The Difference Between Men and Women

The difference in the way the male brain vs. the female brain works is illustrated by the following true experience.

When you go on a long trip and your end destination is a woman driven household, you will be greeted with a meal and some quiet conversation and a warm bed. When you go on a long trip and a man is at the destination what you get is a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses left on the counter. Oh, and a lime.

Same thought behind each action...love and concern for the mental health of the people that had to drive for 14 hours...but expressed in entirely different ways.

Oftentimes what happens between men and women is that the tokens are not recognized for what they are. I bitched for a half a day about the kid using my shot glasses and why on earth did he leave them full before I realized what the gesture meant.

Very cool...but it is worth our time to learn each other's language and to assume the best of people...

Let The Stories Begin

I'll start y'all off with the coolest one I heard. My oldest sister in law works at a hotel. She used to work for one of the big ones in Dallas but they laid her off a few years ago and then ironically had to hire 5 people to take care of all the stuff she was taking care of. She had opened that particular hotel like 30 years before.

Another interesting tidbit about that particular sister in law is that she was born on the exact same day and year as my father. So I always remember her birthday.

Anyway, the new hotel she works for is one of the historic ones. I really didn't know (I should have..duh) that those establishments have 'permanent' residents. This hotel has had a few permanent residents for a long time. Usually permanent residents have a ton of money, too. That puzzles me..why would they live in a hotel??? Anyway, Mr. Lay of Frito-Lay lives there...as does Mrs. Waverly of Waverly crackers. Mrs. Waverly is married to the man who invented the twist tie for bread packages and whatnot. Apparently Mr. Lay and Mrs. Waverly have been friends since way back and the Wavy Lays potato chips that you eat are named for Mrs. Waverly in honor of their friendship.

Now if that isn't very cool, I don't know what is!

Home Again!

Let me tell y'all...I'm spoiled rotton..rotton, I say. And tired. More later. I took my notebook to write a few things..

Damn Good Thing I'm Flexible

The kids decided they had waited long enough for the bus and asked me for a ride to school. Oh what a lovely trip that was. Icy, icy, icy. School is cancelled for the dumbest reason. Apparently, the roads around here froze last night. Why they didn't get salt and sand on all the bus routes is totally beyond me. I guess they thought it would have cleared up by now.

So, the boys are recruited for getting ready for our trip chores. They are happy because they didn't want to go to school in the first place...

It's treacherous out there. I'm not going out again until later. It's good where the sun is hitting the roads, but where the shade is, and there's a LOT of shade around here, the roads are black ice. Got a little sideways a couple of times coming down the hill right after I had been giving them a lecture about how if I were to wreck the truck, then I would get a speeding ticket even though I wasn't speeding because it's called going too fast for conditions.

No sooner did that sentence leave my lips than we started sliding down that hill and going sideways. Whew, that got the ol' adrenaline pumping, let me tell ya. But, no harm, no foul, since I wasn't going too fast for conditions...and they got a little driving lesson. I'm still riding that adrenaline rush, let me tell ya.

So, looks like I'm going to make a big pot of chili tonight so the husband and other two sons will have some supper tomorrow night and hit the road in the morning. There's another weather system supposed to be coming through...it looks like I'll miss it if I leave early enough tomorrow. It looks like it's going to stay south enough of us to not be a factor.

And, I'm going to the only green place left on the map. It's a good 15 degrees warmer where I'm going than it is here.

So, the kids are fed and watching tv happily. This is one of those times I really don't mind the tv being an electronic babysitter. I know that sounds horrible, but sometimes I just need to think and it's their vacation, so they should get to vacation. I have to make a list of stuff that I need for our picnic lunch to eat on the road.

My mother in law was just fine with us being a day late. She's been running her butt off all week and had company and Dr. appointments. She sounded tired last night and relieved because she got a little extra time to get ready. Tell her and tell her not to fuss, that I will help her with anything that needs doing...stubborn woman won't listen. Most of the time if I want her to rest, I just say..."Hey, I'm not 40 yet"...and she lets me do whatever..she's a patient lady and when I turn 40...well, let's just say I have to come up with a new answer, hehehe. And let me tell you, that woman has the eyes of a hawk. There is no getting lost in the crowd with her around. You might get a few minutes but don't assume you're getting it..she knows where you are, she knows what you're doing and sometimes she just chooses not to say anything. Sometimes she waits. She's smart like that.

And, I get an extra day to get ready and replenish my stocks of emergency food since we ate into it. I wasn't really ready yesterday. I would have been if I could have done laundry, but you know, sometimes shit just happens that way. Mother nature stuff doesn't even bother me. I know some people just get all kinds of pissed when it rains on their parade, to speak, but days like yesterday are days to just chill and watch it go by. It's only a problem if you don't have the supplies, which we did. The little ones already got up and went outside and froze this morning and came in for some hot chocolate.

So, here we are. I might think of some more to say before I go, but if I don't...everyone have a safe and happy holiday!

If I Could Get Out of the Driveway...

That's what my house looked like yesterday! Woo Hoo!

At 4:30am yesterday, my husband came up and gave me a goodbye kiss. He couldn't have gotten to the corner of the street before the power went out. And what is it with little ones when the power goes out? They know IMMEDIATELY. My daughter said it was because her fan went off and that woke her up, but whatever. As soon as the power goes off, I hear these two little voices..MOMMY..so I'm standing there, naked, in the dark, trying to soothe the little ones and buy myself enough time to get a t-shirt and underwear on. And I don't usually sleep naked for just that reason, I had made an exception the night before.

I don't usually sweat stuff like that because I always have emergency rations on hand. Just because we don't live in hurricane country anymore does not mean that shit won't happen. I don't know, I just feel more comfortable and relaxed knowing that I am prepared for an emergency. My oldest son got up early with me and helped me light all the candles. I have these wall sconces that he got me for my birthday and they look beautiful hanging on the wall all by themselves, but when you add candles, you quickly realize they put out a lot of light, too. And, they are up high so that no little kids can get to them. They had cold cereal for breakfast and I took a toodle around the block to check things out later in the morning and everything seemed good except our little area and since they had just gotten a tree off the road, I figured they'd get to it soon. At lunchtime, I took another drive around and noticed that less people than before had power. I thought I'd cheat and get dollar doublecheeseburgers at the burger joint. haha. I came home and broke out the camp stove and we had grilled cheese and tomato soup for lunch along with some hot chocolate. By this time, the boys had been outside with the hatchets and saws taking care of any of the trees that were blocking the drive or going to cause problems in other ways if not dealt with right away.

Just as soon as I got halfway done cooking lunch, they had the power back on. Isn't that just Murphy's Law for ya? I was glad because I had a whole bunch of sandwiches to make and was only able to make them one at a time.

So, all the stuff that I was supposed to do yesterday to get ready to leave today, I have to do today to leave tomorrow. With 2 little kids in tow. The older ones have to go to school today to finish up exams. They aren't very happy about it, until I explained to them that if they didn't take them, they wouldn't have as good a vacation because it would be there on the back of their minds the whole time. Better to get that stuff out of the way, then you can really relax. They know I'm right and it did help that they get to sleep in a bit.

