughts

Yeah, I know..just the right time of year. It struck me, though, that it's all an illusion. The people we are surrounded by..all of that...it's all an illusion. Not real. What is real is that we are all utterly and completely alone with no one to rely upon but ourselves. And, strangely enough, that's the only truth that matters. All the rest...just mirrors to perfect the illusion...the illusion of being connected.

Merry Christmas!

As I was out fighting the hordes, trying to find the perfect gifts..the ones that would put that smile on everyone's face, I couldn't help but reflect on how truly blessed we are.

This is the last Christmas we are all going to get to be together as a family for awhile what with all the moving around everyone is doing. The 20 year old is set to ship out after the first of the year which made shopping for him a bit difficult this year. Best to keep it simple.

I like to shop in solitude. I always experience a wide range of emotions while shopping and not being all the way better yet leaves me vulnerable to the occasional crying jag or two. Forgetting that I'm not supposed to be shopping for my father in law. Wondering what to get the Colorado son. I'm thinking long-johns there, haha!!!

And, the weather...it has just been gorgeous here. It was wonderful to get out, feel the sun on my face, watch the parents of the fit pitching kids try to control them, watching the hordes of children who are just truly miserable to be stuck in carts, (those things hurt your LEGS after awhile) and feeling so grateful for my own children who are really just good kids. That's what everybody tells me everywhere I go.

Tomorrow, they get to go on their long awaited shopping trip. That's the best part for them, getting to go to the store and get presents for people. I am very blessed with children who have a lot of love in their hearts and empathy for their fellow man. My daughter got busy with some construction paper and made a poinsetta wreath and it is just gorgeous. That little girl has some talent.

The whole family is getting together for Christmas this year. Some can only stay a few days, some are coming later than others, but over the course of a week or so, everybody will be together. That's the best part, I think. I love the hugeness of it all. The more the merrier, I say. It will be good to see my little great niece and nephew again, as well.

Apparently, for Christmas, my mother in law had a deck put on the back of the house for us to all sit out and look over the lake. We used to sit in the carport and just look at her car, or sit on the back porch and party until Dad yelled at us to be quiet. That's going to be sad this year, Dad not yelling at us to be quiet while he watches his westerns. Anyway, it's going to be lots of fun!

I hope everyone gets to have as wonderful a Christmas as we are having and may your days continue to be blessed.

Alive...Barely

People, if you haven't gotten your flu shot yet. ...do. Now. Run. You don't want this shit, trust me. Today is the first day in like a week I feel like I might just live after all, and that ain't saying much. Still not top of the line, yet, but thank God not as bad.

So, now that I've lost a week in my life, I have like 2 tons of shit to get done. Man, this has been a rough few months, that's all I can say.

Leaving for Texas at the end of the week.

Flu

I'm in hell. Somebody just shoot me.

Confused....

As a mom of such a wide variety of age groups, I often find myself just totally spinning my wheels, running in circles and just being confused in general.

Anybody who doesn't believe that kids aren't God's idea of the ULTIMATE practical joke...well, they don't have kids.

One of the hardest things to do as a parent is try and figure out where in the hell your kid's head is at, what is driving their thinking, etc. Imagine trying to do that from one age group to the next and sometimes they don't let you switch.

For example, last night my 20 yr old was on his way home from the MEPS station, which he emerged from feeling oh so much more educated than before he went. Well, not too much more. This kid is one who really likes to be prepared for what he's going to face. You didn't send this kid to school with his homework wrong and I don't care how long it took to get it right, he'd go at it. I saw this kid in the third grade put in 4-5 EXTRA hours a day to learn his multiplication tables. He wouldn't play, he wouldn't do anything until he had learned those. One time, the senior chief was helping him with homework and they'd been at it for a couple of hours. The senior chief thought that a break was in order and let some of his problems be wrong. He thought that the kid needed, you know, some play time or something. Well, the next day, it just so happened that the teacher called on him to do one of the problems on the board and it was one of the ones he got wrong. Oh my. He was one pissed off little kid, let me tell ya. So, the night before I played Alice's Restaurant for him. I know, y'all might think it was low..but it wasn't. He was PREPARED for MEPS. He wasn't too thrilled with it either, but I didn't send him in unprepared. That would be wrong.