Here when the sun comes up and stuff melts off a bit I'm going to wander on down to the grocery store and get our trip munchies and some soda and load up the truck and perhaps we'll get this thing done tomorrow.

Feels Like Monday

I hit the floor running this morning. The little ones had parties and I forgot to get dip for one, so we were up and at the grocery store as soon as it opened this morning. It's half days at school, so I have to go to the high school and pick up the other two after lunch. I have to make a list of stuff I need for the trip to Texas and begin doing the laundry. Tomorrow I am going to pack up the truck and Friday at OhDarkThirty (4-4:30am) we're going to hit the road.

My husband has been aching lately and a little withdrawn. I was a little worried last night but we found some time to sit and chat a bit.

He started the conversation reminiscing about some gal his mom fixed him up with years ago. That didn't really have anything to do with anything...it was just a period of time in life that was a little freer for him. Anyway, both of us are kind of spontaneous people and one thing that really goes with more people is the ability to be spontaneous. So, he has a certain need for a road trip too and now he's starting to look forward to the one he and my 19 year old are taking next week, the same that I'm looking forward to mine on Friday. He's looking forward to eating meat on a stick for a week or Big Macs or whatever. They like my cooking and all, but I honestly cannot remember when my husband actually got the house to himself or very nearly for any length of time. I think it's funny that we both feel the same way, only different. We talked a little about how nice it would be to be able to be spontaneous together. Having all these kids, that's just a side to our relationship we've never been able to explore. We just might sell the house and go permanently RVing after we've got all these kids gone.

Who I wouldn't want to be next week, is my oldest son. He didn't ensure that he could get the time off from work to be able to make this trip and my husband is upset about that. He says he has a whole week to get him set on a direction and no, I am not going to get him a Christmas present, and no I'm not going to stress and bake him some cookies..I can bring him back presents and a package from Texas. Yessir...LOL!!! The boy needs to move out and he needs a little nudge in the right direction. And, not in a negative way either...he is just so full of pride, he doesn't really keep us very informed on things. Like, for instance, part of the reason he's stayed at his dead end job for so long is because they keep promising to make him manager of the other branch they have. Well, hell, if I'd have known that I would have told him the next time they said that to ask them when this was going to happen and wait that long and then start looking. But, he wants to make us proud by waiting and coming home with the big news of a promotion...see where I'm going with this? So, they're going to wade through all that crap and get him on a program. A week of Dad boot camp. Hmmm. I guess it's just a guy thing.

I guess the ex got informed that she wasn't getting any visitors this time and she reacted predictably. I hate it that she does that to them and I always will. However, my obligation to her is done. I'm there for the kids to vent if they need to talk about it and to reassure them I do not give a damn what she thinks of me, that it doesn't hurt my feelings, so don't let it bother them..and just feel sorry for her. After the conversation, my oldest son came to me and told me that he told her he was going to Texas and could I please verify that story with her if asked. I won't lie to her, but I'll make sure I'm not in a position to be asked as well. I guess he was the one that got the brunt of the bitch fest and she has not figured out yet that all that does is make that kid love me more. He is always extra sweet to me after he has any kind of contact with his mother. I used to dream of the day that I could tell her off, but I've told her off over the years and apparently she just didn't listen and now, screw it, let her figure out by herself what she's doing wrong. All the other ones are extra sweet too, as a matter of fact.

And that's not to say that I have not had negative things to say about her over the years..but I didn't trash talk her and I always made sure I was angry with her because of whatever she had done that week to hurt their feelings. She didn't get away with stuff, I just taught them now to deal with it by understanding that it was going on. I was criticized often for 'giving them too much information' but I HAD to..no way was I going to take the blame for stuff SHE did..hell, I was making enough mistakes on my own.

It struck me last night that the stand I am taking in my personal life is a good one because it has enabled him to take a stand in his....a lot sooner than I was ever able to and she treats him worse than I was ever treated. Perhaps as a result, he will be saved a lot more pain in his adult years. As a parent, you cannot be a hypocrite and when they were younger and confused, I always told them that NOBODY has the right to treat you that way. I cannot allow myself to continue to be treated that way, and then tell them that they should stand up for their beliefs, right? There were a lot of times I didn't feel comfortable with her state of mind and before she got to see them on a regular basis, there were things she had to satisfy to ease mine and my husband's mind. They saw me fight with everyone equally on their behalf and for the issues I felt strongly about. Their mother was just one of many at that time. But seeing me stand up for myself has made the biggest difference.

The oldest one has indicated that he's ready to move too, he's just not sure how to go about it. He does need to have a better job first and they'll be able to make a plan and get him going in the right direction. Hey, this is cool, because it used to be me helping him do stuff so that he could get praise from his dad and now it's the other way around. There IS a time where you get to be the good guy...hooray!!! He's done a lot of thinking and maturing in the last couple of months since we had the big blowout with him. He's gotten on board with a lot of things. But, he's starting to backslide again and now is the time to stop it. He sees that we're stressed and doesn't want to add his stress to it. He needs to stop that because family stress is family stress and if we all share it, it really does lessen everybody's stress level. Then, he gets depressed because he can't solve his own problems, and he'd like to be able to help out with some things around here that are nagging us so it's nice that my husband is going to have the time to give him some individual attention to ease some of these worries for him and give him some specific things he needs to do to get on the right track and then he'll get moving. He's just got too much stuff cluttering up his mind right now.

The resounding theme that I see over and over again through my experiences is that light truly does defeat darkness and that love truly does overcome hate. The power of love is strong, especially when it's a collective love..you cannot be untouched by it. You are forever changed by it. If you can find it in your heart to love your enemy, then you will reap great rewards. It's true. You don't have to like them, you don't have to have them in your lives necessarily. I can say that I have found love in my heart for my husband's ex wife. Sincerely. When I spoke of the children on how to deal with her, I spoke from a loving place, an understanding place of where I would be if I were her. I know what her triggers are and I avoid them and if I can't then I let them know that I've tripped one and to be prepared for it. I wish with all my heart that she would just love them for who they are and just be nice to them. I wish that she could experience the joy of their love and the miracles it brings. Even when she's with them, she is so focused on all the time that she isn't that she doesn't even feel it then. And, she won't even take the time off from work to be with them when they are there.

Finally, I am at a point in my life where I can look back over the years of questions and indecision and agonizing and see which choices were the good ones and which weren't so good. (Homeschooling for a year is on the list of crappy ones.)And so I leave you with this thought:

Love is stronger than hate. Let us all learn to love unreservedly and freely, even when it may not be returned.

Burnin' Up the Wires

Yes, indeed. The emails are flying, plans are being made, shopping is being done and the whole family is abuzz with the excitement of our upcoming visit.

Being in a large family was a lot for me to get used to. I have a very small family and we didn't really keep to many formalities.

After I learned how to get along in the crowd, I have learned that I absolutely love it. I have the same standards for things at my house, but being the only woman, it's a big damn job. When I go to Texas, it's always a vacation because of the sheer amount of women that are there to share with the cooking, the cleaning, the thinking. My husband commented one time that shopping really was a job, that women were CONSTANTLY shopping, which is not to be confused with spending money.

You know one of the worst things you can do to a woman is to find a store in her territory that sells something cheaper.

And she loves to dress me up and that's very cool, too! She's the one that gave me the drop dead dress for graduation! I've even caught her defending me and I know there's not too many daughter in laws that can say that.

This is the first time I've ever gone by myself and it's so wierd because everybody's excited just like it was my husband coming, even though he's coming later. That just feels grand, you know?

Anyway, it's just a lot more fun in Texas where all the women are. Everybody knows what their responsibilities are and things flow like a smooth running machine. The stuff we put out on the table for the men to eat and ooh and ahh over is the pride of all of us. Together we are putting forth our best effort and it shows, let me tell ya.

I like it that my mother in law sees me as a woman and not a kid. We have so much fun together and we're really a lot alike, except for the age difference. If we were the same age, we'd be raising hell together, you better believe it. I have a new flavor of Smirnoff for her to try this time, and a new kind of tomato for her to try. We cook stuff in the kitchen and when she gets too tired, she lets me run her out of the kitchen to go visit with her grandkids and trusts me to finish up. Both her and my father in law saw the Camaro and were telling stories about his first one and reminiscing. I think it comforted them to see him with a hot rod for some reason.

I love it how everybody pulls together in a crisis. With as many elderly people as there are, there is always a crisis of some kind. And these people are not sit on the rocking chair and watch the world go by kind of people, they are get up and go, go, go people so we have one aunt and uncle who have both had both of their knees replaced. Our uncle fell off the back of the RV trying to wash the roof or something and our aunt fell off the ladder twice trying to clean the ceiling. Oh yeah. And Dad has been caught on the roof, up in the attic, you name it...all kinds of places he's not supposed to be doing all kinds of stuff he's not supposed to be doing...man, these people are almost worse than little kids, but not really.

So, my husband and his cousin were talking on the phone and I can only hear my husband's half of the conversation but his response was this.."At least I can keep my Mom off a ladder, too bad you can't say the same."

And, his sisters aren't any spring chickens either. His sisters are my parents age. There is a big age difference between my husband and his sisters. So, his sister has a daughter my age.

And that causes problems because I have more status within the hierarchy because of my level of responsibility and the fact that I fit in with the big picture. So, my nieces get a little upset because they don't have the same clout as me even though the age difference is negligible. With my mother in law it's really easy, though. Just STFU and do things her way. So what if she saves her plastic sandwich baggies. Rinse them bitches out and put them where she tells you. I'm so fine with that. Others think it's eccentric and throw things away or just do things their way behind her back. They think she doesn't notice...but what they don't notice is her staying up til midnight putting her kitchen back the way she wants it. And mumbling under her breath..LOL!

And me, I just go around and help people do the things they want. And I learn. I learn so much on these trips. We are usually so rushed; this is going to be a nice long visit.

Y'all can't tell I'm excited or anything, can ya?

Like A Festering Wound

This post isn't going to be full of my usual light and happiness. It's another one of those epiphanies, only this one isn't so pretty..

Part of the reason I feel so much anger towards my mother..there are times that I have gone so far as to say hatred is because no matter how much I give of myself it's just an excuse to put me down further.

We, as a family, have done for my mother exactly what we are planning to do for our people in Texas. We went, slept on the floor, couches and my oldest son slept in the van. We cleaned the garage out, and I cooked Thanksgiving dinner for 10 people unassisted. The kindest word I got from my mother is that if Rick hadn't made an honest woman out of me, I'd have been nothing but a welfare mom with 6 kids. I graciously pointed out to her that 3 of the kids were Rick's and she said, that doesn't matter, you'd have found 3 others. Needless to say, that is part of the reason we don't go there.

Another reason is because the whole burden of my father's death rides on my shoulders. His last hope was an old medication that they brought back into cirulation because it was found to cut off the blood supply to brain tumors. The whole purpose of my visit was to help them decide whether or not to continue this treatment or not. What I saw when I got there was that the side effects were causing his quality of life to be worse than the tumor. In order for him to qualify for hospice care, he couldn't be undergoing any life saving treatments. The whole decision rode on my shoulders. So, now I feel like I am the cause of my father's death. What if he had continued the treatment for just a little while longer? What the hell did I know and why was I the one that had to make that decision?

Such is the example of all major events in life. I was put into positions to make decions that I was in no way qualified to make and why would anyone want to do that to a child. It's like I've been a mother to my mother all my life. She didn't have one, so she made me it, I guess. But, whatever, it just pisses me off.

What Every Mother Wants For Christmas

That's what I'm giving my mother in law for Christmas this year. That thing every mother wants, especially mothers of active children. Y'all know what I mean, right?

That's right...a clone, or the nearest thing to a clone that I can be. We do have to draw the line somewhere. I mean someone there to prepare the food to the standard to which she's accustomed, at the times in which she's accustomed to having them served and have the place clean afterword.

Christmas around here is a lot about the spiritual. All the older ones of us work real hard to put a smile on the faces of the younger ones and to do something extra special for each other.

When we are here for Christmas, we usually invite the neighbors over and we have a few frosty beverages out while we all toil like the good little elves we are. Overheard last year was my oldest son saying.."Hey you guys, no wonder you're having trouble, you aren't supposed to drink the beer until AFTER you have the stuff put together...what would y'all do without me to bail you out all the time?" And then he proceeded to put together this 185 piece doll house.

At Mom's house, it will be much the same, only it's my husband and his sisters. My niece and grandniece are going to be there when we get there. We are the same age..she's got some new girly drink for me to try..it's going to be fun.

My father in law's birthday is right before Christmas and this year we get to be there. I don't know, if I'd have kicked the grim reaper in the teeth as many times as this man has, I'd be celebrating big time!!! I think we need to make sure that happens for him. He always gets kind of screwed over for his birthday since it's so close to Christmas. I hope it's very special to them both.

I am so very happy to be able to do something and make a difference for these people. They got a phone call one day from my husband announcing that he got remarried. Anybody who doesn't understand that divorce affects a whole family...well, trust me it affects every single member. So, getting acquainted was awkward and I had a lot of growing up to do 10 years ago. They took a half-wild, belligerent, sassy girl and turned her into a confident woman with some love, a few ass chewings and presence. Whenever we needed them, they were here. They were parents. It threw me at first because of my own experiences with my own family. After awhile, I got with the program and I am so grateful for them and for what they have done that to have an opportunity to do back is a true honor for me. My husbands sisters don't understand. They think I'm a suck up. But, I'm not...I'm just grateful and I express my gratitude and my love by doing.

This is going to be a Christmas to remember forever.

Morning Ramblings

It is morning tradition in our house to watch the news while preparing for school and work. It has information that is necessary to have before leaving. You know, weather, traffic, some madman running around loose in the city shooting people at random..you know, news.

Well, I usually watch Fox 5 because they're upbeat and I like a little fluff to go with my blood and guts in the morning.

Anyway, they were doing a preview for their Healthwatch and I wasn't paying attention really to what they were saying, I was making sure people had coats, hats, homework, lunch money, breakfast...you know, being a mom...anyway, my daughter pauses by the tv on her way by and says "Healthwatch, it sounds like Deathwatch." I had to laugh, I really did because she's just really outspoken like that. She's a hoot to be around but she's honest. Man, I love her, let me tell ya. It's good to have a comrade in this house full of testosterone. And, like me, most of the time, she's good with it, just every now and then, she just wants to be left the hell alone...