Then, on the other end of the spectrum, I have the little dude who is just having a tough time in school this year. I have requested a conference with his teacher twice to no avail and I'm starting to get a little irritated. Last week, he got sent to the office for threatening to break some other little boy's neck. Now, I know he wouldn't do it, but hey, that's not cool. My problem is, is that 2 weeks ago there was a problem that I never heard about, etc. Why in the hell must it be a crisis situation for me to get involved. I firmly believe in letting a teacher run her own classroom. I do. I am always ready to support the teacher in whatever needs to be done to maintain order in the classroom. But, damn, keep me in the loop, for crying out loud. Let's not wait til it's a real problem before you tell me you can't handle it. I could probably, just maybe, shed a clue or two and help. See, with all the craziness this summer, I missed meeting his teacher. She has no clue that one brother has moved out and then back in, that his grandfather died, and that another brother moved out and another brother is going to move out. All in the space of 4 months. That's a lot for any little dude to handle. Hell yeah, he's pissed. These are things he has absolutely no control over. I'm not saying his behavior is appropriate, but if I had known what was going on, I surely could have done something about it a while ago. Here I am, dumb fat and happy, thinking things are fine at school and then all of a sudden, I have the worst kid in school and yet my requests for a conference have gone unanswered.

Well, there's gonna be a conference this week.

And then my 18 year old. Sometimes he just cracks me up. He says the number one thing that has stopped him from joining the military right now is the physical. He said he doesn't want to be 'probed.' I spit my drink all over the place when he announced that. I said..."Hey, kid, you're gonna get probed. Sorry. Facts of life." And so we had this WHOLE discussion about prostate exams. I had to point out to him that if HE thought it was bad, what about the poor guy who had that to look forward to all day. I mean, can you imagine getting up and knowing that you are going to have to be looking up 60-70 butts that day or more. EWWW. He did kind of laugh. And then there's the whole OTHER side of the story. Be damn glad you're a man, then cuz this chicky got probed TWICE. So, deal with it. That was pretty much how the conversation went. Teach him to try and shock me. He really didn't have too much to say after considering the alternatives.

And so I'll leave you with that thought today. When you think shit's really bad...consider the alternatives.

Ahhh, Mondays

Aren't they just lovely? This morning when I awoke, the little dude was crying. He had a fever and a headache and was not feeling well at all. So, ibuprofen, wet rag for the forehead and a glass of cold water, and back to bed for him.

The senior chief and I got a taste of what it's going to be like soon. The 20 year old is in Atlanta doing the MEPS thing as we speak. And then there were 4..that's going to feel wierd. But, in a lot of ways, there are things I'm going to be able to take care of that have been long neglected. When I say this, the senior chief usually pipes up and says "Yeah, like ME."

The senior chief is working close to home this week so he didn't have to rush out the door at oh dark thirty. He was moving slow anyway. All this change and his babies moving out so fast is kind of taking it's toll. He wonders why he's so tired all the time.

Funny, how time is like a river. It just keeps flowing and meandering along and you can try and fight it or you can just go with the flow and try and stay afloat.

Listerine

Oh my, I had forgotten just how much I loved the clean feel of the old mouth after some fresh listerine. It's the simple things I'm noticing, the little things that are like new joys.

Me and the senior chief had a date last night. There's this little hole in the wall restaurant that one of our kids recommended to us, believe it or not and they have THE BEST food. I am serious. I had a filet last night that would just melt in your mouth and just bursting with flavor. The same with everything they brought out. Me and the senior chief pigged out, drank a couple of beers and laughed our asses off. It was loads of fun and it was even better because I didn't have to be all self conscious about my teeth.