She's very decisive about things, too. I'm really enjoying watching her grow up. I was brushing her hair this morning and was commenting that she needs a little trim because it's finally long enough to even up good from the time before last that she cut it. I said, See, if you could have waited just a little while longer, you wouldn't have these..and I pulled at the little stubbies that are on the front of her head that she just whacked off one day because it was in her face. And you know what, it actually doesn't look that bad and she's not even sorry..those hairs were unnecessary in her opinion and if they fall on her face and bug her again, she's going to do it again. I have got to take a picture of this. It's funny as hell. She has this fascination with hair bows, though and likes her hair long, except for that one part and she just looks at me all puzzled like when I give her crap about it..like, geez, mom what's the big deal. Hey, it's her hair, if it doesn't bug her, then who am I to say anything.

All kids do stuff with their hair I think. My advice to parents is to just let them. If you let them, then you might not have to deal with piercings. Some people are of the mind that if you let a kid do one thing, then they are going to push the envelope and want more and more. Well, they are...they want to be adults, it's what they are supposed to do. If you give in on a few of the things that don't really matter...like hair..then you can actually have more say on the things that do matter like piercings and tattoos..or whatever your particular issues might be. My oldest son wanted to be blond for awhile..I let him...he quit that when he had to pay for it. The only person allowed to have anything pierced was my daughter and she insisted on that for her birthday, walked right up to the place, didn't flinch, and has religiously taken care of them. I've seen some of those kids with their faces all pierced up and you know when they get to making out that shit's gonna get all tangled up..ugh...and then if you aren't religious with cleaning that stuff, it gets all infected ..ugh...and there's a reason for that..YOUR BODY IS REJECTING THE FOREIGN OBJECT! The only cure is to take the damn thing out. I was very impressed with my daughter's responsibility with taking care of those ears. All her little friends have had their ears pierced twice because they let the holes close up and whatnot. She isn't really vain about her appearance and she doesn't seem very interested in makeup at this point but she does like to change her earrings every day, she does like to have the fancy hair bows, and, she likes her fingernail polish. That's it. She doesn't like dresses, she prefers jeans and she likes cool shirts. She likes to climb trees and run and she can hoola hoop like there's no tomorrow. Man, she's the hula hoop queen as far as I am concerned. I have stood with her outside having a conversation with her and she's been hoola hooping the whole time. Then my husband comes out and says...OH! Betcha can't WALK and hoola hoop...and oh yes she can...LOL!!!

And oh, my does this girl worship her daddy! And her brothers..all of them.

If only I could get her to clean her room. This morning we were doing her hair and she lost her socks right in front of her because there was so much clutter on her dresser. I said.."Well, that's why I want you to have your room clean, so you can see what's right in front of you." And the time it took her to get ready for school because she had to search for stuff, we didn't get to read a story this morning. Ouch. They like to have time for morning story time.

I actually think everybody is starting to get with the program now. I hope. It would appear that I am seeing some signs of progress, anyway. They really have to understand the value of it before they can be convinced of it's necessity sometimes. I might just have to task someone with a stop watch to clock just exactly how much time is lost searching for things. See, this is the part of being a mother I like...teaching them things so they really get them. And, doing it in a fun way. You gotta get them when they are young and you can never let up..consistancy is the key..and you have to keep trying different methods until you see the light bulb come on and THEN you gotta run with it.

But, we're fixing to spend 2 whole weeks at Grandma's house and let me tell ya, my husband's parents are organized. Everything is labeled, in a spot and that's been the spot forever and a day. You know where the object goes because there's an empty spot where it used to be. I love it. There is structure there that I find just very soothing. I cannot even hope to emulate it at this point in our lives. We have too many changing variables, but I do certainly learn how to do something more efficiently while I'm there. My daughter is a quicker study than I am, I am sure we'll be able to come up with a way to organize her room that makes it easier for her to clean. Stuff like that just doesn't come easy to me..any of the creative stuff. You'd think that since I'm a woman, it would, but it doesn't. It comes easier to my husband. I don't see it til I'm in the middle of it, I have to be doing in order to see. He can have a vision of what it should look like and make stuff look beautiful. Old stuff, even..it's amazing, I tell ya.

I'm just a practical person. I'm all about practicality. So, when I talk about getting a kitchen organizer for my birthday, or a cookbook...I'm so thrilled, you have no idea. I have every intention of turning my kitchen into a professional one over the years. If he can have all the best tools in the garage, it's only fair that I get all the best tools in the kitchen. He's pretty much in agreement with that, too, because he's seen what a couple of good sharp professional knives have gotten him and the roaster frees up my oven so that I can have all kinds of yummy stuff..and so on and so forth. The electric skillet and the griddle were kick ass, too! But, see when I go buy a springform pan to make a homemade cheesecake in, I'm gonna get some gratitude! And, the fact that I can drive warmly and safely to Texas in a reliable vehicle...I love this part of being married too. Coming together for a common cause, combining your talents to fight off evil and spread goowill...it really just doesn't get any better than this!

Y'all Come And Get It

Alrighty, suppers on. Last night I cooked a spiral ham and I used some of the injected marinade that came with the turkey kit that I got and it was yummy! So, that means today is the day to make a big 'ol pot of beans using the leftover ham and ham bone. They've been on since last night just cooking away with some onions and seasonings. They aren't Vidalia onions, but they'll do. I'll probably add just a little salsa a little later on here.

Accompanying the beans will be rice and cornbread. The rice is a Himalayan brand. I honestly got it originally because it wasn't some minute rice, and wasn't a 50 lb sack. Now, I buy it because it's some damn good rice. It is very fragrant and aromatic. It's a long grained rice.

The cornbread is a good recipe too. I don't really follow recipes, per se. I use one as a guideline and add and subtract ingredients as I see fit. This one has real corn in it and the kids absolutely adore it.

So, while I'm cooking, I'm cleaning the carpets, and I'm drinking some coffee. I hate coffe..but this is special coffee, it has a little mudslide mix in it..God love my husband for coming home and fixing me that before he took his nap!

In the background is the cable music channel playing some old country music. The kids are studying, the little ones are trashing their bedroom making some kind of fort and the husband is deeply immersed in HP4 because he really wants to see the movie on the IMAX..LOL!!

Tomorrow the beans will be turned into this southwestern dish ..Taco Soup...excellent recipe, feeds a lot. I love it when I can plan my meals like that and have them be completely different each night using the same ingredients and leftovers. Makes me feel like I'm truly a domestic goddess! Something about me being in the kitchen does something for my husband, too...hehehe!

No wonder I like to cook so much!

Taco Bell

Ok, this wierd thing has been happening to me for a while. I get really horny when I eat Taco Bell food. And it's not because it's Mexican food because I eat regular Mexican food a lot and other spicy stuff..it's only Taco Bell.

My husband, he ain't complaining at all..he just wants to have Taco Bell a lot more..LOL!!

Finally it hit me as I was eating a burrito the other day reading the sauce packets lined up in front of me. See, they have these sayings on them now, kind of like the oatmeal packets, only it's just jokes.

It would tend to reason when the packets read

Heads.. (this one should be "head"...)
Nice palm. I read a great deal of pleasure in your future.
When I grow up, I want to be a waterbed.
You had me at taco.
Careful, I don't do well under pressure.

Oh, and unrelated ..or maybe related, depending upon just how twisted you are...
Bike tires scare me.

Think I could be a candidate for hypnosis? Yeah, me too..

Epiphanies

They can be good, they can reveal solutions to problems, answers to questions, all kinds of stuff.

However, you can't always control the epiphany or what direction it takes. Some are a painful process and just burst forth like some festering wound needing to be cleansed. Some come more gradually, especially if the wound is particularly raw, like a rug burn or a road rash.

I had one yesterday while in a discussion with my husband that was good and bad, I guess. Once you have new knowledge, then you have the responsibility to deal with it, right? Most of the time with me, I have the problem with absolutely no clue of how to solve the problem or even where to start. So, here we go winging it again.

Freedom. Are any of us truly free? Really, I find myself balking at the ties that bind so often. I don't mean the husband and kids...I mean...just obligations.

You see, the discussion around the family right now is that everyone is worried about Mom. Understandably so. She's stressed the hell right out and having to nurse my father in law. She is also very high strung like me..in other words, yes, she knows he's gonna die someday, but it's not going to be while she's off with her friends or something. She has decided to forgo all of her social activities and church activities unless she has someone there who will stay with Dad. I don't see a problem with her decision or why she's making it. They have been married for something like 65 years. My solution is to just go there and while I'm there, make sure she gets to do some of those things. The daughters are worried because she is so socially active and because she does get so depressed about things and being around people helps her keep her perspective. I can understand that point of view too.

Here's the deal..if I were Mom, I would be making the same decisions for the same reasons. I'm high strung like that too and shit ain't happening on my watch. I just am that uptight. It's because since I was 5 years old I have been chasing after one male or another trying to keep some reason in mind. My brother was the most accident prone kid I've ever known.

When he was a baby, he slept in some snap together stroller that made into a bed. Somehow he had managed to unsnap two of the snaps and his head was sticking in between it and he was blue. My mother came out right after that and chewed my ass out royally. From there it never stopped. I was two feet behind him when he got hit by his first car. Two feet behind him when he got bit by the snake. Two feet behind him when he got hit again. Right under him trying to catch him when he fell off the 30 ft. slide....get my drift? Do you think he listens to me to this day..no.

Point being, I am who I am because of who I have had to be all these years. People tell me, just like they tell my mother in law, that we should be more relaxed..but it just ain't going to happen.

I'm a bit angry about this, I have to confess because I WANT to be other things. I wanted to be able to be other things..but I was only allowed and given the opportunity to be certain things...for my own good. The one thing I always wanted and never got...was freedom..freedom to grow as a person..freedom to grow as a daughter..etc. Now, I know the reason..that's because she didn't want to grow. Our relationship couldn't grow as I grew because she didn't want to grow anymore.

For example, I had been in the Navy for 3 years, had a 4 month old baby, orders in hand to Newfoundland, 6 days to get there and my parents were going to forbid me to go. Right. They (my mother)had plans to sabotage me going, get me somehow out of the Navy...she will deny this, but I am telling you, I honestly believe my Dad talked her out of it. It was bad enough that they stole my car when I had my baby. They stole. my. car. Yes. I was so pissed, I couldn't believe it. I was 22 years old, had my OWN apartment, my own furniture ..my own car..all bought with my own money..I had not lived with them since I was 19, even though I was still in the same city..and they stole my car because they thought I wasn't going to follow doctor's orders and that I was going to drive before my staples were out (c-section)and felt like this was justification. God, do you know this is one of those things I love about my husband...they had that same discussion with him when my daughter was born (c-section again) while sitting on their (her) asses at the birthday party we were throwing 4 days after she was born for her brother. Oh yes. Rick and I did all the cooking and whatnot while she sat and did crossword puzzles...or whatever...I just remember her not helping...and bitching that I was going to drive too soon. He knew I wouldn't endanger the kids and the only place I would go would be to the damn grocery store. Hell, I broke him out of the hospital when he had his hip replacement, took him on a tour of Portsmouth and got him back before the meds wore off...

There is a part of me that is a wild person that has been caged all her life...that part shows itself with restlessness and I believe is the source of my depression. I can remember the first real big fight I had with my husband was over an issue like that. My dad was in the hospital, just having had part of his lung removed, and I went to visit him. We talked for a long time and I stayed as long as he was awake. he was alert after that surgery. The brain surgery sucked, but the lung surgery took longer, partly because other than the cancer, he was in top health. Anyway, my husband thought I should have been home before dark, or supper...I don't recall making any such obligation. He called me up in the hospital room, my dad got this twinkle in his eye and he said, "You're going to have to take that up with her.." and I could tell they were having some damn male bonding moment...and then my husband made his fatal error..he called me selfish....WTF???? And the tone of his voice was like he found me hanging in the local pub hitting on the town drunk. I was all good with hearing that perhaps he would like for me to be home before dark, or whatever..in the future..but to start namecalling..that drug that fight out for about two weeks before I got what he was trying to say and he got what I was trying to say...whew.

He hasn't changed and I guess I have a little. I was like a little wild thing when he first met me. I needed to be tamed..but like cats, there's always just going to be that little part of me that balks at the overprotectiveness and the restrictions that males place on their women for the sake of safety and then turn around and call us scaredy cats. I'm just sayin'!

So, for a lot of my life, people controlled pretty much every part of me. Except my thoughts and they didn't censor my reading material too much. Then there was the 7 years I got to spend alone, and as a single parent. I was definitely a wild thing, to a degree, then. People thought I didn't have enough fear. What people don't understand is that I have LOTS of fear...but my answer to fear is to confront it head on, and my family I guess, does not understand that approach. I used to be afraid of guns, I learned to shoot one...fear is a good thing. It teaches us respect. We are instinctual creatures, we need to listen to our fear but not be ruled by it.

I have to attribute so much of my healing and calming to my husband's presence in my life and the way we connected. I would not be who I am today without his thoughts and influence. In 10 short years, I don't know how to think as one person anymore. Sometimes it scares me a lot because I see what happens to the women in my family when their husband's die and I don't want that but I don't know how to stop it...see? Or, I'd rather die first..and that's a rather depressing thought isn't it?

I like to joke and say that I'm a bachelorette who has just been married 10 years. But, it changes you...learning to depend upon someone...it brings it's own problems and fears that you didn't consider when you were alone, just wishing for that special connection with someone, someone to share things with..a best friend, lover ..all that...

How in the hell do you learn to live without a part of yourself? Til death do us part, right? Well, gotdamn, when someone rips your arm off it fucking hurts. I guess you get used to not having it after awhile...

I would have to say that if something horrible were to happen to my husband, I would not remarry. Not because I don't believe that I can love again...I have a lot of love in my heart..but because I just don't think I could take the effort it takes to put into a relationship...all the work, all the compromise. I would want a Friday or Saturday night boyfriend, I think. Get together for a good dinner, conversation, movie, sex...and then go home. Have a standing date kind of thing. The rest of the time would be spent exploring the wild side...do stuff I always wanted to do but couldn't because so many people depend upon me to keep myself safe. Some days I really hate safe. I understand it's necessity, but I hate it.