This is a first time EVER experience. My teeth history is long and sad, trust me. My permanent teeth came in brown because of tetracycline, the way I understand it. Anyway, you know how mean kids can be, right? In second and third grade, they would all get together and say "Kelly eats shit." Yeah, that sucked, but what can you do about it. To say that my teeth have had a role in shaping my whole outlook on the world, is a bit of an understatement. To be quite honest, the full impact of that is just now starting to dawn on me. I've been in a state of epiphany for a little while now, trying to sort it all out.

In a wierd way, it's like the whole world just opened up.

I Feel So Old

I really do. I'm looking at some of the kids that come over and I realize that I've known them since they were in middle school.

The recruiter came to our house last night and when I opened the door and saw this young thing standing there in camouflage, I thought for a minute it was one of the kids dressed up in some getup. He was a cutie pie, too and boy howdy those uniforms look good. I haven't been around military folks in a long time. I had forgotten how nice they looked.

I looked at the senior chief and said OH my god, he doesn't look old enough to be out of high school, let alone recruiting. But he was a college grad and married him a local Georgia gal, (he said he loves him some Georgia gals) and he really, really, really, would rather be doing something other than pushing paper. I'm tellin ya, he was the cutest thing.

Ya know...I do love the Army commercials too. Make it a two way conversation. It's a LOT easier to do that when they are adults when you've practiced it all your life.

What's going to be wierd is seeing him in uniform for the first time. My father in law was in the Army when he was that age, and this kid could be his twin anyway, but in uniform...it's going to be uncanny.

I'm real excited for him. Yeah, I thought about the whole war thing and you know, the losses we have had over there are only slightly higher than peacetime casualties due to training accidents. Now, that ain't going to make me feel better if the chaplain comes knocking on my door, but you can't live your life thinking thoughts like that...that's not living and it's counterproductive.

It was a sad day when I realized I was too old for this anymore. The only choice I have is to live vicariously through them a little bit....it's time to pass the torch, it's time for the turnover. This kid is going to be great, though.

I sure wouldn't want to be him telling Grandma, though...LOL!!!

Planes, Trains, Automobiles?

What military aircraft are you? F/A-22 Raptor You are an F/A-22. You are technologically inclined, and though you've never been tested in combat, your very name is feared. You like noise, but prefer not to pollute any more than you have to. And you can move with the best.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

How cool is that? I stole this from Yabu.

Thoughts and Thoughts

So, as I was sitting there putting makeup on this morning...again..and the spontaneously deciding to do my nails, it made me start thinking about cosmetic surgery addiction.

Vanity usually isn't my thing. It's wierd, but the whole time I was putting on the makeup, I was sitting there analyzing the reasons why and where to draw the lines and whatnot. I mean, my teeth look so good, better than my real ones EVER looked that it only seems right to put makeup on and dress them up. Then with the makeup, I looked down at my fingers and saw that perhaps a nail job was in order. You know, complete the image. I am particularly fond of well manicured hands. I like my nails short and sporty but I like them manicured. And, I'm looking in the mirror at my hair thinking I could take an inch or two off and do some curls.

And, that's pretty much what got me to thinking about how plastic surgery addictions can occur. Just like that only on a much larger scale. The difference being, I had my teeth done for health reasons. But still.

I think it's better to just be satisfied with who we are for the most part unless there's a gross deformity. And that's part of the problem as well. What is normal uniqueness to features is a gross deformity to others.

These are things I think about raising a daughter. I really don't want to have her have any body issues and I want her to know how to choose wisely and eat healthily. I don't really keep a lot of junk food in the house anyway. The funny thing with cosmetic surgery addictions..it's a perfect example of making your worst fear come true. That's pretty much what happens when you give in to fear. But that's a whole different subject altogether.