Oh yeah, I know what triggered this. I got to drive the hot rod last night. It's been so long I had almost forgotten how it felt. It all came rushing back, the love I have for that car and how much I miss driving it every day. As soon as I fired the engine, and the cd came on..stairway to heaven..and it just filled the car with sound, the 8-cyl just thrum, thrumming along..Camaros kind of have that hollow sound...firebirds too..not sure what causes the uniqueness of that sound, I would actually like to know. It just hugs the ground and follows my thoughts. The whole world narrows right down when I'm in the car. I forget there was kids in the car, it's just me and the car and the music...and I'm pissed because I want to be a race car driver so bad, never have I had this thirst...and I can't because ..well we already discussed the why's of that. That's what I would do, I would be a race car driver...bet your sweet ass I would. See, the kids don't have hangups like that..they still think the risks are worth the payoffs at their stage in life. Having teenaged boys does give me a bit of an outlet through them. I can listen to their stories and share in their excitement while giving them tips on how to do things safer...it works.

So, hence my love of the road trip. It's a compromise and win-win-win for everybody.

Road Trip

What do the words 'road trip' conjure up for you? For me, it's a sense of freedom, a sense of adventure, a break from the daily monotony.

Being housebound most of the time, road trips over the years have been the balm that soothes the irritation. And I don't mean family vacations or family trips, that doesn't count as a road trip. If my husband and I ever get to go somewhere just the two of us...then THAT will be a road trip.

Some people associate road trips with no destination in mind and a lot more adventure than I am describing and while I do live vicariously through those people, and I wish I were like them...in my heart I am...but life has made it so my adventures are largely exaggerated and few and far between.

When I was young and single, I was never at home. I had a new place to go or see every time I was off. I spent a lot of time in the mountains of Virginia or fishing off of Cape Hatteras.

When I became a mother at age 22, my road trips changed a bit. They had a little more planning, a little more stuff to accommodate a child, but they still happened. During the warmer months, we would take a trip once a month to St. John's and do the round of fast food. We'd hit McD's for lunch, get a pizza to take home and one to freeze, and then Dairy Queen on the way out.

Once I got back to the States, the road trips were more like afternoon outings, but still, they happened. We went to the beach, we went bowling, we went to the movies, we just went.

Now, with more people to be responsible for, more expenses, less time, the road trips just don't happen anymore. They stopped pretty much when my husband had to go on the road for work. So sometimes I would drive to Atlanta from Va. but I've done that drive so many damn times, I could do it blindfolded. Sometimes I go for months only going to the grocery store or to do errands. Seriously. But, whenever the opportunity presents itself, I'm game! Well, not anytime, I guess. Part of what makes a road trip a road trip is the spontaneity of it

The last road trip I took was about 2 or 3 years ago in Jan. to N.C. to deal with a family illness. I had the opportunity to detour through Kannapolis and look for a party, but as I had little dude and I hit that area about 2am, I just kept on. It was fun for a little while anyway.

Finally, though, I get to take another road trip. I am so excited I could almost burst. Hey, I am so thoroughly protected these days that they forget that I need to get out and stretch my limits, too, just like them. So, it was agreed that I may drive to Texas since I am going to have two of the older, bigger boys with me. My 17 yr old is 6'4" or 6'5"...quite a deterrent for most people wondering what he's made of. Most people look at him and go..."Ahhh...skip it."

So, the kids and I are going to East Texas next week! We're going to hang out with the in-laws and have a hell of a time. There will be no blogging for like 2 weeks, but I'll have a ton of stories when I get back, for sure! And hopefully, pictures.

Apparently, the WHOLE family is getting together for Christmas this year. This could include as many as 22 people spanning 5 generations. I'm taking my notebook with me so that I can record some stories for my mother in law. I kind of have to do it on the sly though or she'll block up..LOL! She's got some stories to tell...I love hearing them. I am so excited I could just burst.

Hell Yeah!

My Achin' Ass Indeed

Everybody knows women are obsessed with their asses. I am no different. As far as asses go, it's a pretty good one, I think.

It's nice and round but very suseptible to blogger spreading, so I have to excercise in proportion to sitting.

I have had many occasions to be grateful for the girth of my ass and yesterday was one of those days.

I had gathered up all of my belongings to go and take a shower. I set everything down, turned the water on and got in the shower. Then, I realized that all the shampoo and stuff I brought up with me..was still sitting on the back of the toilet. So, out of the shower I get, over to pick up the shampoo, conditioner, and whatever girly soap I got this time.

I open the shower door, step in and both feet promptly go out from under me. I landed half in the shower and half out with my ass falling directly on the doorway of the shower door. There is that strip of metal that pokes up there as a door stop. Ow. Does anyone else ever experience denial in the middle of a fall? It goes like this..I am not falling down, ...Oh, yes you are...Oh, shit, that's gonna hurt later. Later? It hurts NOW? (Cuz you're really not sure yet.) And then your brain automatically starts assessing the damage..to see how bad it should really hurt.

Yep, I can get up. Oh, good, the soap bottles didn't break! Why does my elbow hurt...oh, rug burn. That sucks.

So, I gathered up all my stuff from the floor, went back into the bedroom to chill for just a minute...immediately take some ibuprofen and a magnesium (I'm going to do a whole essay on the essentiality of magnesium for you non-believers out there.) Then I start to look in the mirror to see if there's a bruise, etc, which there's not.

At this point, is when my husband walks in. How ridiculous that must have looked to him to see me standing there naked trying to look at my ass in the mirror. He grins, and says, "It's perfect, what's your problem?" He tried really hard not to laugh when I told him.

See, if it would have been him, we would have been at the hospital and that would have really sucked.

Today, my ass aches, but there doesn't appear that there's going to be a surface bruise. Once again, I have to say, I love my ass and I'm grateful for it.

Who knew taking a simple shower could be so frought with danger? Bah, I like my danger with a little adrenaline rush with it, personally...but, I'm still grateful for my ass.

Solutions

It was there in the back of my mind, lurking, waiting to be discovered, the solution to the problem at hand.

I don't know when or how it formulated into a hard core plan, but it did, without me even knowing it.

How do I know it's the solution? It's the weakening of the knees that comes from having so much weight let off of them. You know, you bend those knees and throw that weight off. It's the calmness of mind, the peace that is there at the very thought. It's the knowledge that everybody wins and no extra burdens are placed anywhere, just the existing ones are shifted a little.

It is a family who loves reacts. Everybody shifts a little and it all gets done.

It's the knowledge that I will get to DO something to affect a change, to help, to give back to those who have given to me for so long, unconditionally accepting me into their family. It's a chance to honor my elders who have sacrificed before me, a way to say thank you.

I also got a new book last night...the new one by Anne Rice. From a writing perspective, I would say that it is a VERY ambitious project but I am looking forward to seeing her perspective on things. Later, perhaps, I will do a review. Hell, I promised a review on the Half Blood Prince, too, but I'm still thinking about it. I kind of do that..

A new book helps me loosen my mind to work on solutions to other problems. I wish I could meditate but I can't, the more I try, the tighter I get..but reading works like nothing else, so ..cool. I think that is why I was able to find some peace of mind and a solution.

Looks like we're going to have a Texas kind of Christmas this year!! I am so very excited about being able to accomplish this and even better than I imagined. Thank You Lord, for answering my prayers. Amen.

Well. Hell. Again.

Life just has this habit of going on and on and on whether you want it to slow down and take a pause for awhile or not. It would be nice to slow down time just a little at this point in my life.

For once it would be nice to know what to say when the moment occurred instead of realizing what I SHOULD have said as soon as I hung up the phone. Well, I couldn't have said what it would have taken to make the individual feel better anyway because it would have been a lie, and I can't just lie like that.

My father in law had another mini-stroke Thursday and they're keeping him in the hospital for the weekend. Apparently, the week of Thanksgiving, he was looking healthier and was more active than he had been in a long time. And now this.

I am in a rather unique position in the family. The only other person who has lost anyone close in their lives has been my mother in law. Think about it. I am the only one besides her whose lost a father or grandparents and my nieces are very close to me in age, the youngest one being 10 years younger than me, the oldest one having a birthday in the same week as me.

I had this very wierd dream right after we got back from our last visit and it was just me and my father in law having a discussion. I don't remember the particulars of the conversation, only the coming away with the understanding of the circle of life and that death isn't a bad thing, just different. It was a peaceful feeling and the only part of the conversation I remember is when I 'got' it, I distinctly remember going "OOOOOH" and him grinning and saying.."Yes, hold on to that because that is the whole message." and then I woke up. Anyway, I pay attention to my dreams and that perspective that it's going to be ok has just stayed with me.

Anyway, so my oldest niece called last night and was understandably upset and I didn't know what to say...I really don't. He's a fighter and he's tough and he's ok this time and we should be grateful for that. But the fact is, at his age, one time he's not going to be ok and there's not a damn thing we can do about it. That's not a very comforting thought, now is it. The truth just isn't comforting, but if you're able to face the truth, then it makes life just so much easier to deal with, even the death part.

But, with all firsts, and when they come so much later in life that isn't the thing to say. See, that's my problem. I don't know what to say. I can't tell her it's going to be ok, because it's not eventually. He can only have so many of these before it starts to take it's toll. He's 86 already, you know? The other thing she wanted to hear was that we would be there for Christmas and I can't promise that either. How much more useless can I feel right now...

And we so want to be there...ALL.THE.TIME. She will have no idea how much it hurt me to tell her that I couldn't give that promise, but I would do everything within my power to get there. See, the fact of it is, is that he is ok this time. They just kept him for observation. The problem is that they do not know what causes these. They don't know if it's diabetes related, sometimes he gives himself too big a shot of insulin or doesn't eat soon enough after his shot and has an insulin reaction and then there are these.

Here in a little while I have to call my other niece because she really, really gets upset about this stuff. All I can do is listen and that is cool, but it just doesn't feel like enough. I am not a huggy feely kind of give comfort, I am a take action kind of gal. But, I can't say I can do it if I can't do it. It would have been so easy to say, yes, we'll be there and everything will be fine when we're there, but I just can't promise something that might not come true. That's how we got sucked into promising we'd be there for Thanksgiving, and then couldn't make it. That is much, much worse. Oh, and there's my grand-niece, too. She's my daughter's age and they LIVE for the visits.

It's better when I say we can't, and then we can. That will put us travelling on Christmas Eve so I'm going to have to get someone to be Santa from the family. Hell, that might give them something to look forward to. It could be done, if it was a family effort....hmm. Gonna have to talk to the husband.

And, oh, at least I am able to comfort him. That's just what I wanted to greet him with after he's had an incredibly shitty week at work and is only taking one day off a week again, Sundays. Sigh. Thankfully, with him, words aren't necessary..he knows how I feel and that it hurts me, too.

If we can't come up with a plan between us to be able to get there, then we aren't supposed to be there yet. With Thanksgiving, I don't know how much more of a message we could have been sent...everything broke the day before we were supposed to leave, for crying out loud.

My heart is breaking, though.

On Exes

Though I have an amicable relationship with my husband's ex, what happens underneath, is quite a different story.

On my part, the joy of bashing her was over years ago. I simply allow success to be the best revenge at this point in our relationship. Ironically enough, it is the thing that seems to piss her off the most, which makes it doubly satisfactory. My brother said it well when he said.."Way to go, you are DEFINITELY an upgrade.

I know, that's bitchy. But, I am a woman after all, and a little bitchiness is necessary to being a woman. It's true. Men, you think women dress like that for you? Wrong. It's for the other women. That's usually how I get her, too, with the choice of clothes. The last time we had occasion to be together, my daughter did me ever so proud. She's old enough now to have figured out that her daddy was married to that woman and that knowledge just kind of changed her perspective on everything. When they were little, for the sake of their ages, we all agreed for them to call her Aunt Anita.

Oh no, that kind of familiarity just doesn't fly with my daughter. She's not too keen on just anyone. She'll just stand back and watch them and observe things. So, in her observations that day, she observed that my shoes and my purse matched and my hair barrette matched the buttons on my dress. She observed that the ex's shoes were torn and ripped and that her shawl didn't match ..etc. I was told to reprimand my daughter for this. Excuse the fuck out of me? I don't think so.

My daughter wasn't being bitchy, she was just saying exactly what she saw. And, blah blah blah...money is an issue. You know what, she never paid child support for those 3 kids over the years and has been a complete bitch about stuff anyway. She could have afforded to go to Wal-Mart and spend a couple of bucks on an outfit suitable to wear to a graduation ceremony. And she wanted me to stand there and criticize the way the teenaged girls were dressed. Unbelievable. One of my son's friends rescued me from that exchange, thank God for him.

Her latest thing, well, ongoing thing is to send letters to the boys addressed to "The Drennan Boys". Now, I have already went through the trauma this causes in the little ones, first with my 15 yr old, who wasn't a Drennan boy, so how more excluded could he have felt and now that he is a Drennan boy, it doesn't really make him feel any better. Then there's my daughter who feels excluded because she's a girl, and nobody HERE has ever, ever made her feel that way. In fact, she's revered because she IS a girl. And then there's little dude who doesn't understand why nobody sends him a letter...and the same deal again.."I'm a Drennan boy..." followed by the hurt look. Curse her.

Now, I'm not saying she should write my kids letters or anything but she COULD just simply address the letters by name, eh? Then, she just writes 3 of the same letter...she want's them to be the same person, I don't know. It's always all about her, her problems, and her families problems.

The ironic thing about this is the words of JK Rowling, in the form of the character Dumbledore..perhaps this is the reason I am so attracted to the series..."It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." (COS, page 333)

You see, we look very similar, although I don't think I'm going to age like she is. She already had gray and wrinkles 10 years ago and she was my age then...soo...As well, our backgrounds, the way we were raised, the way we were treated, are also very, very similar. We both joined the Navy to get away from home and we both met and married the same man while in the Navy. But here I am and here she is.

Choices.