As I went through the whole thought process, it kind of scared me because there really isn't an age limit on this kind of thing. And it seems like such a natural process...and it's unnatural. But damn, I don't want to send her the message that girls should be slobs either. It's good for the girl to see that it's ok to be a girl. She seems pretty balanced, to me, which is cool, but I like to check in on these things every so often..evaluate what message is being RECEIVED, and if the wrong one is, alter my behavior until the right message is being received. It's not a words thing at all.

So, this check, I feel ok about things...but a little more aware of the potential for problems and just how they occur than I might have been otherwise.

You Reap What You Sow

It's true. You get what you put in it and all that. So, what you get when you raise your kids to be independent minded and to think for themselves? Well, you get kids who are independent minded and think for themselves.

My 20 year old announced that after Christmas he is joining the Army. The senior chief was not happy to hear that. Not because of anything other than he loves his kids and doesn't want them to move away, eh? He asked me to talk to the boy and I did. I cannot tell him not to go.

He wants to go because he wants to DO something. He's tired of watching the news and feeling helpless. He feels his country needs him and he wants to give back.

What can I say? Those, to me, are the ONLY reasons to join the military. And, WE instilled that in him...the only recourse we have is to be proud of him. And I am bursting with pride while at the same time, I'm going to miss him.

He was more than happy to walk me through his thought patterns and what led him to his decision and the senior chief listened. He also outlined his goals and the programs he was interested in. He wants to be a Ranger.

All I could do was to walk him through what to expect during the process and let him know at what points he can slow down or halt the proceedings and how to go about that in order to make sure that he doesn't get screwed. But he's a smart kid, so I'm not even real worried about that.

This kid has always been willing to do what it takes since he was a little one. When I first met him, he was struggling with learning to read. He has dyslexia and it took some work to teach him how to work around it. He still isn't the best speller in the world, but he's pretty good, considering. Anyway, he always had an IEP every year and he was always an ACTIVE participant in it. (I taught him that.) Then one year in middle school, he had his own ideas on what he thought he needed as far as help, negotiated his OWN IEP..and some of y'all teachers out there can understand the level of responsibility and awareness that required. Anyway, he did all that on his own and has been just moving forward ever since.

So, he has my support unequivocably, and the senior chief's too. The senior chief brought up one last thing this morning, saying that if we could get him into college full time he wouldn't go. But, the kid falls under the HOPE scholarship, so if that's what he wanted to do, he could easily do it. And, that's what he said when I brought it up.

What is strange about all this is we always talk about women having empty nest, but never do we talk about men having empty nest. And what I'm seeing is that it is not something that is unique to women alone and that it affects men pretty darn deeply too.

Who Knew?

I really didn't know that my teeth had such a profound affect on those around me. Interesting. See, I never gave it much thought. It was my cross to bear..it didn't occur to me that others around me might be feeling my pain.

My daughter comes home and demands of me...SMILE! Haha...and it's hard not to when she has such a beautiful smile and twinkling eyes herself. Today she's all about the cartwheel. Remember learning to do cartwheels when you were younger? I'm sure the guys don't but when I was a girl we all wanted to be gymnasts or figure skaters. We used to practice with our roller skates all the time. We got pretty good, too. Anyway, I did a cartwheel again today. My daughter acted like I was a GODDESS or something. There's something about the complete adoration of a child that makes you want to do stuff that just about kills you..haha! No more cartwheels for this lady for awhile. I did 2 just to see if I could. I still can, yay.

My mother in law is thrilled to death and checking her email so she can see the picture the senior chief took of me. She was THRILLED to hear that I actually put makeup on. She loves to dress me and make me look like a girl...LOL!!! It makes me feel like I'm really her daughter when she does stuff like that.

The senior chief claims that just looking at me gives him wood. What a goon. (But, I do love the thought!)

To say that I am thrilled is pretty much an understatement at this point.

Happy...