Another thing that has struck me over the years is the biblical saying that you can never divorce. It is such a literal term that has gotten so damn twisted religiously that people cannot just look at that statement, see how stuff plays out, and realize it is simply truth. To prove my point, when you are married to someone for a certain amount of years, you form a relationship with their family as well as them. So, when something happens, you are honor bound to be there to do the right thing. As an example, when my husband's ex father in law died, it was the right thing for him to do to go and stand with the family and greet people and make sure that when they were tired to help run people off. When you share children with a family, there are certain things you just have to do, that are just the right thing to do. In that way, you can never divorce yourself from that family. I so admire my husband for doing things like this. He has always done right by her. In repayment, they make him suffer through hours of being introduced as "Anita's husband" even though everybody there knows they've been divorced longer than they were married. That's the shit that pisses me off..the lies. Again..choices.

I guess the divorce thing only applies if you have kids because I sure got completely divorced from my ex husband, may he rot in hell.

If I had to pick a fundamental difference besides choices, it would have to be the level of openmindedness. Being closed minded as she is, it would have never occured to her to sit back and do a few shots of tequila with the old man or anything fun like that. She wanted to be the Queen without realizing that in order to reap the rewards, you have to do your share of the work and in her position, it was taking car of the house and kids, which she absolutely refused to do. So there you have it, again...choices. Funny how that keeps cropping up, eh?

And, she just rejected anything female..fixing herself up, cooking, anything that was considered "traditionally female" she rejected in favor of what I don't know. So, when you have a man that has to cook for himself, clean for himself, and take care of the kids...etc. in addition to bringing home the bacon, what the hell did he need her for?

I guess that's another thing I got out of the same Navy she was in, was that there are a certain amount of shit jobs on this earth and somebody has to do them. And, just because they are shit jobs does not mean that they aren't mission critical. People gotta eat, people gotta have clean clothes, people gotta have a clean sanitary place to rest their heads and they gotta be able to find the tools to get the job done. "Stow for sea" is one of those things that comes to mind as a good idea, too. When you have to do stuff like that, clutter just bugs ya.

Hey, I don't always like my job, but I do understand that it's mission critical for this family for me to do the things I do. And that right there...that's why she's the ex and I'm the new wife!

Short Term Memory

Reading over at Rob's place I found the following narration about how it's a little disconcerting to have short term memory problems.

I can so feel his pain on that issue. That's one of the hallmark symptoms of ADHD and it does get frustrating to deal with.

I have forgotten to take an aspirin for a migraine in the amount of time it takes to walk from one room to another and take it. Three times I tried for that aspirin before I finally remembered why I was there.

I have lost my car keys, my house keys, my whole purse, locked keys in houses, in my car...I have totally learned to not trust myself.

Hell, I can forget what I'm saying right in the middle of saying it.

And, yes, I've forgotten my own children. They have since learned that they need to be very squeaky wheels..LOL!

So, to compensate there are a few things I do to help. Number one, pen and paper is with me everywhere. Not the same pen and paper, mind you, because I can't keep hold of one notebook at a time..but one everywhere I'm going to need to use one. Or just a few index cards. In the glove box, in the drawers in the kitchen, in my bedroom, in the office, and some in the garage too.

For other stuff, I use a computer calendar...like Outlook ..but I sure liked it better when it was Schedule Plus..anyway and I put in everything I'm supposed to do the next day and give it times...even shit like take a shower, take meds... and whatnot. That way if I find myself standing there with my thumb up my ass wondering what in the hell I was getting ready to do next, I have something to refer to. I do this for the kids, too. I also list on it phone calls I have to make, errands I have to run, appointments I have and set reminders for it all so that it's in my face.

We also use a white board for project planning..there's a spot for the actual job to be done, then a spot to list any supplies needed and a special trip spot for the things that need to be done when we're taking a trip.

I have also made master lists of the routine stuff we take for places that we go often, like Talladega, and Texas. I just reprint them whenever we go and add or subtract things as necessary.

The downside to this is the millions of little sticky papers everywhere and the little crumpled up lists that never seem to quite make it all the way to the trash can. Another by-product of the short attention span...before anyone finishes a project around here, it's on to something else.

Like, last night I asked my oldest kid to take his telescope out of the garage while it was still in one piece. He said he would have it done by this morning..and forgot...until this morning when he didn't have enough time to do it right so he took it apart enough to set it in his room, left 2 washers, 1 screw and 2 nuts laying on the garage floor, two lenses laying on the workbench, and the box laying on the floor...and left for work.

My other one had some wood out to replace some of the fence railings. The hammer made it back to the garage, but the scrap wood just laid in a heap until the younger ones played with it and destroyed it and when called to his attention, the kid had the nerve to get mad at them and be in denial that he put the wood away. He swears he put it away and I know that if he would have, the little ones couldn't have gotten to it.

Hell, then there was just this morning when my college boy forgot what time court was. Thank heavens he erred on the early side, but still...

Once my mother and I lost the car and we wound up walking around the entire mall to find it. It was right after we watched Christine, too, and we were particularly freaked out.

Some of the basic things, I do at the same time every day so that I won't forget...like shower. I forget to eat too. I'll get so wrapped up in thinking about something or analyzing something, that I just don't get hungry. I consider myself very blessed to not have diabetes or something.

When I became aware that my thinking wasn't always....efficient..that I wasn't always able to tap into my potential, it was a bit depressing for awhile, I have to admit. But time and practice have conspired together to make it little more than an annoyance.

It's funny that the subject comes up, in a way, because I have been feeling very distracted in my writing lately. I never know what I'm going to write about, therefore, I am not writing to my full capability because I'm not able to touch on subjects that require any kind of in-depth research in order to make it really good. I seem to respond to prompts better. You know what just pisses me off, when I go and read someone's blog, and I get all inspired and then start writing this long assed comment, decide it's rude to take up someone's bandwidth, come to link it and blog what I was going to say, and forget where in the hell I was going with my comment in the first place. See, I forget the point of the story while in the middle of telling it sometimes. Writing is a better medium for me, because it's easier to recapture it if I sidetrack somewhere else.

So for all you that have problems with short term memory for whatever reason...hope this helps. As I remember more things I do, I'll write them down.

Oh Dark Thirty

It comes early, before the sun is up, hence the name. It came at the usual time of 5am this morning. I was a little disappointed because my husband was already gone. But, he left me a note on the fridge, and that's cool!

Some are used to sleeping until the sun is almost up, but today their peaceful dreaming got interrupted early. I had to have a volunteer babysitter to make sure the little people got on the bus this morning. College boy and I had a 7 O'clock appt. at traffic court.

So, off we went, him all looking nice in his preppy clothes. Stop by the gas station to get a drink and on down to the tiny little courthouse.

We pull up to the door where there is a sign. The sign reads as follows:

Courtroom doors open at 6:45 PM and court is in session at 7:00 PM. I had tried to tell him yesterday but he was sure it was in the morning. So, I got the dimple grin that told me .."OOPS" and we came on home. I made him a big 'ol breakfast and he's going to help me take care of a couple of repair jobs around the house. First thing we're going to fix is the dishwasher. I have a mouse I think and it ate a hole in the drain hose. No big deal..2 clamps. Right now, he's at the auto part store getting a heater core for the Blazer so that we can put it in. That way my husband doesn't have to be troubled with it, or he can just supervise.

In the meantime, I actually see an opportunity here to take a nap! Life is grand, isn't it?